Larry Holmes and Evander Holyfield: Song and Dance Men

"Are they crazy?"

Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Fred Astaire, those are true legends. Let's not close the book right there however. In fact I like to add two new names I feel are their true heirs: Evander Holyfield and Larry Holmes. Both of them are following in the footsteps of entertainment dynamos like Joe Frazier and Gerry Cooney. While those two are our biggest superstars today, I'd like to think Evander and Larry will give them a run for their money.


I got a chance to see Mr. Larry Holmes in action on the VH1 series But Can They Sing? In Holmes's case, let me say it, "Definately." As any person in the business knows, Holmes has "it." For the aforementioned program Holmes dazzled the crowd with his 8 Track blue suit and his dance moves that look like staggering to the untrained eye. That's not important, with Larry Holmes--it's all about the voice. He chose to sing James Brown's "I Feel Good." It was chilling and very moving. You know I'm going to avoid But Can They Sing? like the plague. Why? Because I know Larry can't possibly top that stellar performance.

I hadn't heard of Evander Holyfield before his stint on Dancing with the Stars. Someone told me he was a "boxer." Yeah right, Holyfield is a born dancer and that's where he's earned his raves, correct me if I'm wrong. Seeing Holyfield "in the zone" is a real threat. On the show he did "The Shimmy" and "The Jog." Holyfield even raised the stakes and began to move like he couldn't dance just to throw off the competition. Evander Holyfield is an innovator. Did he win? Nope. If you ask me everyone was just jealous. Me? I'm happy to see such talent still present in show business...

Typecast!

Typecasting is one of the world's most interesting things. We've all seen movies were an actor plays the same role over and over again. Often they are hemmed in by it, or they take their limited opportunities straight to the bank and make way more than chump change. Here's a few of my favorites...

Greg Germann- Is he friend or foe? That's been Germann's deal in the movies. He's often cast as the best friend of the main character yet you don't know if he's on the up and up. Watching him in movies and television is often entertaining. Even if he's giving good advice, you have expect him to "report" to someone on a little phone and soon his best bud and his car are up in flames.

The Handiwork: Ned and Stacey, Sweet November, Ally McBeal

Bookem Woodbine-His legend proceeds him. I've seen Bookem Woodbine in a ton of stuff. Oddly enough a lot of those scripts have him being led off in cuffs or worse. To be truthful, his performance in Jason's Lyric has pretty much numbed me to any of his other work. But then again, ol' Books has a jam packed resume filled with mush-mouthed, morally reprehensible jokers. They're all interchangeable and totally tiresome.

Danger Zone: Elevated


My goodness, Joe Pesci. The '90s was certainly his decade. When you think of Joe Pesci however it isn't the role in Lethal Weapon 3 or even With Honors. My immediate thought of our Joey is a generic, little, short-tempered guy cracking horrible jokes best delivered with Robert DeNiro looking on and laughing. You know, this is a case where I'd actually like to see more Pesci characters like that. More typecasting, please!

An Idiot's Wish: I'd love to see a TV series where Pesci could do this stuff week after week or until his character is taken care of by way of a hail of gunfire.


Natasha Gregson Wagner- You know the role she's famous for: The Crazy Girl You Can Probably Sleep With. First off, I'm a big fan of her mom, Natalie Wood. I'm a fan of Gregson's too, but I'm a little tired of seeing her cover this same ol' ground. I've seen her in a variety of things and the whole deal isn't progressing a whole heck of a lot. For the most part, producers seem to be tilting her toward two directions, horny girl or crazy girl. In fact I'm sure there's a movie where she does both quite handily. I'll be on the lookout.


Tamala Jones- Yes Jones has been in a bunch of movies and television. She often plays the mouthy, angry woman who really isn't worth the trouble anyway. In fact she does her roles so well she sets my teeth on edge. That's some skills! Jones is closing in one a decade of the same role. That's dandy. I have a feeling it's as bad in real life as it seems on the screen.

The Stats: Everything she's been in except for TV version of Dangerous Minds.

Ron Silver- Turncoat Silver. Oh my, Ron can't seem to make up his mind these days. Is he a Democrat, Republican, Independent? It's a mystery! While he's downing George W. Bush's pablum by the pot full, he's also filling his resumé with patented almost Al Pacino roles. It wasn't always like this. As late as his turn as Tommy Wilmette on Chicago Hope it was a patently intense Ron Silver performance. These days he's mostly known as a chatty powderkeg on political shows and for his Pacino reminiscent shtick. Who da thunk it?

The Damage: Colossal

Everyone Loves the Chevy Chevette

You know looking for pics for this, at first the search engine brought nothing. Then it said, "Do You Mean Chevy Corvette." Oh, Contrary. I know what I'm looking for and the Chevy Chevette's got it all. Like a lot of little round cars like the stylish Pinto or the self-aggrandizing Le Car, the Chevette was durable and simple. The fact that is sucked is a fact I can totally overlook.

