Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Mercy Killings: Kill Me and My TV: Reviews of the View, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and The Real.

Oh hi. Can you believe I'm back! Guess what? I hate even more things now, including--television.

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire- You know it's end timez when this guy is hosting the show. Let's face it, Regis Philibin was no brain trust. Meredith Vieira did a passable job. Fats Domino hosted for a bit and now it's Terry Crews's turn. You know white people have had it. They can't even watch this without "one of them" hosting it. And you know Crews doesn't know a heck of a lot so it's a godsend that the answers are on cards. Just like that fool Alex Trebek. Skip it!

Grade **

 The View- Remember them? The last time we talked Bill Geddie got drop kicked off the air and was replaced by Rachel Maddow Show producer Bill Wolfe. Isn't that a damn shame? They want to "improve the program" and not be so damn dumb. In the spirit of that the new hosts include Rosie O' Donnell, a Republican Lady and one of my faves Rosie Perez. I like the mix of people--and from an aesthetic view, the show looks great. What's the rub? Rosie O' Donnell and PST suffering View vet Whoopi Goldberg reportedly hate one another. Now it's that a shame. I bet Rosie O' Donnell, Rosie Perez and Whoopi Goldberg could have made a heck of an awful bad movie circa 1994. I'm saddened we didn't get that chance. As for the show, it's much better.

Grade *** 1/2

The Real-The Real? This is really bad. This is a talk chat program that features five women, Tamar Braxton, Tamara Mosley Mowry, Loni Love, Adrienne Baillon, and Jeannie Mai. You know what this basically is, a loud ass version of the View.

I tried to give this show a chance, but it's too much eye-rolling, gum popping, neck gyrations for me. And really when Loni Love is the "sane" one--you've got problems.


Part 2: To be honest, I don't know who a lot of these women are. I do know I've seen Tamar Braxton on other television programs making an ass out of herself. Adrienne Ballon. Tamara Mowry-Housley. I've heard of Tamara Mosley, Tamara Mowry too, but who's Housley? Who's Housey?

Monday, August 11, 2014

The Crap Factory That's Also Called The View

  Oh hi. You know, my staff just alerted me about the miscarriages of justice happening on the View. The View? I'm stunned there's so much chaos, this was one of our class TV programs. Well anyway, some interns gave me the run-down on what's happened this eventful summer!!

In May, Miss Barbara Walters took it to the ranch and decided to leave. The View had a special 1 hour special. It was big doings. Elvis said goodbye to Barbara via satellite from Hawaii, a bunch of anchor women appeared on stage as well as all of the past and present hosts of the View. The most hilarious thing? Hillary Clinton showed up, Sherri Shepherd did the unthinkable and called her by her "first name" and she got scolded by Barbara. Ha! Sherri started to cry too, damn fool. Well anyway, after Miss Barbara schooled her ass and the show declined post-haste.

The Long Hard Slog: If it's humanly possible, the show declined without Barbara Walters. The View was secretly auditioning folks, just because. The list of people were loathsome and included the heretofore useless Bill Rancic and Still Kind of Fat Ross Matthews. As a man, can I tell you I don't want to see a man on the View. What for and why? I don't know what Bill Geddie's thinking about. He must be "hitting the stem" like it's 1990 something, nothing makes sense.

It's Starting to Make Sense: Children's summers were spoiled in late June with the awful news that Sherri Shepherd announcing she was leaving the View. Oh no. As soon as Sherri's news was hot off the presses, Jenny McCarthy tweet/Twittered that she was leaving if  her dummy in arms Sherri was leaving. Turns out the mucky-mucks at ABC had reached McCarthy's decision for her, she was out too--after only a year.

The Worst News of All: You think this is all bad? Guess what happened in July? The folks at the View brought back Rosie O' Donnell from peaceful obscurity. You remember Rosie? She's the one who imploded the show back in olden day with her ol' funny moods, gloomy set changes and her general pleasing personality. Some would say that O' Donnell pretty much ruined the View. She did--and now she'll be back...

My Take: The show is over. Throughout the summer months they've been auditioning different women and it all sucks..

Coming Up: How Bill Geddie lost his gig and Sherri's long overdue goodbye...

Saturday, June 14, 2014

The Arsenio Hall Show-Cancelled Again?

Hey everyone! I had this in the vaults, I meant to push publish and I didn't, butterfingers! Here's my take on the Arsenio Hall Show Travesty.

Oh hi and oh no they didn't. They couldn't. It was reported that Paramount/CBS had cancelled the Arsenio Hall Show. To fans of the show, we're saddened and surprised. Make that really surprised. This past February, the show had a segment where fellow talk show host and old friend Jay Leno appeared to give Hall the good news that his show had been renewed for a second season. The crowd erupted, Hall looked visibly happy to the point of tears. It all seemed perfect--and then it wasn't.

In their "explanation," CBS cowardly said the following, "Unfortunately, ‘The Arsenio Hall Show’ will not return for a second season; while there are many loyal fans of the show, the series did not grow its audience enough to continue. Arsenio is a tremendous talent and we’d like to thank him for all the hard work and energy he put into the show. We’d also like to thank Tribune and all our station group partners for their support of the show.” I call bullshit. As a viewer, and a big fan of Hall's 1989-1994 show, the problems were numerous but one was glaring to an almost startling fact: Guests.

In this show, Hall couldn't seem to get many acts on his show. Even denizens from the lower rungs of the B to the C list seemed to stay away. In another fact, Hall's show had hardly any white guests. I remember seeing Mark Harmon, Joel from Parenthood and that's almost it. The only reason for this isn't a "creative decision" but threats from the folks at Jimmy Kimmel Live and The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Fans of the show have to notice that this situation was even more pronounced when "Mr. Happy" Jimmy Fallon took over the Tonight Show.Fallon reportedly plays hardball and this took away even more guests from Arsenio Hall. Excuse me, my diapers "full up" and I can't talk anymore.....

My Take: While the show wasn't as strong as Hall's predecessor, it certainly didn't deserve to be cancelled. And really, when was the last time you've heard of a show given the green light to continue in February--only to be reneged on--in May. I've never heard of that. In rarefied, legalese, I think Arsenio has a "suitcase."