Oprah Annouces The End of Show

Seems like America's been reeling. It started when I took my vacation and didn't post. I'm sorry about that, I heard school children cried at their desks and of course there was that letter from President Obama telling me that America needed me. Thanks. The other bad news? Oprah will apparently be closing up shop in 2011. Fans of the show have been torn, Rip Torn in fact. Really? This year has been presenting a few problems as a viewer.


Jenna Jameson- Jenna was on a few days ago, Jenna was a big time porn actress, probably the most recognizable face. The show was an expose (exposey) about women watching porn and whatnot. Not a shock. Still seeing Jenna Jameson on the Oprah show made me mad. It should have been Lauren Phoenix since she's still in the field.

Note: I nixed about ten really bad jokes, this is difficult for me...



Sarah Palin- Oh no, don't make her look normal. My hatred for Sarah Palin is well-known but since she's actually not in power/government I can say while she is entertaining, she's also bat-shit crazy. Seeing her on Oprah brought a jumble of emotions but really I didn't need to see her on Oprah.



Mike Tyson- Lord have mercy. What collision of stars n' comets made this appearance seem like a good idea. Despite his recent events, Mike Tyson comes with a lot of baggage and seeing on the show was some programming I could have done without. Wasn't he on two shows? Yep, maybe two too many.



The Texas State Fair Episode- Where were you when this episode aired? I was sitting here, crying again. For some reason this felt like one of those "road episodes" sitcoms do near the end of their run. You know, Greg gets bitten by a spider, Fred and Lamont go to Hawaii, etc. That was barely a sentence. In any event on this road trip we saw Oprah and Gayle eating one unhealthy thing after another. The horror. The star of this fried food fest was Fletcher's Corny Dogs. Reportedly Bob Greene saw this and was so mad he ground his teeth down to little bits, he's recovering. I haven't...


Final Thoughts: Oprah's right, it might be time to bottle up a go, it's been a great run.

Things I Don't Understand: TV Edition

The Wendy Williams Show- I guess someone watches this. Too many people for my liking, I want to see this off my TV. Williams got her start on radio metaphorically (and probably literally) rifling through celebs garbage. While that's fine, she's also known as a nasty personality. In short: the perfect person for her own show.



I don't think I've seen one interview she's done that didn't have one bad moment. She seems to thrive on them. The nadir of all television probably happened a few days ago. Williams interviewed Daphne Zuiga on the phone (no Skype?) while trying to dig for dirt on Heather Locklear. Like someone gives a damn. What's worse? This fool was warming up Slim Jims with a lighter and eating them. God bless us.

Rating: **



The Maury Povich Show- Imagine my surprise when I found out this was still on. I thought it was cancelled 30 years ago, replaced by reruns of The Mothers-In-Law. It was a real shame and a pity when I woke up to this train wreck where Starting Over should be.

Maury shows have pretty much been the same forever ever. He's wearing comfy clothes, probably a sweater with a collar (they still make those). An aggressively ugly couple is fighting over paternity, stolen VHS's and whatnot. But something's changed. In olden day, Maury cared about these people. These dayz? Maury is laughing his fool head off at the very thought of these wastes o' skin. Ha! He's become a villain on his own TV show. Good move.

Rating ***

Where It All Began: Maury's turn toward the misanthropic an be traced to his now classic "Phobias" episode. Here's a clip at where the evil began.




Leave It To The Lamas- Dreadful. I was hoping that I had "gone on" before something like this was committed to video tape, you know like when we're overtaken by aliens in 2393. But sadly this has to happen now. There's not much here besides the most fractured family ever to be assembled for a "reality" program. According to rumor, AJ put the moves on his dad (Lorenzo's) ex-wife Shauna Sand who mercifully isn't featured here. From what I can see Lorenzo seems to be struggling a bit. His daughter is way boring and the show itself is proof that we're all being punished. Other than that? It's fine.


Rating **




The Doctors- The less said about this show the better. While I can't bring myself to look at another pic from that death panel called "hosts" from this program, let's look at the executive producer, Jay McGraw. Here this sad, sad man is making himself the story with his Playboy playmate wife. Will anyone watch this show? I'm not. What I care!



Rating **




Exclusive: Jay and Erica's baby is going to be born male or female--the real father is, well you know who...

The Heene Family: All Kinds of Crazy

Oh hi. It's just a rash. Sadly I can't be left alone, I've been trying to do a diary entry about my 8 tracks but the fools in the world just won't let up. Of course by now we've all heard about that little child and his balloon misadventure. Turns out the little demon let his daddy's balloon loose while he hid up in the attic next to the wok and record machine. That fool wasn't even on it when it tumbled down to the ground! There's more. The Heene family has/have (dyslexic) been making the TV rounds like old pros. Why? Because they are old pros. These folks have been on the surprisingly not canceled Wife Swap not once but twice. Even a cursory look at the internets shows they've been on TV more than Milton Berle. Here's a few clips with commentary...



Today Show Hurl- Ain't that a shame. Here Father Heene is trying to explain away the wheels falling off this little charade. He's not doing a good job. Sadly we also see little Falcon hurl. Ha! Poor thing.



Dog Poop- Here's a clip from the Heene family channel on YouTube. We see dad looking like David Foster bribing his chirrens to pick up, as he so delicately put it, dog shit. Really. I can't imagine using such guttural talk around kids. It's a shame, hell shit!



Wife Swap's 100 episode. This sums up the Heene's in 9 minutes. They're probably at their wretched best on this, their second stint on Wife Swap. While everyone's sounding off about Crazy Dad Heene, the wife Mayumi is not much better. Frankly she might be even more of a freak show then her crazy husband. Did you hear her singing? She's no Flora Purim that's for sure. And while we're at it, can you believe how crude they all are? And I know damn well that stormchasing nonsense isn't covering those car notes. Ain't nothing going on, but the rent!





Update: At press time, the Heene's have stopped talking to the press. My requests for an interview have been denied. I'm so mad I just sharted.