Although the Chevette was made from 1976 to 1987, the cultural peak was probably the late '70s and early '80s. Who can forget those interviews where the superstars talked about their Chevettes. That's how the Chevette got its name, "Chevettes: The Car That Superstars Talk About." Despite its stolid and bland presentation, the Chevette went through quite a few changes both mechanical and cosmetic. It didn't matter, the car was doomed to be an object of mirth, derision and embarrassment.


The '90s seemed to bring dark times for the Chevette label. In many neighborhoods it was the car most seen on the side of the road and "smoking." During my stint as a first class hitch-hiker, the Chevette's seemed to have the "kookiest" people behind the wheel. The stench was noxious more often than not, but I digress. These days the Chevette are now the preferred vehicle to have pushed into the woods with weeds growing where a windshield used to be. In all seasons, the Chevette rules!

A horror movie in the making...

Pop Culture Idiot Oddities, Again...

Often there are things that puzzle me. Granted it doesn't take much but here's a few...

Well, well, well. That's the young lady that the media is saying is Janet Jackson's daughter. Got to say if this is a bogus story, she does look a little like young, pre-plastic surgery Janet. She also resembles the alleged father, Janet's ex-husband James DeBarge. Like everything, this all goes back to the TV series version of Fame. As fans know Jackson had to take a powder during her last season. Others wondered why she looked a bit "off" before her exit. You know why? She probably had a kid.

This just in: Here's Jackson's response: "I do not have a child and all allegations saying so are false," Janet said before she took off on her broom...

Oops: The woman in the pic has been discovered to be Jackie Jackson's daughter Brandy.


Here I was surfing the net, looking for places to talk about my beloved R&B. I saw this and almost sharted. This is of course a cover of a Ray Charles album. It's a painting no doubt. The album was released on Hurrah Records in the early '60s. You know what? That doesn't look a whole heck of a lot like Ray Charles. To me it does look like Jamie Foxx as Ray Charles.




Oh give it a rest...






I've noticed a similarity between Ty Pennington and Kato Kaelin. They aren't twins by any stretch. They aren't that similar. But in regards to Kato, it gives us a taste of what could have been. It occurred to me that Kato could have enjoyed that Backstreet Boy level of success if he only had one thing: The skill to create Gingerbread Man themed bedrooms for little girls doomed to detest and outgrow them.





On the other hand Kato's been hanging around doing something close to nothing for a long time. Just looking at those pics makes me think there's an alien somewhere who is fusing the worst parts of both of them and is hell bent on our total annihilation...

Holly Hallstrom v. Bob Barker: Case Closed

This case had been in the courts for years. Former the Price is Right hostess Holly Hallstrom sued the "beloved" Bob Barker on the grounds of an unfair dismissal among other things. For those who are queasy, perhaps it might be best to turn away. We're going to tell the truth on Bob. Well, Holly claims that Bob hasselled her about her weight gain. In fact in 1995, he was cracking wise on Miss Hallstrom. In the archival footage we can see Bob filled with rage. If he thought he was going to escape from justice, he had ten another thinks coming.

Here's the deal, Hallstrom was of the more popular Barker Beauties. She was the hot redhead of the classic lineup that also featured Dian Parkinson and Janice Pennington. Anyway Holly was relieved of her duties by 1995 after 18 years. Where's about Bob? Still doing dirt. He was sued by Parkinson too as well as many other folks, here's what some of have to say about him...









"Barker is probably the most vicious man I've met in my life,"

'My God, what a monster.'"

"He's a slippery devil,"

We're talking to you, Bob Barker. The good news? According to her recent interview with a regrettably sober Pat O' Brien, Hallstrom won her case. The total was between 5 and 10 million dollars. That's fantastic. Bob is still wasting time on his horrible show. Bob Barker can run, he can hide, he can run some more and hide again if he likes, but we're all sickened by him.

Kind of Watching It Movies: Gigli

I'm always one for arcane questions, debate and the like. For this movie, I've got nothing. At this point, it's not only obvious, it's a little redundant too. That fact makes this something I want to talk about. You know what's most impressive here? The level of bad. It's bad.

Gigli was released in August of 2003 and it was a tremendous artistic and commercial flop. Affleck's character Larry Gigli (Affleck) plays a small time hood who kidnaps the mentally challenged brother of a prosecution lawyer. It's clear that Gigli is an idiot and Ricki (Lopez) is assigned to help him. Ok stuff so far, right? In all honesty, it is a promising premise--yet it's one that's hampered by silly sitcom-y devices and flat-out cringe worthy dialogue. Affleck and Lopez get the worst of it as typified by their speeches about the meaning of their private parts. Oh yeah, Lopez's character is a lesbian.

I could barely watch this one even despite Jennifer Lopez and Lainie Kazan. Kazan actually did a good job here. Al Pacino actually crossed into Ron Silver annoyance territory. The worst part? Pacino didn't offer one good catch phrase. That's so wrong.

Gigli's Biggest Failure: Nah it wasn't Martin Brest. Despite the fact that the writing and direction was putrid, it was Ben Affleck. With his fluctuating accent, attempt at coasting on charm, it's clear that Affleck didn't have a sense of who Larry Gigli was. It is also clear that even if he did have a handle on it, Gigli is one boring dude.

