Not The Temptations

Hello again. Just came back from yet another meeting. Good news, I just got probation. On the brighter side it seems that the world is beginning to like a blog that takes the time to talk about things like Musterole and talents such as Carl Ballantine. That leads me to a group of seven consumate entertainers who sent me a press kit I happily threw in the garbage. Ladies and gentlemen, these are the Fake Temptations. This is a group that tours under the heading of being "lookalikes" to the talented and much changed group. Lookalikes? Who's fooling who? I see Lillo Thomas, Steadman, Chuck Brown and or one of the Neville Brothers plus two dead ringers for guys who turned latter day Muhammed Ali into a punch clown. But that's just my deal.

Collarless Shirts Are Back!!!

These Shirts Make Even the Poorest Man Feel Like a Millionary Want to live that hip, happening lifestyle one associates with the "party people?" You know what will take you there? You guessed it. A collarless shirt. It wasn't that long ago collarless shirts were actually popular. This was about in the mid '90s. Men across the globe were tired of the struggles, the "what to wear's" and ties. They wanted a simpler look. They wanted no collars.

Thinking about it, the collarless shirt did indeed hit its peak in say, 1995 or so. You can see them on early episodes of Friends. There was also a Friends episode that featured George Clooney and Noah Wyle both wearing the latest CS's. But the run was short-lived. By 1997 a person could barely wear a collarless shirt if they wanted to. There was no safe haven, no understanding and worse? By 1998, no new shirts made.


Collarless Shirts Are Savior Faire! Here's something for the doubters. There is a place called Walking Man.com that indulges the base and self-involved desires of those "men" who want to wear such bufoonery at this point. I like to call these guys, "freedom fighters." Even when there is no need, these folks still "bring it" like it's the "9-4" all over again. I'm sickened because I'm gutless and can no longer wear such ritzy fashions...

Kind of Watching It TV: Talk Shows That Reek

These monstrosities have been haunting me. With their odd looking audiences, corny-ass studio patter, oh I've had enough! And in some cases, I'm not the only one. As David Ruffin shouted, "Waaah!/It's a nightmare!"


The Jane Pauley Show- Seems like the world has lost its yen for talk show hosts with consternation brow and little of no facility at the job at hand. And what a job it was. This program seemed to fall into each and every trap that typifies your talk show junker. First problem? This was lousy. Pauley gave it a go but the ghosts of Leeza Gibbons, Richard Bey and Carnie Wilson all but choked the life out of the whole shebang. By March of 2005, it was wrap on the twitching and the phony grins. Around the time of the mercy killin' a NBC press release stated that the Jane Pauley Show, although way cancelled, was going to continue to be seen until September of '05. Fantastic...

Status: Done, but there are talks to launch a network that plays nothing but these episodes, forever.

Life&Style- Now this is fatuous mess. We've certainly seen this before. With co-hosts, Jules Asner, Cynthia Garrett, Lynne Koplitz and Kimora Lee Simmons were get a ton of yakking and not a whole heck of a lot of content. Let's see, Simmons often isn't there, assumedly recovering from the aches and pains of Russell Simmons climbing on top of her. Garrett is as skilled and bland as ever. Jules Asner is so boring she's nearly opaque. Koplitz is basically the traveling road show of Joy Behar: The Early Years. This might make you appreciate the View or maybe not.

What's Up?: It's done--according to reports. I'll believe it when I don't see it.


The Larry Elder Show- This dude is bru-tal. I'm not a fan of silly shows like this but everytime I do tune in, it seems like he's doing yet another claptrap on interracial dating. If not that he's adding to the cultural decline by doing yet another crappy husband/put-upon wife deal. What if you don't agree with Elder? Oh my. He sits like a petulant child saying a pack of bromides until the audience finally responds. He's a whiny baby.

Status: Although it needs to take a hard right down Ricki Lake Boulevard, the show is set to come back next season.



Dr. Phil- Yeah Dr. Phil. You know Dr. Phil was an interesting presence on the Oprah Winfrey Show. On his own, he's often revolting. From ramming those 600 page of nothing books down our collective throats to acting like a Mr. Know-it-all, "Phil" has become an annoyance. If anything McGraw's priorities do seem a bit askew. One show he's all but advocating using plastic explosives to blast a moocher off the couch. The next one? He's coddling some domestic abuser who's punching his wife black and blue. "You're not an animal..." Dr. Phil might say as the rest of the world screams, "Yes he is--moron?"
This is what I want to hear: "THIS SHOW HAS BEEN CANCELLED AND IS NO LONGER TAPING."

