Larry King Live: Moment of Shame

I'm a tattle tale and I'm telling on Larry King. I didn't want anyone to think this was an arbitrary call. I was about to let up on King until I saw this disaster. While this is old news, this conversation is classic and oddly enough the media didn't pick up on it. Until now...


The Setup: The Apprentice 4 folks, Randall Pinkett, Rebecca Jarvis and Donald Trump showed up on CNN's Larry King Live a few days after Pinkett's victory. Of course Pinkett also made the news when he squashed Trump's idea of hiring the runner-up Rebecca "Crutches Girl" Jarvis. No shock there. Still people like King wanted to find some issue to whine about. Here's a snippet from the unfortunate conversation between King and Donald Trump...








KING: By the way, can you unequivocally say that race had nothing to do with this?

TRUMP: Absolutely. Of course it didn't. Why would I have picked Randal if it did, Larry? You're just doing that because you want to get a couple of rating points yourself.

KING: I don't know what you're talking about. On one of my notes here said that -- I don't get bloggers. I don't how to reach a blogger.

TRUMP: Hey, Larry, can I tell you what? I don't even think your question is appropriate.

KING: Well, I'm told that some bloggers are saying it.

TRUMP: I don't know if you are told that, Larry. I don't even think your question is appropriate. I picked Randal. If race was a part of it, I wouldn't have picked Randal. So I just think your question is totally inappropriate.

KING: All right. All I'm telling you is that my notes say that some bloggers are saying that.

TRUMP: OK. I'm sure they say that.

KING: I don't even know how to touch a blog. Do you know how to get a blog?

TRUMP: Larry, I'm sure your notes say that, but I think your question is inappropriate.

KING: If it's inappropriate, I apologize to you, Donald. Is that OK?

TRUMP: Yes, that's fine.

KING: Do you know how to reach a blogger?

TRUMP: I have no idea. Everybody that works for me knows. Me? I have no interest.

KING: I have no idea how to reach a blogger. I've never sent an e-mail. I don't know what I'm doing.


He knows excatly what he's doing. What a shameful display that was. Got to hand it to Stephen Hawking. He exacerbated an already ridiculously overwrought situation and got a case of the stupids when Donald Trump didn't play along.

King sure did turn into a Chatty Cathy in that "interview" didn't he? And really, what multi-media person doesn't know about e-mail at this point. What, does he use a stork to send those bogus movie reviews? Please...

Truth In A Sad Backscramble: When Larry said, "I don't know what I'm doing" it was the best thing he ever said. It was like music to my ears and I agree. I agree!


A pic of Randal when we started this blog together...

Songs I'll Always Hate

I have an ok collection of songs, but I'm proud to say I've never had most of these songs. Never ever, in fact it makes me sad even thinking about some of these crimes aganist humanity...


Taco- Puttin' On The Ritz I was just watching a rerun of VH-1's One Hit Wonders and I heard this little ear ache committed to vinyl. Got to say, what a disgusting/vile song. This of course was the 1982 remake of a song made famous by Fred Astaire. With it's faux, old-timey underpinnings, Taco's droning, "droll" vocal, it's the worst. Let's not even discuss that hideous synth throughout.

Jason-O-Meter: I hate this song the best.

Clarence Clemons and Jackson Browne- You're A Friend of Mine-For a song I haven't heard in years, this piece o' garbage just reverberates. What an atrocity. This track was from Clemons's 1985 album, Hero. If I remember Bruce Springsteen (Clarence's actual friend) was supposed to appear on the track. He didn't and Jackson Browne of all people, played the friend here. Here's my "favorite" lyric...

"That argument
I can't forget
We fought so hard I don't think I've recovered yet
The girls we knew
Who thought you were cool
I never introduced my favorite ones to you..."


A Cry For Help: This song makes me want to hurt myself....

