Friday, July 15, 2005

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition "Bios"

Ooh wee! Yep, I finally got a job, plain j-o-b. I'm stoked because this time it doesn't involve 8 hours of wasted time or espionage. Look a' here. I was looking in my email box for stuff and I received an invite to "go over" the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition site. My duties were simple; go over and proofread those bios. Done. And guess what? Since a lot of folks are interested in the notes and methods of a "gen-u-ine" writer, I'm going to let you in on the mechanics of true writing. Ready? Goody!

Ty Pennington
....A self-proclaimed "Jack of all Trades, Master of None," Ty can add bestselling author to his vast list of skills. His first book, Ty's Tricks, published by Hyperion in 2003, was a New York Times bestseller. Sadly Ty suffered a setback when Hyperion failed to publish his follow up How To Train Them Hizzos.

Constance Ramos
...Her projects consist of the design of commercial structures, multi-family complexes, regional shopping centers, cinemas, themed retail centers, hotels, resorts and educational institutions. Always thrifty to a fault, Ramos often "surprises" clients by using cork and other soft woods in the place of something firmer and more sensible.

Preston Sharp
Preston, who is single and lives in the Los Angeles area, can often be found playing music or sports on the set of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Preston is also a nasty drunk.

Paige Hemmis
...She became a licensed Emergency Medical Technician and pursued a medical internship in Virginia for a year after graduating with her Theology and Psychology degrees from UCSB. Paige used her tenacity and resourcefulness to learn all aspects of construction, including drywall, cabinetry, electrical and plumbing. Yadda, yadda, yadda, she's hot...

Paul Di Leo
...He also freelanced for the Dance Theatre of Harlem, the Yiddish Theater, Carnegie Hall and numerous off-Broadway and Broadway houses. From helping moronic kids to killing drifters, Di Leo has done it all...

Michael Moloney
Moloney's eclectic, fresh approach to decorating took off and, a few years later, Michael opened Maison Luxe in Manhattan Beach, California, taking the original look to the next level, with all things luxurious from France and Italy, where he travels several times a year. Despite his florid persona, cross him, he'll totally smash your teeth down your throat.

Tracy Hutson
...Tracy has appeared in numerous national television commercials and sitcoms, as well as in leading roles in two theatre productions. Despite a passing resemblance to the View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck, she's totally isn't a bitch.

Ed Sanders
...In early 2004, Ed made the move from the U.K. to Los Angeles to further pursue his acting career. Whenever Ed appears in the show's credits, millions of viewers click off and watch Cold Case.

Edward Zol
Zol starred in several worldwide-syndicated telenovelas (soap operas), including "La Jaula de Oro" "Sentimientos Ajenos," and "Los Boringos Handymanos."

Note: Here are the "real" bios, I like mine better.
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