Ahh yeah!!

Pop Culture Idiot Presents A Real Idiot: Jason Elias

The stats are in, the votes are counted. I can offically proclaim myself, an idiot. I'm petty and I don't forgive a ton of stuff. I don't feel too bad about that, but I still feel crappy over these things that, well didn't turn out like I expected--at all...


Ken Rudin Answers The Question of a Fool

That's Ken Rudin from the Washington Post. He was kind enough to answer my query in late 2000 shortly before the presidental election. This is still on the internet nearly five years later. Who knows why, here it is as follows:

Question: Has a presidential candidate ever won both California and New York yet lost the election? – Jason Elias

Answer: "No, and Al Gore should win both states on Tuesday. But that’s the easy part. The problem for us political wags is that there are still a sizable number of states that could go either way, a remarkable situation this late in the game. Yet, as a campaign observer who is paid huge sums to write about this stuff, it’s time to make a stand.

My conclusion is that Gore will win a razor-thin Electoral College majority: 279 to 259. But if Bush can carry any of these states thought to be up for grabs – Florida, Michigan or Pennsylvania – then he’s the next president. It’s that close..."

For real? Well you know the rest and this weird, wacky "glitch" happened again in 2004--still not tickle about it. Damn it!

Can You See This Now Rich Garcia?

I swear I've never gotten over this. It was 1996 and this poignant scene was taken from Game 1 of the ALCS between the Orioles and the Yankees. This was a ninth inning play, the Orioles were leading 4-3, this jerky kid clearly was over the wall. What else? This tied the game and later Bernie Williams hit a homer to put it away for the Yankees. Of course there's a moustache twirling villian in this, its Rich Garcia. Well known as George Steinbrenner ass kiss boy, Garcia didn't rule this as fan interference. Later Garcia said it should have been ruled as fan interference. No shit, Sherlock. Long story short, this caused the Yankees dynasty to start cracking again while this set of Orioles never recovered. Derek Jeter was the dude who hit the fly ball. He got a chance to date Mariah Carey. Baltimore ace Mike Mussina later went to the Yankees. Tony Tarasco later played for the Yankees. The Orioles acquired Albert Belle so he wouldn't go to the Yankees. No! It's too much...

Here's the tragedy in Garcia's own words. Check this out...

There's Rich Garcia In Action. Let's hope he didn't blow this call, hoo hah hah hah...










Q Tip's Amplified is Hot! Hello...Hello?


Here's another snapshot of my foolitude. In 1999 I was gearing up for Q-Tip's "Amplified." This was long before my has-been days, this is the era when my career actually had legs. Anyways, I heard Q-Tip was doing a solo CD and I had to review it. Arista (good people in this regard) all but dropped the CD on top of my house 20 minutes after I called. Anyway, I played it, and loved it--still do. I think I'm the only one.

For some reason, haters of glossy videos, booty, self-involved and horny rappers decided to take Q-Tip to task--of all people. Haven't they ever heard a Tribe Called Quest CD? Apparently legions of jerks turned on the waterworks over the fact that Q-Tip wasn't the neutered "edutainer" they thought he was. Damn shame, I still say it's a great CD. And it remains me of this...



I thought this had a chance to be a big hit, kind of wrong about that one...

A Half Assed Review of Cancelled Shows

I guess it's time to get out the folks on these shows. I was holding out hope that most of these fine programs were going to be renewed. No dice. In fact, I'm sure sets are being demolished as I speak. Ahh well, for some of them, being off the air is the best thing for them....




Eyes This started off promising, ended pretty badly. In fact I don't think I've ever seen a show disingrate so fast. That about wraps it up, too tired to remember this glossy failure...
Note: A.J. Langer was on this. She played Rayanne Graff on My So-Called Life. I watched this steaming heap for Rayanne...