The Video: It's even worse. It's a bunch of hooey, bogus frivolity with Browne's then girlfriend Darryl Hannah videotaping the "proceedings" and she sings backup on this disaster.

A Complaint: It was tough finding a pic of Clemons and Browne together. They ain't friends, they were lyin'!


Donna Summer-She Works Hard For The Money- I've always been a big Donna Summer fan. But somewhere along the way, Summer seemed to zap sex out of her whole deal. This is her biggest hit from that era. The zippy synths and Summer's so-so vocal makes for a toxic mix for me. So much so, I spared Irene Cara's "Flashdance" to whine about my hatred for this one.

Recap: There's no excuse...



Off The List!

James Brown-Living In America- This song always made my shortlist of dreaded efforts from talented acts. You know what was wrong? I kept hearing the wrong mix, version, etc. In any event I did hear a really nice version, it totally changed my mind about the song.

Favorite Line: "All night diners/Keep you awake/With hot coffee/And a hard roll." Heh heh, I can laugh about that all day...

Johnny Damon Goes To The Yankees: An Idiot No More

Johnny Damon before he joined the establishment...


Oh hi, I was just putting on my red sweater to go caroling when Norm Crosby and Jack Carter were blowing up my pager. They told me that Johnny Damon had left the Red Sox. I said I didn't really care all that much. Crosby then told me Damon was going to the Yankees. I took a plane, beat Norm to a pulp and then began to digest this dire news. As of December 21 (or around there) Damon joined his former enemies, the New York Yankees.

When I heard this story I was saddened, then angry and now there's only one thing to say--Johnny Damon's a sellout. We can also add "liar and a cheat" to the list too.

Damon portrayed himself as an iconoclast, a self-proclaimed "idiot." After all of those nauseating post 2004 World Series TV appearances I thought that Damon was going to be with the Red Sox forever. In fact I was looking forward to seeing a way old Damon in 2515 World Series playing aganist the San Antonio Space Bots. And of course it has to be said, Johnny was known for his long hair and beard. Damon was indeed the first to sport the style. But Steinbrenner's Dream Crushers have an ancient and pissy dress code to adhere to. And after George showed how much money was in his billfold, Damon got a shave and a haircut expeditiously. I actually spelled that right on the first try...


Damon gives idiots a bad name...

The Members Only Jacket

That jacket's smooth!


I was a member of this elite club. It's not something I like to talk about, I don't like to brag. In short order The Members Only coats took the place of the satiny, baseball jacket that had a great run from 1979 to about 1983. It was a changing of the guard that was needed. Really if you didn't have a Members Only jacket, you were S.O.L. All of the cool people had them...


You had to have been there...I can't tell you what great nights and "activities" I got into with the aid of my Members Only jacket. Great times, women just loved those clips and snaps. According to the Members Only site, I was fashion forward and the label is like Perry Ellis and Abercrombie and Fitch.

Members Only Jackets, What The Hell Happened?: The most unsettling chapter in the Members Only history is exactly who started wearing those jackets. In a cruel twist of fate, the folks that invested so much in their flashy looks got their fashion savvy co-opted. By who? The squares. By the mid to late '80s and if you were Lorne Greene and Wilford Brimley or stalking Matt Houston, chances are you were wearing a Members Only jacket. Today classic MO jackets are often worn to seem retro. To err on the side of caution--MO's should be worn only by the real true Members who know that this is serious business.


There's a pic of a jacket like the one I had. Last I heard, it's in college, on top of all of its studies and having a great time...

Horror Movie of the Year: The Miami Vice Trailer

I've had the good fortune to view the trailer from the highly anticipated film Miami Vice. The verdict? Not great. If I'm being totally honest, it made me sick to my stomach. More honesty? It's like a bad dream. The trailer for the movie of course is from an update to the popular and influential 1984-89 series. According to the synopsis on the Universal site, movie will be in the present, retain the original characters, their names and have different actors playing them. Oh goody.

