Friday, December 09, 2005

I Love Proactiv

I got another big assignment. The folks at the Proactiv site wanted me to "gussy" up their drab biographies. You know, make them sound like they came from the "actual people." The quotes in italics are what the stars actually said. I can't make that up. And to see if we're on the same page, they want me to put on my editor's cap, and see my notes just what I think as I read them, kind of like Me Unfiltered. Yes an unorthdox and a potentially upsetting request...

"Having acne is a drag. You're self-conscious; it's embarrassing. I started breaking out when I was about sixteen, and that's a tough enough age without a face full of pimples. Acne doesn't care how old you are; even in my thirties I was still breaking out and in my business, that's unacceptable.... If only we had it sooner."

Yes if we only had it sooner, we would have been spared Vanessa Williams's ugly face. Yeah right. In fact I don't remember her having acne and really if she did? Not a deal breaker. And I agree, acne doesn't care how old you are, acne is a helluva drug...

"I just had so much build up and so many clogged pores that once I started using Proactiv Solution, my face was just shining. Looking back, I can just see how much I've grown and actually I know it sounds weird and crazy, but Proactiv had so much to do with it just because when, your confidence is fixed, everything else shines...I'm a very confident woman because I love my skin."

Well that top part is certain a candidate for the Too Much Information files. When I was a kid, we didn't have Proactiv. In fact the folks who had acne where shunned and shuttled off into private communities, Zit Zones we called them. If those rules were in place in 1999 or so, pre-Proactiv Jessica Simpson would have been the mayor of Zit Town.

Editor's Note: For my fellow dyslexics, "top part" might read like "pop tart" well it does for me...

“I know the beauty that I have, and the beauty that's inside of me and inside of us all. But there's a certain feeling you feel naturally when your skin just doesn't look very nice, and you have to continue to go out into the world..."

Wow wee, had to stop that right there. That everyone's beautiful clap trap plays even worst in the infomercial. Now Alicia Keys did/does have a problem with acne, she's not kidding about that one. And let's admit, it's not going to be that heinous with her either. Of all of the folks mentioned here there's documentation that shows she needed Proactiv. She wasn't lying, she needed it bad.

"It's like a secret, one of my secrets that people don't know about is that I used to have bad skin. That’s why I started to use Proactiv. This is a product that I believe in. I just think it's worth a try, and I'm just sharing with you my story, you know, which has helped to keep my skin healthy... Proactiv is the solution.”

Thanks for sharing Puffy. And yeah, his part on this commercial is so uncutous, he reverted back to Puffy. This bio was composed around 2003 during the last leg of Combs's rehabilitation tour. At that point P. Diddy probably would have talked about anything that wasn't about guns and clubs. I can hear him now, "Yeah yeah, I was a kamikaze pilot. Amelia Earhart? Yeah yeah, I'm still looking for her."

"I've been using Proactiv Solution for six years and it's the only thing that has ever worked for me. I want to share the fact that I understand that pain and there's an answer, and the answer is to.... try Proactiv. I'm one hundred percent sure that if they try it, it will help them."

Look, it's Stephanie Seymour. You know what else is bad for your skin? Sleeping with Axl Rose. It's been over ten years and I still can't believe she let that wild boar touch her "happiness." Sure she's moved on, married, had a couple of kids, but all I remember is her appearing in those horrible Guns and Roses videos.

Arrghhh, Splat!

"...The great thing about Proactiv is that it's a fantastic skin treatment, whether you have acne or not. It's gentle, it's effective, it's a sort of exfoliant, which I really like - my skin has a better texture about it and it's easy to use."

Elle she made that sound exciting. I've got to say I had a ton of fun looking at her video at the Proactiv site. Not to be a party pooper but I don't remember her life spinning out of control due to outbreaks either. I also surfed the net and found out that Macpherson dated Billy Joel. Billy Joel?

My acne was so bad I had to grow a beard, Proactiv is the solution...

That's all he has to say? Damn fool!
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