Blind Justice Yep, a blind cop is excatly who you want on your beat, huh? Descriptions, guns and people running were totally over this guy's head, that didn't stop Steven Bochco however. Basicially Eldard's character wasn't too much unlike some of Sipowicz's partners, you know, the Bochco dumb-dumb speak, the world-weariness. The only difference? This guy had something to complain about. Again, a blind cop--a doomed premise, plus this series had some of the unlikable squad room characters, ever. Note: Certainly not earth-shattering news to a lot of folks, but this show also had Rena Sofer as Eldard's character's wife. She's really raking up her McGinley points in regards to failed series and or choking the life out of the ones she's shoehorned into. Damn shame...
Summing Up: He couldn't see a damn thing



Dr. Vegas Not too much of a shock this didn't cut the mustard. For some reason this reminded me of a smarmy early '70s vehicle for Robert Wagner. If not him, maybe Robert Peppard, I mean George. Of course that might have been good, this wasn't. Really this show ended with those endless promos, you know with the "hippocritic" oath line? Hee hee, really funny...
In Short: This Reeked



Joan of Arcadia Oh yeah, cancelling this really helped. According to reports (totally true ones BTW) CBS president Les Moonves stated that, "Talking to ghosts skewers younger than talking to God." Charming. And this is the same jackass who kept his old lady's show on even though its been lousy for years. Joan of Arcadia? Well it wasn't lousy for years, but it seemed that the die was cast by the second season premiere. Of course fans have their own theories on why this did indeed decline, barring a few great episodes. Really the network really had its nose in this and it's probably better off axed.
And: This was Dumped By A Heathen



Medical Investigations "Where do you keep your salt supply?" That's the question Neal McDonough's character asked and for some reason it cracked me up. Despite a good cast, this is one of the few shows where I didn't believe a whole heck of a lot of what I was seeing. Tracing dread diseases in everything from lamp shade factories, plain ol' boom boom and the bones of folks 15,000 years gone, the whole thing just got odd. What's worse? The show didn't know what to do with McDonough, he often played this character like the one he did so well on Boomtown. Or maybe he was just drunk. Who knows...
Download This: One Goofy Search Too Many...

Is You Is Or Is You Ain't Rush Sanders

Genetically Engineered Rush Sanders!!!

Sad news, gang. I was just about to put my John Hancock on yet another hi-class deal when my friend, a noted LA musicman told me the skinny: Rush Sanders has been cloned.

I know it's shocking if not stomach turning, this is how it's shaking out. Back in 1993 on the campus of California University, Rush's son Beverly Hills 90210's Steve was fiddling around at the CU laboratory. Rush came to visit him and fell down in a bunch of "goo" that reportedly was patently unpleasant. Apparently the "goo" was tracked onto quite a healthy patch of grass at the campus and it was inadvertently a great breeding ground for said clone. Thoughout the '90s it remained invisible to those not suspectible or criminally insane. After years of doing it's "stuff" in the shadows, Cloned Rush Sanders finally took on a more human form and infiltrated itself in polite society.

Of course the real Sanders knows about his and has been gamely hunting the evil beast that shares his visage. In turn a camera crew is on hand to mark the potentially unsettling meeting between Rush Sanders and his totally revolting counterpart.

Louie Armstrong says, "You know, I never did care for Rush Sanders...".

Pat O'Brien's Really Boring When He's Sober

See, that's Pat O'Brien in 2004 before that rehab foolishness. He seems so happy, blitzed but happy. I get my news from the Insider. Wouldn't have it any other way. If there's any important news, I want to get it from the kindly man pictured on the left. But something has been distressing me. Pat O' Brian's rehab stint. Oddly enough, I didn't have a problem with his boozing, coking, grabbing on ladies, etc. What I do have a problem with is his recovery. I'm not a fan.


Like many others in the entertainment community, Pat works better when he's gakked to the nines. Although I like to play it off like I'm a simple viewer, I'm not. Pat's a friend of mine. I miss Pat and I miss us sitting on the stoop, playing horse shoes, breakdancing, all that good stuff. When Pat's sober, he gets all pensive and has to read and whatnot. Phooey!

Pat sharing a laugh with Lou Rawls.

Tori! Tori! Tori!

I have to bow down to this one. So brazen, bold, savvy and yet so oddly excuted that there was nothing left to do but run off and cry. Who's this? Why it's Tori Scott from Saved By The Bell. During one season after the "classic" gang was clicking on all 3 and a half cylinders, actresses Tiffani-Amber Thiessen and Elizabeth Berkley decided to bolt leaving the everyone in a heck of a fix. What to do? Although their main audience of pre-teens, teens and horny men; perhaps weren't up for out and out replacements of Jessie and Kelly--they did the next best thing: They morphed them both into one poorly written character.