Whether this a blockbuster or a full-fledged bomb, I'm not interested in this film. The casting seems off. Farrell, while a good actor doesn't possess what made Sonny Crockett accessible and likeable. Jamie Foxx as Ricardo Tubbs? Not quite. More than anything Tubbs was cool. At this point a large portion of Foxx's career has been the pursuit of trying to be cool and never quite getting there. In fact all of the problems are clearly evident in the trailer. And I have to say whatever accent Colin Farrell is using--it's very odd.

The nerve of them actually doing this again. People can say what they want, those two jackasses aren't Crockett and Tubbs. In case folks need to 'fresh their memories, I've enclosed a pic of the real Crockett and Tubbs, Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas. Now run tell that!

Disclaimer: Sorry for the strident tone it only means I'm very pissed off at the very idea of this movie.

Disclaimer 2: Don't believe that for a second, I'm not sorry, in fact I'm glad I said it. Glad I tell you...

Trailer: C-

Here's a clip...

From Anvils to Iron Pellets: Hats Off To Acme!

Wile E. Coyote, another satisfied customer...




This is a case of what they call, "paying it forward." When I first started this blog there was one company that wanted to get into business with me, Acme. Although I scoffed at the offer, I'll just say it's still on the table. From bad cookies to anvils, Acme has always been there for us. Here's a few of the fine products they have to offer and my personal experience with them...

This blog allows me to dispel a myth: Porky Pig isn't a nice guy. In fact during our highly publicized feud, he hurled a few Acme grenades in my general vicinity. He thankfully missed and when I went to run after him, he hid like the coward he is.



With or without the hand grenades, Porky Pig is a sharp dresser...











Saddam Hussein was a big fan of the Acme brand. In fact he got most of his "products" from the ACME catalog. How did he get his start? The popular though discontinued Build A Dictator Kit. It worked too well..

Pop Culture Idiot Achiever Of The Minute: Gene Rayburn's Microphone

You know I started to phase out my little 'ol award but I saw something that totally brought me back. Gene Rayburn's Microphone. I find it fascinating. Sadly I'm not the only one. Many people have been discussing this too. In fact I'm just back from the Gene Rayburn's Microphone Convention. What a time I had.

Fans waiting patiently for a mere glimpse of Gene Rayburn's Mircophone.


In a sense, Gene Rayburn's microphone is unavoidable. If you want to watch Match Game, there it is. Recently I saw a Fannie Flagg episode where Gene's mic really looked bad. According to reports it was at this point Gene had not only named it but gave it its own private room while traveling. Gene Rayburn's mic was addicted to crack.

You'd think that contraption would have been hauled off to the Smithsonian. Not quite. When they did a Match Game like segment on Soap Talk, a game show host proudly stated that he was using Gene Rayburn's microphone. A quick, commiserate gasp could be heard. Ahh so what. We all know Gene's gone, it's not like the mic's alive or anything. You know it's simple, plug it in, don't or snap it across your knee like a twig. That's what I'd like to do. People my age are making so much progress and here I am someone who would derive tons of pleasure by getting into a Mack truck, pulling the horn and flattening that mic like a pancake.


Sharing a laugh with Tom Cruise as we reminisce about Gene Rayburn...

Getting Up and Going Home: A Review

For the UK release they re-titled this "Unfaithful." And of course like most releases like this, those pics aren't from the film...



Nothing but the classics...1992's Getting Up and Going Home is the type of movie that offers me a paradigm of what to become: A dude sleeping with three women at once and chalking it up to finding himself. Great stuff. In this Skerritt plays Jack Montgomery a college professor who is turning 50. Tom has some great relationships here. Blythe Danner plays his wife. You know, they've been together a while, have older kids, I think she's in to gardening or something. In this movie they are separating or in the process of it. I can't remember. From what I can remember she looked good in this, probably enough for any man. But if you're bored and "reflective" then all bets are off.

