Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Kind of Watching It Movies: Gigli

I'm always one for arcane questions, debate and the like. For this movie, I've got nothing. At this point, it's not only obvious, it's a little redundant too. That fact makes this something I want to talk about. You know what's most impressive here? The level of bad. It's bad.

Gigli was released in August of 2003 and it was a tremendous artistic and commercial flop. Affleck's character Larry Gigli (Affleck) plays a small time hood who kidnaps the mentally challenged brother of a prosecution lawyer. It's clear that Gigli is an idiot and Ricki (Lopez) is assigned to help him. Ok stuff so far, right? In all honesty, it is a promising premise--yet it's one that's hampered by silly sitcom-y devices and flat-out cringe worthy dialogue. Affleck and Lopez get the worst of it as typified by their speeches about the meaning of their private parts. Oh yeah, Lopez's character is a lesbian.

I could barely watch this one even despite Jennifer Lopez and Lainie Kazan. Kazan actually did a good job here. Al Pacino actually crossed into Ron Silver annoyance territory. The worst part? Pacino didn't offer one good catch phrase. That's so wrong.

Gigli's Biggest Failure: Nah it wasn't Martin Brest. Despite the fact that the writing and direction was putrid, it was Ben Affleck. With his fluctuating accent, attempt at coasting on charm, it's clear that Affleck didn't have a sense of who Larry Gigli was. It is also clear that even if he did have a handle on it, Gigli is one boring dude.

The Runner Up: Jennifer Lopez. In retrospect, this wasn't a great time for her artistically. For a little bit, despite her hot looks and charm, she became a bland, ill-defined caricature of herself. She's barely here.

Oddly Fun: Lainie Kazan. Hey, there's no way to make that sound cool...

This movie was: Terrible

Production Budget $54 million
Marketing Costs: $20 million
US Gross: $6,087,542
Overseas Gross: $1,178,667
Pop Culture Idiot Calculator: Not Good
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