Saturday, July 16, 2005

Robert Palmer Deserves So Much Better/Commercials I Hate

Applebee’s – Let's review. Robert Palmer's song, "Simply Irresistible" is in the new ad campaign. Robert Palmer is no longer with us. It hasn’t been too terribly long either. Given that data, why in the world would anyone want to hear this song, now—for this restaurant, of all places? To be truthful, Palmer often had a dicey catalog and this track pretty much maxed out his credibility with a lot of folks. But still. This is also a case of a song not having a heck of a lot to do with the product. It’s simple, barren marketing. Get a song from the Big '80s, jam it into any slot to make cash. Yeah, Applebee's really are simpatico with these lines, huh, "She's so fine, there's no telling where the money went." This is a commercial about ribs. Come on… You know what's hilarious though, Palmer spent decades cultivating a bon vivant air and persona and it all leads here. Totally, totally wrong.

The Crest Karaoke Singers- Oh this is horrendous and hopefully by the time I hit publish, it will be history. I know you've seen this cloying spot. Some chick is doing "karaoke" or something, singing Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway's "The Closer I Get to You." She pulls this joker out of the audience and they start to sing—in the most unctuous manner possible. Of course some might not notice but for Crest's enjoyment, the lyrics were butchered. The line goes, "The closer I get to you/The more you make me see." The ad whiz Einsteins changed it to, "The more you make me smile." Toothpaste, Crest, smile, get it? Who doesn't and it's totally revolting. These morons also sing the line wrong again and with more feeling.

Army/Manhood/I Wanna Be an Engineer/Bullshit- Here's another gem. This is one is a quiet conversation between a mother and son. Well in actuality, in my opinion, the kid has a little too much tone, but I digress. The young man is laying out his plans to his mother. He wants to be an engineer. During his spiel it doesn’t look like he wants a ton of input from mom. This is the most notable line, "And besides, it's time for me to be a man." Again that tone. Really it should be clear to Captain Obvious that the manhood deal happens on its own. Don't need the Army for that one. Of course, the needing money angle is pushed here, no gun toting, barracks and potential of getting shot in the behind. There's also something else not covered. Sgt. Foley. Sgt. Foley heard him trying to crack wise on his mother too, and he’s not happy, at all.
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