Skerritt meets a married woman Roma Downey. This was before Downey f'ed everything up with that poison called Botox and plastic surgery. They hook up a few times--had fun, all that good stuff. Still Tom Skerritt is searching and in his quest he finds Georgie from Sisters. Of course that's Julianne Phillips. Wow, she's not exactly Dame Judi Dench, but she's rocking and can play different variations of Julianne Phillips better than anybody.

Long story short, Tom Montgomery is juggling these three at the same time. A one-date Johnny/Transition Guy like me can't even fathom that. I've forgotten who he ended up with and I'm probably hard-wired to fall asleep on this at the exact same place...

Mr. Short Term Memory: Yeah, I have seen this 3 to 4 times--and the recall is foggy.

Inner Monologue: I'm a jackass

I Love Proactiv

I got another big assignment. The folks at the Proactiv site wanted me to "gussy" up their drab biographies. You know, make them sound like they came from the "actual people." The quotes in italics are what the stars actually said. I can't make that up. And to see if we're on the same page, they want me to put on my editor's cap, and see my notes just what I think as I read them, kind of like Me Unfiltered. Yes an unorthdox and a potentially upsetting request...


"Having acne is a drag. You're self-conscious; it's embarrassing. I started breaking out when I was about sixteen, and that's a tough enough age without a face full of pimples. Acne doesn't care how old you are; even in my thirties I was still breaking out and in my business, that's unacceptable.... If only we had it sooner."

Yes if we only had it sooner, we would have been spared Vanessa Williams's ugly face. Yeah right. In fact I don't remember her having acne and really if she did? Not a deal breaker. And I agree, acne doesn't care how old you are, acne is a helluva drug...


"I just had so much build up and so many clogged pores that once I started using Proactiv Solution, my face was just shining. Looking back, I can just see how much I've grown and actually I know it sounds weird and crazy, but Proactiv had so much to do with it just because when, your confidence is fixed, everything else shines...I'm a very confident woman because I love my skin."


Well that top part is certain a candidate for the Too Much Information files. When I was a kid, we didn't have Proactiv. In fact the folks who had acne where shunned and shuttled off into private communities, Zit Zones we called them. If those rules were in place in 1999 or so, pre-Proactiv Jessica Simpson would have been the mayor of Zit Town.

Editor's Note: For my fellow dyslexics, "top part" might read like "pop tart" well it does for me...


“I know the beauty that I have, and the beauty that's inside of me and inside of us all. But there's a certain feeling you feel naturally when your skin just doesn't look very nice, and you have to continue to go out into the world..."


Wow wee, had to stop that right there. That everyone's beautiful clap trap plays even worst in the infomercial. Now Alicia Keys did/does have a problem with acne, she's not kidding about that one. And let's admit, it's not going to be that heinous with her either. Of all of the folks mentioned here there's documentation that shows she needed Proactiv. She wasn't lying, she needed it bad.


"It's like a secret, one of my secrets that people don't know about is that I used to have bad skin. That’s why I started to use Proactiv. This is a product that I believe in. I just think it's worth a try, and I'm just sharing with you my story, you know, which has helped to keep my skin healthy... Proactiv is the solution.”


Thanks for sharing Puffy. And yeah, his part on this commercial is so uncutous, he reverted back to Puffy. This bio was composed around 2003 during the last leg of Combs's rehabilitation tour. At that point P. Diddy probably would have talked about anything that wasn't about guns and clubs. I can hear him now, "Yeah yeah, I was a kamikaze pilot. Amelia Earhart? Yeah yeah, I'm still looking for her."



"I've been using Proactiv Solution for six years and it's the only thing that has ever worked for me. I want to share the fact that I understand that pain and there's an answer, and the answer is to.... try Proactiv. I'm one hundred percent sure that if they try it, it will help them."