The Runner Up: Jennifer Lopez. In retrospect, this wasn't a great time for her artistically. For a little bit, despite her hot looks and charm, she became a bland, ill-defined caricature of herself. She's barely here.

Oddly Fun: Lainie Kazan. Hey, there's no way to make that sound cool...

This movie was: Terrible


Production Budget $54 million
Marketing Costs: $20 million
US Gross: $6,087,542
Overseas Gross: $1,178,667
Pop Culture Idiot Calculator: Not Good

Adam Bricker, What?

You know I've been thinking about a lot of things, oddly enough nothing's more pressing. Here's the elephant on the Lido Deck? How did this guy get to sleep with so many women on his show. I'm sure we're all familiar with the concept of fantasy, but this was ridiculous. I'm not exactly Lando Calrissian so I'm not even going to talk about Bricker's agressively mediocre looks. But good lord, the writers gave this dude a lot of action. Me? The very idea of this guy's doctor's office and bedroom being a revolving door is a wee too much for me to fathom. Heh, I said "fathom."

Even from the beginning it was clear that Adam was going to be the show's resident horn dog. Of course there were other actors there like Ted Lange, Fred Grandy and of course the ladies favorite, Gavin McLeod. If my memory serves, ol' Adam was doing more than holding hands and making all kinds of plans. Ever wonder about Adam's ratio compared to the other guys? Well Bricker's conquests were safely in the triple digits. Between Issac and Gopher? Less than me. Merill Stubbing ended up with Mrs. Cunningham. Totally slanted.


Pop Culture Idiot Fact: Adam Bricker had a full head of hair, Bernie Kopell was going down Gavin McLeod lane and sported a toupee.

Bricker: The Later Seasons: Much like Lamont got oddly somnolent and dull during those final seasons of Sanford and Son, so did the Love Boat's anchor Adam Bricker. America has never recovered...


Vincent Price says, "We spent some time with Adam too! It was delightful..."

Wow, You Can Actually Call These Stars...

You know I was puttering around the net and I stumbled across this monstrosity and I couldn't believe my eyes. Sadly, our ears and wallets are also a part of this bargain. It seems that a few of our favorite celebrities have been filling their coffers via phone messages and video calls. Good lord. I have to admit while this isn't prostitution or another disturbing occupation, I was shocked by a few of them. Disappointed? Close. Here's a few of them.


That's David Keith. David Keith. Sometimes seeing a person on a service like this is way awkward. This is one of those times. Keith strikes me as the mercurial sort. Here you are ready to chew the fat for your 15 minutes and David puts the phone down, steps away and shoots the receiver. One word for that: Refund.


Well this one's totally expected. Yep, that pic and the one at the post office match up, that's Dennis Haskins. Haskins has been taking Mr. Belding to the bank for close to 50 years. Off the top of my noggin, I can't think of a darned thing to talk about with Mr. Belding. That's the good news.


Lorenzo Lamas? What in the world? Looks like Lorenzo's a bit on the pricey side in the Hollywoodiscalling ranks. You've got to love that "duh" expression in that pic. According to the site, Lorenzo's unavailible to speak with at the present time. I can't think of a reason to call him anyway..


An idiot's quandary. After I was just dismissing this very idea look who joined the party. That's Piggy Thomas from Road Rules. She always struck me as very interesting person, I bet she's fun to talk with too.


Other people on the site: Ron Pallio, Larry Thomas, the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, Tony Todd. Oops, that's enough...

James Brown: Pop Culture Achiever of the Minute

James Brown hanging out with Muhammad Ali...

It seems that I've had some turmoil on my blog. It's come to my attention that Gerald Ford has been derelict in his duties as a "Pop Culture Achiever." He even fired off a nasty email. Jerry's new to the information super highway, he sent it to me 15 times. With a mailbox full of nonsense and a lazy-ass achiever, it's with great sadness that I bid Gerald Ford adieu.

On to the good stuff. Yes, your eyes aren't deceiving you. I'm going to celebrate James Brown, but with a catch, it's only for the years he wore a moustache. Brown fans know that era was from roughly from 1974 to 1978. Great days indeed. James Brown covered a lot of ground during that time. "The Payback" was his first gold album. It's also a time when he released 1,030 45's. Brown can be seen during this time by way of his appearance in the film 1996's When We Were Kings. The film captured Brown and his band performing in 1974.


A Fast Moustache Fact: In the printings of Rolling Stone's Illustrated History of Rock N' Roll they used a pic of James from this time frame. The caption stated that James Brown's moustache "didn't last." I disagree, James Brown's moustache is forever.

The Drawbacks: James Brown's moustache made him look shorter and like a dictator.

Some Of My Favorite Past Their Prime Orioles

The Oriole Bird sez, "4th place rocks!"

I can laugh at this but the Orioles have made signing past their prime players job one. For this I had to say "some" of my favorites, there's plenty more. In the Orioles defense most of those folks don't make Baltimore their last stop. They make it their second to last stop.




Ozzie Guillen- I was especially emotional when looking for pictures of Mr. Guillen. I saw a life by way of a mindless Yahoo photo search. The smiles, the signing ceremonies, the celebrations. For the Orioles? 12 games and an .063 batting average.

