Saturday, December 24, 2005

Johnny Damon Goes To The Yankees: An Idiot No More

Johnny Damon before he joined the establishment...


Oh hi, I was just putting on my red sweater to go caroling when Norm Crosby and Jack Carter were blowing up my pager. They told me that Johnny Damon had left the Red Sox. I said I didn't really care all that much. Crosby then told me Damon was going to the Yankees. I took a plane, beat Norm to a pulp and then began to digest this dire news. As of December 21 (or around there) Damon joined his former enemies, the New York Yankees.

When I heard this story I was saddened, then angry and now there's only one thing to say--Johnny Damon's a sellout. We can also add "liar and a cheat" to the list too.

Damon portrayed himself as an iconoclast, a self-proclaimed "idiot." After all of those nauseating post 2004 World Series TV appearances I thought that Damon was going to be with the Red Sox forever. In fact I was looking forward to seeing a way old Damon in 2515 World Series playing aganist the San Antonio Space Bots. And of course it has to be said, Johnny was known for his long hair and beard. Damon was indeed the first to sport the style. But Steinbrenner's Dream Crushers have an ancient and pissy dress code to adhere to. And after George showed how much money was in his billfold, Damon got a shave and a haircut expeditiously. I actually spelled that right on the first try...


Damon gives idiots a bad name...
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