Look, it's Stephanie Seymour. You know what else is bad for your skin? Sleeping with Axl Rose. It's been over ten years and I still can't believe she let that wild boar touch her "happiness." Sure she's moved on, married, had a couple of kids, but all I remember is her appearing in those horrible Guns and Roses videos.


Arrghhh, Splat!













"...The great thing about Proactiv is that it's a fantastic skin treatment, whether you have acne or not. It's gentle, it's effective, it's a sort of exfoliant, which I really like - my skin has a better texture about it and it's easy to use."

Elle Macpherson...wow she made that sound exciting. I've got to say I had a ton of fun looking at her video at the Proactiv site. Not to be a party pooper but I don't remember her life spinning out of control due to outbreaks either. I also surfed the net and found out that Macpherson dated Billy Joel. Billy Joel?

My acne was so bad I had to grow a beard, Proactiv is the solution...

That's all he has to say? Damn fool!

American Idol: Arrested Edition

Here's some bad news about a young woman who was almost a Pop Culture Idiot Achiever, Julia DeMato. Turns out that American Idol good girl DeMato was arrested for drugs. De Mato was killing time at a parking lot of a closed restaurant. The police showed up and she totally didn't ace her sobriety exam. She was boozing it up. Two marijuana pipes and cocaine were found at the scene. DeMato stated the following, "I am not a drug user...It's going to be taken care of in court and that's that." That's that huh? She better not take that attitude with the judge...Seems like DeMato's not the only American Idol contestant who's been arrested. Here's a few...

You know, Clark would have been forgotten--if he hadn't have been booted for his arrest. The AI orbit was rocked when it was found out that Clark put the slaps down on his sister. Corey had to head for home after that one. A couple of years later he did resurface; as an ex-contestant whining about Paula Abdul wherever there was a boom mike. Clark also made a song about Abdul called, "Paulatics." Oh, that's silly, I'm never going to hear it...

A Rant, A Whine: You know candor's all well and good but all of that boo-hooing over Paula Abdul made him look like a big-time wimp. I bet you can't even give those CD's away. Then again, I bet you could, everyone needs coasters...


This is Scott Savol, or Scott Stavol. How could we forget this AI talent. With his stolid stage presence and so-so voice, he won a lot of hearts. And he's clearly broken a few too. Savol was arrested in 2001 getting into a fight with his girlfriend and turning a phone into a deadly weapon. I was particularly upset about that, it was my phone.

What's Up With Scott: Not much but solid gold classics. His biggest hit so far is "I Hit My Girlfriend With Jason's Phone."




Bo Bice was known as one of the "rockers." It seems that Bice's rock n' roll style wasn't just whistling dixie. Before AI, Bo rocked, rolled and got arrested for drug posession, twice. Pot n' coke were on the menu those evenings.

The Downside: His record probably prevented him from winning the AI title. As for DeMato, it got her in the news again. Yay Dope!

Kind of Watching It TV: A Very Brady Christmas

It was 1988 and it was time for a Brady Christmas. Oops, make that A Very Brady Christmas. By this point the cast of the classic 68-74 sitcom had reunited a few times. The most recent to this were a few debacles for NBC of all places. From what I can remember of this, Carol and Mike wanted to gather all the family members because it was storyline dictated.

In a few short years, we all saw how much the Brady's had changed, especially Cindy--someone else was playing her. The rest are pretty much the same. Marcia's hot powers are depleted by still being married to a loathsome dweeb. Jan was locked in a loveless and barely consumated union. Greg was a doctor and graduated with honors at Bedrock U. Peter fiddled with computers or something and dressed like a geek. Bobby was stripped of all of his acting abilities and decided to be a race car driver. Of course during the end of this everything was fine. Well not everything. I was saddened when Alice innocently came for a visit and those lazy Brady's put her back to work. The Brady's: Lazy, Selfish and Devilish...


From 1988 to 1990, Levi's and Dockers offered their popular Mike Brady: Mr. Construction Man Pantalones...