Where's Ozzie?: While the Orioles 2005 season was the biggest failure since NBC's "Coupling," Guillen is now the manager of the White Sox, a team that actually wins games...


Doug Drabek-When pitching coach turned manager Ray Miller finally got the gig in Baltimore, he was reminded of the player who helped him during his barely remembered his successful early '90s run in Pittsburgh. That person was Doug Drabek. By 1998 time wasn't treating his whole deal any better, but Drabek fit right in with other players in the crappy pitchers era. This was a team who also employed players in their worst form like Norm Charlton, Heathcliff Slocumb, Kent Mercker and Mike Timlin. Drabek? He went 6-11 with a 7.29 era. What did Slocumb bring to the party for that 1998 Summer of Hurt? A 12.68 era. Ooh wee!

Was it his fault: Oh no. Sandy Koufax at his peak couldn't succeed with the 1998 Orioles



Joe Carter- I wasn't expecting a whole heck of a lot when the Orioles signed him. But keeping with the decline aesthetic, it was the first time he hit less than 20 homers in a season. You know I do have memories of Joe Carter dominating the game and being a hitting machine. For the Orioles? Big nothing.

Joe Carter: Uh oh, he's coming after me...



Will Clark- Will wasn't excatly "the Thrill" in Baltimore. Long story short. O's first baseman Rafael Palmeiro left in a snit because the Orioles signed Albert Belle. Clark and Palmeiro all but replaced one another on their respective new teams. At this point Clark and his game eating injuries were a package deal. During the 1999 season Clark was only in 77 games. Baltimore shipped in off in mid 2000. The end result? Not that thrilling--at all.

A note: Will Clark ended his career in St. Louis. That's enough about him, he's one intense dude.



Glenn Davis- Glenn Davis, the wave of the future. More like future destroyer. The Orioles sent a couple of kids to Houston for slugger Davis. Those kids? Pete Harnisch, Steve Finley and Curt Schilling. Davis had major damage. He "recovered" came back and still didn't produce. He was out of the majors by 1993. Harnisch recently ended his respectable career. Steve Finley's still playing and we all know the deal on Schilling. The Pop Culture Idiot lesson? Don't sacrifice promising pitchers for an injured slugger.

Great Fact: Davis is known for his work with at-risk kids. He reportedly has two homes for them, a third is on the way if not completed. There's no word what Davis is going to be doing for at-risk adults like me...

I Hate Paris Hilton

Fat Joe: Career Over...


I've got to say, I can't stand Paris Hilton. Being the diplomat I am, I've tried to keep it under wraps, but that pic was the camel that broke the straws back. I'm dismayed. First off, I'm pissed at Fat Joe--who was talked about quite favorably in this blog. I'm sickened at the fact that he had the temerity to bust a few rhymes in Hilton's general proximity. Later for Fat Joe. It's hating on Paris time.


Paris has entered pop culture for no reason at all. Certainly her parents are rich--but it's doubtful they are on the upper echelon of the really rich people. For the past few years Paris has bored the world with her premiere appearences, late night antics and those same three to four poses. Here's something. Paris Hilton isn't that attractive. In fact the more you know her, the less appealing it gets. The sex tape? Just saw a clip, she didn't even do that right.

You know, if it takes a new found disdain for Fat Joe to make me see I'm not liking Paris Hilton any better, then so be it...

Those two? I think they're kind of cute...

Pop Culture Idiot: Achiever of the Minute: Gerald Ford

Hi. I wanted to call this "Achiever of the Minisecond" because I hope I'll have someone on deck besides Gerald Ford. Plus, it's hard for folks to come close to that Jeroen Krabbe like excellence anyway.


Gerald Ford was our 38nd president. He wasn't elected. Ford was named as vice-president in 1973 when Spiro Agnew resigned. About Gerald Ford, he is and he'll always be an exciting American icon. The way he pardoned Richard Nixon to the way he ducked assassination attempts, Gerald packed a lot of living in those nearly four years. And Ford being Ford, a lot of that time was spend on the ground. It seems our Gerald was total klutz.

As a Democrat, I can say I actually liked Gerald Ford, well until he got creepy. Robert Dole was chosen as his running mate for the 1976 campaign. At the time Ford was floundering. Dole wasn't exactly the avuncular elder-statesman at that time. He was a powderkeg as evidenced by any pictures or clip of him during the time. In any event the Ford/Dole ticket was beaten by Jimmy Carter and Walter Mondale. Geez, the good ol' days? Things are so bad now, I'll take either of those heinous tickets.

The Forrest Gump Goof: During the part of the movie when it's the summer of 1976, Carter is seen as president. Not quite. Ford was in office until January of 1977.

Ford with his VP Nelson Rockefeller. Wow, I actually remember that guy...

The Mike Douglas Show

Mike hanging out with Starbuck of "Moonlight Feels Right" fame...


I got some crappy news today. Someone told me that the Mike Douglas Show is off the air. Douglas had a syndicated daytime talk show that debuted in 1961. Pop culture wise, for me Douglas didn't get cracking until the late '60s. His peak was perhaps all of the '70s.