Tori appeared in a handful of episodes including, "School Song" and the one about a Bayside suicide hotline. Pictured on the left is Tori after her successful plastic surgery to look excatly like Mr. Belding.


Tori Scott was played by Leanna Creel, she's one of set of triplets and she's gotten pretty well known behind the camera. Ha!Take that Amber-Thiessen!

Robert Palmer Deserves So Much Better/Commercials I Hate

Applebee’s – Let's review. Robert Palmer's song, "Simply Irresistible" is in the new ad campaign. Robert Palmer is no longer with us. It hasn’t been too terribly long either. Given that data, why in the world would anyone want to hear this song, now—for this restaurant, of all places? To be truthful, Palmer often had a dicey catalog and this track pretty much maxed out his credibility with a lot of folks. But still. This is also a case of a song not having a heck of a lot to do with the product. It’s simple, barren marketing. Get a song from the Big '80s, jam it into any slot to make cash. Yeah, Applebee's really are simpatico with these lines, huh, "She's so fine, there's no telling where the money went." This is a commercial about ribs. Come on… You know what's hilarious though, Palmer spent decades cultivating a bon vivant air and persona and it all leads here. Totally, totally wrong.



The Crest Karaoke Singers- Oh this is horrendous and hopefully by the time I hit publish, it will be history. I know you've seen this cloying spot. Some chick is doing "karaoke" or something, singing Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway's "The Closer I Get to You." She pulls this joker out of the audience and they start to sing—in the most unctuous manner possible. Of course some might not notice but for Crest's enjoyment, the lyrics were butchered. The line goes, "The closer I get to you/The more you make me see." The ad whiz Einsteins changed it to, "The more you make me smile." Toothpaste, Crest, smile, get it? Who doesn't and it's totally revolting. These morons also sing the line wrong again and with more feeling.



Army/Manhood/I Wanna Be an Engineer/Bullshit- Here's another gem. This is one is a quiet conversation between a mother and son. Well in actuality, in my opinion, the kid has a little too much tone, but I digress. The young man is laying out his plans to his mother. He wants to be an engineer. During his spiel it doesn’t look like he wants a ton of input from mom. This is the most notable line, "And besides, it's time for me to be a man." Again that tone. Really it should be clear to Captain Obvious that the manhood deal happens on its own. Don't need the Army for that one. Of course, the needing money angle is pushed here, no gun toting, barracks and potential of getting shot in the behind. There's also something else not covered. Sgt. Foley. Sgt. Foley heard him trying to crack wise on his mother too, and he’s not happy, at all.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition "Bios"

Ooh wee! Yep, I finally got a job, plain j-o-b. I'm stoked because this time it doesn't involve 8 hours of wasted time or espionage. Look a' here. I was looking in my email box for stuff and I received an invite to "go over" the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition site. My duties were simple; go over and proofread those bios. Done. And guess what? Since a lot of folks are interested in the notes and methods of a "gen-u-ine" writer, I'm going to let you in on the mechanics of true writing. Ready? Goody!


Ty Pennington
....A self-proclaimed "Jack of all Trades, Master of None," Ty can add bestselling author to his vast list of skills. His first book, Ty's Tricks, published by Hyperion in 2003, was a New York Times bestseller. Sadly Ty suffered a setback when Hyperion failed to publish his follow up How To Train Them Hizzos.

Constance Ramos
...Her projects consist of the design of commercial structures, multi-family complexes, regional shopping centers, cinemas, themed retail centers, hotels, resorts and educational institutions. Always thrifty to a fault, Ramos often "surprises" clients by using cork and other soft woods in the place of something firmer and more sensible.


Preston Sharp
Preston, who is single and lives in the Los Angeles area, can often be found playing music or sports on the set of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Preston is also a nasty drunk.




Paige Hemmis
...She became a licensed Emergency Medical Technician and pursued a medical internship in Virginia for a year after graduating with her Theology and Psychology degrees from UCSB. Paige used her tenacity and resourcefulness to learn all aspects of construction, including drywall, cabinetry, electrical and plumbing. Yadda, yadda, yadda, she's hot...


