Sunday, October 16, 2005

Plastic Men: The Jordan Knight and MC Hammer Action Figures

Action figures nothing, these are straight-up dolls. You know I'm baffled at how I even stumbled across these atrocities. I haven't stopped laughing...

Jordan Knight: Who knew that New Kids on the Block member was immortalized in such a way. Well I did, but I totally forgot about it. Mattel put this on the market during the peak of New Kids mania. Jordan was not alone, his other NK brothers were also availible for a time. Like a lot of hastily made, similiar products; this looks nothing like the subject at hand. In fact it looks like a ton of other folks, just not Jordan.

Gift To Trash Time Span: Probably a year, and that's charitable. As NKOTB were shook loose from the charts, this rendered this and the other figures completely superflous.

The Collateral Damage: Sadly there was some. The very idea of being immortalized in such a manner guaranteed the guys would become laughingstocks.

M.C. Hammer: That's not bad all things considered. Unlike the Knight fiasco, this actually does look like M.C. Hammer. And that's a problem. When this was issued Hammer was leaving the ranks of the musican and was easing over to the dreaded celebrity. During this era he lost the "M.C." did corny commercials and started to do unlistenable and barely danceable music. The fine folks at Mattel brought us this one, ABC gave us the Saturday morning cartoon, Hammerman. Hammer? Well he descended into parody by way of all that hooey. The doll? It's great. It looks like him. A bit of thought actually went into it. There's a spiffy outfit, a tad ornate, but it's his call. Accessories? Sure thing. Hammer has a microphone and glasses. A cassette was also included. Too bad for Hammer it didn't say "Please help me." We all could have staged an intervention then and there.

The Value: Not a whole heck of a lot

The Downside: The very idea

An Idiot's Take: Thinking about it, Hammer did rebound artistically speaking for his 1994 CD for Giant. Sadly the glitter pants era seemed to define him.
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