By the '70s the Mike Douglas Show was kitschy fare with celebrities in their natural habitat in various states of consciousness. The program has been typified by the week John Lennon and Yoko Ono hosted in 1972. Around the same era Sly Stone made a glassy eyed stint his whole week as co-host. Besides the rock stars, the show also was a place to see Totie Fields, Stan Kahn, as well as pretty much every famous and semi-famous stars of the time.

Of course thinking about Mike Douglas we have to address the obvious. Mike wasn't excatly a ball of fire. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find a more bland entertainer. Oddly enough, it worked for him like it worked for no one else. There is also another problem. Don't let Mike sing--you'll be begging to hear Vic Damone.

By the late '70s, the ratings began to decline. Some might remember when Westinghouse gave Mike the bum's rush for a rising talk show talent John Davidson. I'll say it, it was an unjustified firing and gross miscalculation. Due to the glut of subsequent programs that tried to adopt the Douglas paradigm; the original article has only grown in esteem.


Other stuff: Although some of his shows are availible on tapes and DVD's, Douglas has been mum about the actual underground location that houses those miles of shows.



Update: Kimberly Shaw has found that location and has sent it all sky high...

Plastic Men: The Jordan Knight and MC Hammer Action Figures

Action figures nothing, these are straight-up dolls. You know I'm baffled at how I even stumbled across these atrocities. I haven't stopped laughing...



Jordan Knight: Who knew that New Kids on the Block member was immortalized in such a way. Well I did, but I totally forgot about it. Mattel put this on the market during the peak of New Kids mania. Jordan was not alone, his other NK brothers were also availible for a time. Like a lot of hastily made, similiar products; this looks nothing like the subject at hand. In fact it looks like a ton of other folks, just not Jordan.


Gift To Trash Time Span: Probably a year, and that's charitable. As NKOTB were shook loose from the charts, this rendered this and the other figures completely superflous.

The Collateral Damage: Sadly there was some. The very idea of being immortalized in such a manner guaranteed the guys would become laughingstocks.

M.C. Hammer: That's not bad all things considered. Unlike the Knight fiasco, this actually does look like M.C. Hammer. And that's a problem. When this was issued Hammer was leaving the ranks of the musican and was easing over to the dreaded celebrity. During this era he lost the "M.C." did corny commercials and started to do unlistenable and barely danceable music. The fine folks at Mattel brought us this one, ABC gave us the Saturday morning cartoon, Hammerman. Hammer? Well he descended into parody by way of all that hooey. The doll? It's great. It looks like him. A bit of thought actually went into it. There's a spiffy outfit, a tad ornate, but it's his call. Accessories? Sure thing. Hammer has a microphone and glasses. A cassette was also included. Too bad for Hammer it didn't say "Please help me." We all could have staged an intervention then and there.

The Value: Not a whole heck of a lot

The Downside: The very idea

An Idiot's Take: Thinking about it, Hammer did rebound artistically speaking for his 1994 CD for Giant. Sadly the glitter pants era seemed to define him.

My Favorite Commercial Pitchwomen

You know sometimes you see someone in a commercial and they really catch your eye. That's when a commercial actually works. Here's a few of the ones I like. Would it make me buy the product? Of course not...


This is of course Sabine Ehrenfeld from those Overstock.com commercials. For a site that sells a ton of stuff classified as hooey, what a great ad campaign. Geeks like me across the globe just love looking at her. Why not. A great face, a cool personality and very expressive eyes too. I read an article that wondered if Sabine and her hotness overpowered the product. Nah, I don't think so at all. Overstock.com is such a scintillating business, someone like Ehrenfeld can't help but be dwarfed by its star power...





You know, I wasn't always crazy about Teresa Hill. When she was younger I found her a tad boring, don't know why. During her turn as Eden August on Guiding Light I realized how hot she is. Hill now appears in that Crest Whitestrips commercial, you know the one where she says, "Dr. Stevens, I can explain." Brilliantly delivered. I am a fan.





That's Kristen Wilson. She appeared with Eddie Murphy in that Dr. Doolite movies. She also played Montel Williams's love interest in his 1996 CBS series Matt Waters. I also remember her from a Head and Shoulders commercial. She was a hairdresser and some geek was saying something or other and one of Kristen's lines was, "Save it for the stage Romeo." Hah, I still love that--and I love her. Wow, I'm glad I put that in the version no one can see...




Surfing for pics of the Yoplait Lady. Isn't that what we all do at 3AM? That's Leisha Hailey, she appears on the L Word. Betcha five dollars she's not especially sanguine in that pic. I mostly know her from those Yoplait commercials. What an interesting look, very striking...






I first saw the lovely Nancy Travis on an Excedrin commercial in the late '80s. I was a young man, I liked helping my community at large. And all of my good work gave me a headache. Nancy played a frazzled business woman who said, "I've got a headache this big and it's got Excedrin written all over it." Classic stuff. Here's a shocker, they still make Excedrin.

McDonald's McFailures

After scaring myself with the very idea of the Burger King mascot, it made me think of other horror stories via the fast food business. What chain would be responsible for such ghoul? You guessed it, Mikey D’s.