Paul Di Leo
...He also freelanced for the Dance Theatre of Harlem, the Yiddish Theater, Carnegie Hall and numerous off-Broadway and Broadway houses. From helping moronic kids to killing drifters, Di Leo has done it all...



Michael Moloney
Moloney's eclectic, fresh approach to decorating took off and, a few years later, Michael opened Maison Luxe in Manhattan Beach, California, taking the original look to the next level, with all things luxurious from France and Italy, where he travels several times a year. Despite his florid persona, cross him, he'll totally smash your teeth down your throat.

Tracy Hutson
...Tracy has appeared in numerous national television commercials and sitcoms, as well as in leading roles in two theatre productions. Despite a passing resemblance to the View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck, she's totally isn't a bitch.



Ed Sanders
...In early 2004, Ed made the move from the U.K. to Los Angeles to further pursue his acting career. Whenever Ed appears in the show's credits, millions of viewers click off and watch Cold Case.




Edward Zol
Zol starred in several worldwide-syndicated telenovelas (soap operas), including "La Jaula de Oro" "Sentimientos Ajenos," and "Los Boringos Handymanos."

Note: Here are the "real" bios, I like mine better.

I'm Not Underemployed, I'm Unemployed!

Tell me that pic's not guffaw worthy. I shamefully stole it from the good folks at corporatemofo.com. That about sums it up I'm afraid, empty change purse and all. Change purse, that's not a word you hear everyday. Change purses were all the rage and then they just disappeared. Well anyway, you know how a song might remind you of love. I don't. The below songs are what I'm relating to...



"...You'll see me standing in front of a bus stop booth
with a sign that reads will work for food
and later I'll take my place around the trash barrel fire
where's the pot of gold for a street man named desire...."




Oh my goodness, what optimism. That snippet comes from the group the Pirates of Mississippi and is from their 1992 hit, "Street Man Named Desire." It's so rare to come across self-pity so pronounced you can smell it. It's always rare I can pronounce a song, "spot-on." Of course I can't agree with everything here. My name's not Desire, I'm not a "street man." The "will work for food" part? I'm on it...


"...Well, I ain't Goldfinger and I ain't Joe Fashion
And you can't buy much with the checks I'm cashin'.
So, people, if you wonder why I'm a-ridin' with a smile
It's 'cause my little Baby loves me Cadillac Style..."




Hoo hah hah, that's funny. That comes from Sammy Kershaw's 1991 hit, "Cadillac Style." It's clear that Sam isn't as far down as me or the Foggy Mountain Boys. I have no idea why I'm referencing country music lyrics, perhaps it's a cry for help. Back to the song, I love it. I'm particularly taken with, "...And you can't buy much with the checks I'm cashin'." You said a mouthful. Whenever I hear the song I think of someone cashing one of those empty ass checks, buying groceries and not having enough to get nothing. Being in my "business" newspapers, magazines, etc aren't adverse to mailing you something close to nothing. In the song, certainly the protagonist doesn't have a whole heck of a lot, but given the automotive as sex references, he's not complaining too much. Here's another...

"...Well, I ain't Burt Reynolds and I ain't Tom Selleck;
I got bills up the pike and my car's an old relic..."

Bills up the pike? Old relic? Can't decide what's more hilarious...

Who Remembers Crazy Cow? He Was Crazy!

You know time’s whipping by when useless gunk takes on a nostalgic tone. The internet is filled with lists and lists of canceled and or hard-to-find food items. The cynic in me wonders? Was that stuff really good? I don't know about a lot of products, but these? They were great, well except for one...


Crazy Cow- This was a General Mills thing. It was delicious. Basically Crazy Cow was quite tasty corn based pellets with a chocolate flavor. The best chocolate imaginable. Straddling the line between a cheap, “choco” taste and one that was—well, great, this was essential eating. The cereal claimed it would make chocolate milk and darned if it didn’t. Crazy Cow also came in a strawberry flavor. Plans for a reunion were sadly curtailed when Chocolate Crazy Cow and Strawberry Crazy Cow finally met one another and didn't excatly hit it off...