Merry Something or Other From The Brady Family, A Very Dysfunctional Family...

Matthew Knowles and Joe Simpson: Bad Dads

This blog is cracking. I have to say after that Max Headroom era lull, I think we're back to new now. Also I've acquired a street team and they gave me some bad news. In light of that, we've got to turn our attention to these show-biz dads who are totally walking eagles/camera hogs. I've had my fill of them...

Matthew Knowles is the mastermind behind Destiny's Child. Some folks say Matty is a tough, exacting guy. I'll go along with that. Looks like he might be a jerk too. Last year a report surfaced that Knowles blew one million dollars on ladies of the evening and cocaine/marching powder/disco dust. There was also a report that Beyonce canned him as manager. I can't get any confirmation on that. According to that Wal-Mart Christmas commercial all's well. And oh yeah it just occured to me that wasn't a Christmas scene. That spot was probably recorded last August and like other holidays, Matthew tossed his presents in mid-air and cut and ran, to his girlfriend's house.


This is what I'm giving Matthew this year for Christmas. Take that, Mr. Loud and Wrong!











Just in case the deal with his daughter Ashlee doesn't work out, Joe's got a lookalike all lined up...


Knowles and Simpson are the opposite side of the same ol' unlucky penny. I mentioned my dislike for Simpson on this blog 15 years ago and I'm not liking him a whit more. I can confidently call Joe Simpson a little creepy and a Nosy Parker. Anyway you slice it Joe Simpson is a bad showbiz dad. My crack team has found some particularly unsettling info on Joe...

"...We'll never know exactly why Joe Simpson shot Jim Arnold that Easter Sunday, April 19, 1908..."

Oh my. I had no idea. It's a mystery how Joe has eluded justice for so long. Here's some other stuff...


"...Bonnie and Clyde were infamous bank robbers who traveled the central United States during the Great Depression. Joe Simpson's a bad man..."

My goodness, I'm getting queasy now...

Kind of Watching It TV/ElimiDATE

I don't catch this show on a regular basis, the brutal honesty and exits hit to close to home, but I did have the good fortune to see the celebrity entries of the program, Leif Garrett and Adrian Zmed.





Super spy Leif Garrett disguised as Dirty Jeans Magillicutty.



It was pretty difficult to see Garrett in this setting. And you know what? His potential dates weren't rocking. Anyway Garrett soldiered on, asking lame questions and getting stupider replies. To many, Leif probably blew all of his "cool" points here when he reenacted Chevy Chase's "Born to Love You" Caddyshack shtick. I've always hated that...

For their date with Leif, the girls also got to lay down some tracks in a studio. They couldn't sing. Leif sounded horrible too. It was perfect. Despite the phony date chat, Leif could only pick one. The woman Leif was left standing with was pretty darn forgettable too. He seemed happy though. When you think about it, it's great to see him. I actually think he's an ok guy.


Frankly I was shocked to see Adrian Zmed participate. It's not like I thought he was some great lothario, but you'd think being Adrian Zmed gets your foot in the door. But you know this is kind of a cool way to meet women. Anyway Zmed played the master of ceremonies with his three choices. Can't say I saw the next Mrs. Zmed but I don't know a heck of a lot. Instead of calling me, his best bud, Adrian asked his best friend, actress Marissa Jaret Winokur to help him choose. She offered her opinion and Leif, I mean, Adrian didn't listen. His head's as thick as a bag of bricks. Damn you Zmed!

Adrian taught his dates some fresh Dance Fever moves. None of the girls kept up especially well. Always the perfectionist we saw Zmed's blood boil when they couldn't pick up his instructions for "The Snake." "You lead with your head," Adrian explained. Great to know. After all that disco dancing, Zmed picked the dark horse in the race. Good call. Often that works out. The ones that Zmed didn't pick formed a tenuous bond and walked down the street hand in hand. That was a great scene.


A pic of Zmed when he served on the police force with Captain Kirk...