McDLT- The McDLT had a brainy idea. Unlike those hamburger hedonist that brazenly piled their lettuce and tomatoes on a hamburger, the McDLT was going to play Einstein and separate the two. The tag line for the commercial was, “The hot stays hot and the cool stays cool.” How long was this going to last? Is there any upside to cold lettuce in a hamburger? Despite the build up, the hot was warm, the cool was warm, the styofoam container created a clammy mess.

Disclaimer: According to my research, the McDLT had been in existence since 1985. It didn’t get to my area until the early ‘90s. Thanks for the delay, I didn’t miss a thing.


Arch Deluxe- The Arch Deluxe was for the supposed discerning hamburger fan. In short, this was another valiant effort that resulted in total failure. What the Arch Deluxe was simple, a burger, a bakery bun, a mix of Dijon mustard and mayonnaise. In short, it was throw-up by way of the drive-thru. In a sense, the Arch Deluxe couldn't outrun the truth. Wendy's used better products, Burger King, a better cooking process. A hamburger without those variables seems to be destined to join the ranks of the also-rans. That's where this ended up. It barely lasted beyond 1997 although the other sandwiches from the “Deluxe” line are renamed and are still available.

Big N' Tasty: All told, the Big N' Tasty is doing oddly well. Someone who isn't a fan and had a wretched experience with it might be inclined to try it again. Why? Because they might think it wasn't that bad. Thing is, it always is that bad. It's the same condiment smeared beef cardboard it always is, with or without cheese.

The Hurl Bucket is nearby just in case...

Reality Show Dunderheads

I'm forgetting everything these days, except for reality TV's biggest a' holes. The dumb expressions, the stupidity, let's remember together, shall we...
For some odd reason The Cut with Tommy Hilfiger didn't take off as planned. It was basically an Apprentice like show where designers and artists complete tasks and one culpable for the losing team's failure gets sent home. In short order Tommy proved himself the most unlikeable boss, often dishing out crass, snippy comments in garb best described as futuristic zoot suits.

The Classic: Tommy Plane. Tommy asked his team to do artwork on those jet airliners. That's the winning team's entry. Tommy didn't like the caricature a whole heck of a lot. He said it was juvenile and it didn't look like him. One word for the likeness, spot-on.

VH1's Celebrity Fit Club doesn't get much respect. You know why? It's the Z list celebrities. I was taken by one contestant however. Joe Gannascoli appears on the Sopranos. Incidentally, Joey had to lose a ton of weight. In that health mecca affectionately called Las Vegas, Joey devised a desperate plan. He had to play the square by drinking water and had a donut nearby just in case. Joey rested a piece of donut on the plastic cup so he could trick himself by inhaling the treat while he drank that foolish H2O. "Donut water," Joey said wistfully. Indeed...



Harvey Walden's loud mouth and brusque attitude oddly enough hasn't made him popular. I'd say Walden peaked during that first season, the twitchy Daniel Baldwin era. During that time he squired a contestant, Kim Coles out on a date. Sadly there was no horse drawn carriage. Anyway, knowing Coles, the night was probably a corny, self-negating joke-a-thon. For withstanding that, let's give Col. Walden a gold star. What is up with that picture though. I'd take him more seriously if he didn't wear more lipstick than Apollonia did in Purple Rain...


Look what the pop culture vultures picked up. This is Raj Bhakta from the Apprentice 2. Jackass personified. That edition was so hard up for sub plots that this guy was deemed a ladies man. With his antiquated fashion sense, old man bow ties and jerk of the manor attire, Raj was an irritant. Recently Raj has been back in the news because he wants to run for congress. Oh goody. We don't need to look any further than his bumbling incompetence during his last task to get a taste of his management style. Pass...

Oh yeah: Raj is also famous for trying to get a date with Donald Trump's secretary Robin. They did go out but Raj blamed Robin's politics on the lack of amour. Yeah Raj, a real bridge builder...

Byron Allen: Like Savior Faire He's Everywhere

Thought you could only take Byron Allen in small doses? How about you. I bet you thought you could see that Kickin' It show on the weekend, grimace and then click finding succor in the Golden Girls or that Jenilee Harrison infomercial. No such luck. Byron Allen has again infiltrated late night TV. At least the premise is familiar. Since September, Allen has indeed offered his Entertainment Studios.com show to the weekly schedule. Sure it's corny, but it beats anything that creepy Jimmy Kimmel has to offer.


With the increased workload and interviews, the question that dogs Allen has become magnified. How in the world does he talk to everybody. There probably hasn't been a celebrity or noteable person he's missed. On his Kickin' It with Byron Allen program some of the interviews aren't exactly revelatory, it's a celebrity BS, mundane questions and off to the next one like so much assembly line. EntertainmentStudios.com is more of the same with Byron padding the half-hour with overlong, almost plot revealing movie clips. He also offers snippets from stand-up comedians and he's joined the now crowd by showing (get ready) videos. Wow, can't see those anywhere. All and all it's not great, not horrible--Byron Allen, you can't not like him.