Almost Home Cookies- Well, if “Home” is a place where shitty cookies are made. This was a great idea and so simple, make store bought cookies, softer. Well at least softer than molar shattering ginger snaps. Nabisco offered lots of buildup, tons of be-bopping and scatting; the end result? Almost Home was one of the oddest textured cookies ever. This product seemed to lose its money making footing by the time Billy Joel released "Stormfront" and a ton of us are happy with that fact. And in a related story, Keebler’s Soft Batch cookies are still on the market. Some things never change—they still taste horrendous.

Pepperidge Farm- Brownie Nut- I think that’s what they were called, I used to go in a trance at the very thought of them. The original recipe made for a mouth watering cookie. Although I was about 9 or 10 around their peak, even I could appreciate what a good-looking and satisfying cookie they were. All I remember is, smooth, with nuts—and great. By the mid ‘80s the recipe changed, the real taste was gone and a Brownie Nut package all but promised 4 in tact cookies in a bag of crumbs.

Sealtest Ice Cream Sandwich-Oh yeah, I’m thrilling my audience now, no wonder my mailbox is jammed, I only talk about the good stuff. This was another reliable product. We all know that ice cream sandwiches are one of the most hit or miss entities in the desert aisle. In fact, I can think of a horrible ice cream sandwich taste right now. It’s not pretty. Sealtest certainly bucked the square of goo/sugary cardboard trend. With ice cream that was rich and wafers that were often like tougher than balsa wood (not a bad thing.) At one time ice cream sandwiches were a staple of any “whatever” experience. Oddly enough they played out faster than the twist. Must be all of the different brands, flavors and products that pushed ice cream sandwiches to the "remember when’s." Darn shame…

Mayfair Cookies- Indulge me this last one, it’s a goody. Of course Mayfair was kind of cookie under the Nabisco banner. And were they ever good. This was an assortment deal from Nabisco, and a top-notch one at that. The presentation? Great. The Oreo type cookies were especially good. My favorite was probably this chocolate cookie that had white cream filling. Keystrokes don’t do any of these mamma jammas justice. But alas, Mayfair didn’t make it past the ‘80s. Damnit, I'll never forget or forgive!

The Coffee Achievers

David Bowie, thinking about all of the kids he hooked on caffeine. 



Look at that smug bastard. It's beyond me how he lives with himself after what he did in the early '80s. A Coffee Achiever? My Aunt Fanny. But than was the spin in the '80s and at one point in time, this inanity was actually a good idea. Kind of like Reaganomics, huh?


The people who were desperately trying to wake up by all but inhaling Nescafe called themselves "The Coffee Achievers." These people were often high-fluent folks, masters in their chosen fields. This commercial used to appear mostly on Saturday mornings, the perfect time to hit its target audience: Impressionable children. Of course, it’s mostly a blur but I do remember last gasp ELO's "Hold on Tight to Your Dreams" being the theme song. Serious Moonlight era David Bowie also made an appearance. With his The only question left is why? We all know the potentially damaging effects of coffee; this is why kids don’t drink coffee in school cafeterias. They’d be bouncing off the walls. Apparently in the '80s, we didn't think of that. And talk about a gateway drug. If a child likes the "buzz" of coffee, no doubt they moved to the hard stuff: Crack/ i.e.,e.g.# aka: Cocaine!

This is the "dealio" according to one by Michael Nickels, M.D., Ph.D. Tell me that's not a veritable brain tease for those dyslexic. Looks like Dr. Ron Mickles, Rickles to me. Ahh well that's my deal. Here's his take...


...Caffeine is a central nervous system stimulant that in moderate doses reduces drowsiness, increases concentration, improves mood and shortens reaction time. Tolerance will develop with consistent use, requiring larger doses to get the same stimulant effect. If their daily intake is suddenly curtailed, moderate to heavy users (more than 3 – 4 cups a day) will often develop withdrawal symptoms—headache, irritability or increased fatigue. In large amounts, caffeine may cause anxiety, nervousness, irritability, restlessness, headaches, tremors, nausea, and ringing in the ears...

Fantasic. Wait there's more...

It is possible to die from an oral caffeine overdose; however, it would require from 50 to 200 cups of coffee or approximately 50 Vivarin (200mg) caffeine tablets to do so...

Oops-a-daisy, that sound' bad. Yet not enough to deter me. 50 to 200 cups? Got it covered...

The Montreal Expos and Lyon's Den: Class Acts

Although some were secretly hoping this blog would end, you know--disappear into a mess of non updated pages and dead links, think again. I'll be the first to admit I wasn't riding high, but these two entities turned me back around. They totally gave me my second wind, and I'm so very thankful.


The Montreal Expos- A great bunch of guys all around Some doubters have told me that they're no way they'd might it into the World Series this year. I think they're all wrong. In fact I think we're ready to see a true baseball comeback that will have the Expos be the world series champs of '06. Can you stand it?! Keep this under your hat, please: Quite a few of the "star" players and coaches have left messages wishing me and my blog well. That's just Jake. Go Expos!

Lyon's Den- Great folks. Thanks to the Has Been/Never Was Writer's Association, I got my wish granted. My wish? To go see a taping of Lyon's Den. I was not let down. Lyon's Den is serious, hard-hitting stuff plus that spark of wit we've come to expect from Quinn Martin. Rob Lowe, the name rhymes with goodness. The show is totally cancelled, but those brave kids are still making episodes as we speak. That's dediction with a capital F. I've got to give a special shout out to my Lyon's Den crew, "I'll holla!"

The Tony Danza Show...Vetrini fired!

We all remember pivotal days. This is not one of them. I was innocently surfing the net for porn and this "bad" news popped up. It appeared that Ereka Vetrini has been relieved of her services on the Tony Danza Show.

Vetrini seems ok with it and said she saw the "writing on the wall." It was more like skywriting to some. Her role seemed to be more and more diminished. Vetrini always retained her role as hostess in Danza's embodiment of shame, "Extravadanza." Daily we saw her fake smile, weak disc tossing and so-so banter with a host who was never one of Hollywood's "great thinkers." What was really odious? The way Tony called Ereka, Vetrini. Cute...

With the on-set banter relagated to the Plinko, er, Extravadanza board, Vetrini had begun to introduce taped portions of her and the show's half-assed "slice of life" exploits. It was during this when we saw Danza, DeVito, Vetrini all take a sharp turn towards the totally lame. Vetrini not only could barely read her intros, on the street and in the salons for the scene of the "crimes" she had all of the warmth of a misanthrope.

To add more fuel to the laugh machine, it appears host Tony Danza isn't too pleased with the news. This doesn't seem to be a case of one "boss" pulling the crocodile tears card all the while high-fiving the jackass who dropped the bomb. Tony's upset and when Tony Danza has entertainment concerns, I have entertainment concerns. Seems like the Tonster doesn't have hand in his own show. He couldn't stop the pink slip train that claimed Ereka and a few producers and whatnot. Tony did try to use that trademark Banta-like charm to stop the insaniety. He indeed try to save Ereka and emotionally cried at to a Buena Vista mucky-muck. Tony cried, "Vetrini, I need Vetrini." To that, the Buena Vista representive reportedly stated, "What you crying about, you next." Tony then angrily slammed the phone down (a rotary one from 1912) and he began to sing a few bars from a stomach turner from the days of yore and woke up 10 hours later in a puddles of his own "sick."



And not to nitpick, certainly my blog isn't exactly Bill Gates approved--but good lord, that Tony Danza site is hella cornyas the might kids say...

The Cosby Poundcake Mysteries

Certainly this seems like a rerun, or an entry tucked away in the archives, it’s not. Here I was innocently searching the internet for info on Cosby’s 1971 groaner, “Bill Cosby Talks to the Kids about Drugs” and this popped up. Cosby, on his Fuss Budget Tour made a stop at Constitution Hall in D.C. last spring and made an ass of himself, one more ‘gin. After ripping black folks a new one about their elocution, sneakers and their lazy parenting skills, he dropped this gem about the law and order in the streets ruled by old-timey confections and sodey pop.

"...These not political criminals," Cosby said. "These are people going around stealing Coca-Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake and then we run out and we are outraged, [saying] 'The cops shouldn't have shot him.' What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand?"


Please pardon Bill, he’s a veteran of the Hostess Wars. And really who in the world is getting shot in the back of the head over pound cake. Not only that, a piece of pound cake? What are kids wielding knifes in stores now, cutting a slice of cake and then gunning it? Then again I did remember seeing something on America’s Most Wanted about the feared and lethal, “88 Street Pound Cake Gang” one guy has a tattoo, some of the “o.g.’s” have moved on Snickers bars and the occasional can of Mister Salty…