Update: I just found out that Byron owns and is the CEO of EntertainmentStudios.com. In layman's terms that means mad, mad dollars, aka, crazy bank. Meanwhile I'm saving pennies in a jar...

Steve Sanders: Never Cool

Yeah you Steve, yeah you...

Something occured to me watching a rerun of Beverly Hills 90210, Steve Sanders was a big jerk. And since this subject is rife for ridicule and oddly poignant reflection, this might not be the last time I'll discuss it. But isn't this the truth? Despite his trademark dance moves, the money, the cars, Steve Sanders just wasn't cool. I bet folks aspired to be Jim Walsh rather than Steve, Steve?

Steve Sanders of course was a fixture and our television screens for years. Matter of fact he was young Brandon Walsh's seamy tour guide to the ins and outs of West Beverly. You know what was wrong with Sanders? Besides the expediency, the whining, the odd clothing sense; not much. Not much is good with Stevie either. Really let's be truthful, Steve was/is a disaster area, he's managed to mess up the lives of good folks like Kelly Taylor, Gerald Ford, Mrs. Teasley and Luke Perry. I'll count myself as a revolutionary by saying Steve Sanders makes me sick...

Although he's serving a lengthy sentence, the first day he's released, John Sears is going after Steve...

Burger King Icon Scares the Bejesus Out of Me

Absotutely revoltin'...I've found something that scares me--the Burger King Guy. Item: I've never been a fan of things out of context, so a once forgotten "icon" strutting around with zero facial movement ain't getting the job done for me. It wasn't supposed to be this way...

In the '70s Burger King made a semi-respectable character compared to Ronald McDonald, and the Burger Chef guys. In short, the Burger King posed no danger and obviously not a ton of appeal either. By the '80s the King gave up the ghost of trying to compete with such pop culture luminaries like Mayor McCheese. The Burger King did pay a bit of gratitude to Ronald in his farewell speech before he went into "exile."

Flash back up to around 2004. He's back and he's horrifying. Plus there's no back story, no thread of why he reappeared or even existed. King of what? There's no people or province to speak of, at least Ronald McDonald had McDonaldland. The operative word there is had, thanks Saddam Hussein.

The Low Lights: Everything? Everyone from Herb, Steve Harvey, Brooke Burke, Hootie and Paris Hilton have experienced the BK curse.

The Brightside: Nothing and it won't be as long as that nerve wracking mascot's in the picture...

Exit Stage Outta There

You know, thinking about Lionel and of course the two Captain Stubing's, it reminded me of a few actors who left or were asked to leave a series. Not sure on the particulars on the below examples but I wasn't really sanguine over any of these departures.

That's character actor Louis Giambalvo. He played editor Norman Keil, Hannah's boss on Anything But Love. Forget about exit stage right, he damn near evaporated. When the show came back the following fall, there was no sight of Giambalvo. He was replaced by the "hip" Ann Magnuson. Goody, the show took a header shortly thereafter.

The Good News: Although Giambalvo has yet to land a slot on a long-running program, in a parallel universe, The Louis Giambalvo Variety Hour pulls in great ratings. Also if any programming says either or both, "hip" and Ann Magnuson in the same sentence, run like the wind.

Our modern day Einstein Eriq LaSalle once said that Noah Wyle was the future of ER. I disagree, I think it could have been Kellie Martin, Omar Epps or as pictured, Jorja Fox. After a forced union with John Carter wasn't in the cars due to Maggie's sexual orientation; Doyle went down the ER chute of characters with no storyline/future.

Upgrade: Fox appears on CSI; you know the show that gets great ratings while ER clings to life.


Here's the big one. Those are pictures from the original cast from Life Goes On. Monique Lanier played the first Paige. I've got to say I had a big crush. Lanier was replaced by Tracey Needham for the reminder of the series. Needham certainly is talented but for me it wasn't the same.



Well, well, well look what I found. I had no idea. Lanier released this CD a couple of years ago. Very cool cover.

Lionel Jefferson, Both Of Them...

You know, this is interesting stuff. I find it more captiving than the two Darrin's. This is about the two actors who played Lionel Jefferson on the Jeffersons. The two actors? Mike Evans and Damon Evans. They're not related. It seems it's still a bone of contention--the level of ire is still at a prime Becky level.



Damon Evans was the second Lionel Jefferson. His run was a good one, from 1975 to 1978. Despite Evans bringing a different energy to the character of Lionel, many felt that the originator Mike Evans was Lionel Jefferson.

Update: Despite the Mike Evans's abrupt exit, he wasn't pulling a Caruso. Evans was the co-creator of the classic sitcom Good Times and departed to go work with the program. Evans's second stint as Lionel ran from 1979-1981. Mike's been a bit camera shy of late so if there's a Jeffersons reunion of some sort, Damon Evans probably will be Lionel.



Worst Dad Ever: George Jefferson didn't care who played the part of his only son...

Nick, Jessica and Nipsey Russell...

Oh hi. You know, having to adhere to the strict guidelines my "work release" program often hampers my output. Might as well get to it, waiting isn't going to make me like this batch of folks any better.

The debacle revisited...I hope he's happy now. After the outcome of the Dancing with the Stars competition, J. Peterman got pissed. He pitched a fit, ranted/raved and even took the low road and sounded off on Kelly Monaco's nude photos. There's only one thing to say about that: Thanks for the heads up. In the final "showdown" O' Hurley did indeed win. He won the first time. Look at Kelly, so happy about the outcome. She's a trouper.

The True Award: Big nothing. Little do Monaco and O'Hurley know but having Tom Bergeron and Lisa Canning preside over anything means the whole thing isn't worth a tinker's damn. Both O'Hurley and Monaco's earnings went to charity. Nice, they're still way puerile though...

They were happy about John's win...














Nick and Jessica. Talk about a give up the ghost award. Who doesn't want this to end at this point. This is brutal. Frankly I was shocked to see this "news" item over a bunch of more important stories. But then again Nick and Jessica do supersede frivolous bunk like hurricanes and terrorist threats. Their union certainly wasn't charmed to being with. From Jessica acting like a moron to Nick being a total jackass, we're all but begging for confirmation that this is over.




Nipsey Russell You can thank Nick and Jessica for knocking this off the front page. If you didn't know, it's my displeasure to share this industry knowledge, we lost frequent Match Game guest Nipsey Russell. Frankly I don't believe he's gone, he looks as fit as a fiddle in that pic.


Back at the set: Bart Braverman wrestles Dick Martin to the ground to get Nipsey's seat.

Larry "Bud" Melman vs. Calvert DeForest

Well I got the shock of a lifetime, I was Larry “Bud” Melman is still alive. Yeah, I know. I could have sworn I saw a David Letterman clip show of Larry Bud’s “classics" with slow motion and the tell tale two dates at the end deal.

Larry’s demise was a possibility--but Larry didn’t fulfill his end of the bargain. That’s good news for us, yet totally ho-hum for that team of assassins who hunt Melman for sport. Here’s the back story. He was a hilarious fixture on the classic NBC show Late Night with David Letterman. Of course after Letterman moved to CBS, NBC wouldn’t let Letterman or Melman keep the “Larry “Bud” Melman name. Melman returned to his given name Calvert DeForest.

Even during the peak of his involvement with Letterman, DeForest seemed to low-ball it. His lowlights include, Mr. Write,the odious 30 minute video, The Couch Potato Workout and Encino Woman. It’s safe to say Merchant and Ivory weren’t responsible of any of those gems. Although they gave it a go, DeForest/Mehlman seemed to be the one thing that didn’t translate that well for David and his new program...

Pop Culture Idiot Lesson of the Day: Larry "Bud" Melman? Funny. Calvin DeForest--not so much...

Thinking About Chunky A

Chunky A living the life fandango....

I've been thinking about those early days of rock n’ roll. You know, Timmy T., Stevie B. and of course the legendary Tommy Page. They all made me think of yet another icon, Chunky A. There’s a word I don’t throw around lightly, it’s become a cliché but here goes it; Chunky A was a recording artist. He certainly had his eye to what the kids were listening to. In fact, the hideous sales amount of his classic, Large and In Charge just let me know the world wasn’t quite ready for him. But then again some called Chunky A an “embarrassment” and they called him, “the lamest prank ever.”

I don’t agree, and neither did Arsenio Hall. Chunky A and Hall were legendary close friends, so much so they never appeared in public together. It was said that neither one wanted to hog the spotlight from their “friend.” That’s dandy.

Item: After delivering the dance floor classic, “Owww” we waited for Chunky A to release that all-important follow-up. It didn’t happen. Chunky was released from his MCA contract and the world didn't hear from him again.


Oh yeah, Robert Stack's no longer with us...

Guys Next Door

Now these guys were the real deal Holyfield. You know I can't think of a group who did the same thing these guys did. I'd be hard pressed to think of an act (that existed concurrently) who accomplished ten times the amount of success the Guys Next Door attained. Ok, I can think of one but that does not diminish GND's fabulous run of hits. TV stars? That's purely coincidental. They were on other level; musical innovators. Despite the fact that the world is still clamoring for something called "a comeback" believe it or not, GND's run wasn't that long. They had a NBC Saturday morning program that ran from August 1990 to January 1991. Kids across the globe shared their late summer, fall and early winter with their heroes and they never forgot. And sadly due to their notoriety of the time, I'm certain some young groupies have "special" memories of one or all five of these jokers. Show business--you've got to love it.



Recorded history: The Guys actually managed to eek out 2 top 40 hits for SBK Records. The songs include the classics, "Magic Night," "Telephone Talking" and "Bust Your Attitude." Even a cursory look at a chart of the time sees the guys sharing the limelight with textbook music non-entities like George Michael, Whitney Houston and Eric Clapton...

Pop Culture Idiot Achiever of the Minute: Jeroen Krabbé

Hey ya'll prepare yourselves, it's Jeroen Jeroen, Jeroen Krabbé.


Jeroen Krabbé is a distingushed character actor. In fact I can't think of anyone who quite captures his morally flawed characters and out and out skullduggery nearly as well. He does his dirty deeds with an evil glint in his eye. And that phony smile, you