Rosie O' Donnell Named Co-Host of the View, What?

A nightmare...



Tell me this is a dream. On the evening of April 28th, Access Hollywood had a story that stated the unthinkable. What was it? They said that Rosie O' Donnell was named as the new co-host for the View. O' Donnell is set to replace the exiting Meredith Vieira. We just don't deserve this.

The Upside: O' Donnell is certainly well-known, an Emmy winner. She will bring name recognition and possibly a lot of fans to the show.

The Downside Unfiltered: Are they crazy? Don't they have enough noise on the View? That show is an insane asylum. In the past few years O' Donnell's become a bit odd. Her appearances are sporadic and a tad off-kilter. She's replacing the sane one in the group, yeah, great idea. Talk about almost begging people to watch Judge Alex...

A No-Win Situation: I can't see how O' Donnell is going to help Star Jones stay any longer. Even if one leaves, one probably stays--and if they both stay...Ahh forget it, I'm about to hurl...

Commercial Annoyances

Dear Diary, here's a few of the commercials I don't like. I hope no one reads this, then people will see what a petty little man I am.


Signed

Jason

Carol Brady and Her Polident BS: Oh enough already. Just when I thought I shook her off like a bad dream, Florence Henderson has seemed to double back and become ubitiquous again. Haven't we suffered enough? I remember those ghastly commercials for Wesson and I'll admit, Florence did have Wessonality. Now, I just don't care.

Problem With Denture Commercials: The latest one I saw was Florence dancing with these guys for Polident PM or something. We're grown ups, we can cut the chit-chat, you're doing a commercial for fake choppers--you really can't/shouldn't gussy that up.


Midas Sell-Outs Fred and Barney: Isn't that delightful. You know, I don't know who has it worse with this one, Fred and Barney, Midas or us. What a shameful and idiotic commercial. I can't explain how sad it is to see my childhood heroes selling brakes. This spot deserves a special wake up call. Fred and Barney don't need brakes, their cars don't have any bottoms, plus they are pre-historic, the only time you'd see them is centuries before we existed and they don't exist. I gave myself a headache...


Subway: I'm on the fence about this. I find Jon Lovitz's Subway commercials irritatating. Other times? I want to pick up the TV and just chuck it. Wow, I guess I'm not on the fence. For some reason the ad campaign isn't working for me. Maybe it's because the Lovitz character here bares a resemblance to his Master Thespian role on SNL. Frankly it seems a waste for a franchise that can't even cough up good cheese.

Grin And Bare It: The Subway site offers clips from Lovitz's commercials. Goody. You know what's missing in all of them? The subminal need to eat. In its place? The pressing need to hurl.

Left Behind: You know it was a sad day for Jared Fogle fans when Subway put him on the backburner. Maybe he got an email saying to "cool it for a sec" or "You wanted to take a break didn't you? Well you got one, a long one." I certainly hope we see Jared again and if we don't, that's okay too...

Kind of Watching It: Videos From the '80s I Can Stand

My attention span isn't getting better so I've moved on to videos. What was I talking about? See?

Whodini-Rock You (Again and Again)Oh my goodness, they need some help. At this point you've got to ask who ordered this trainwreck. But first things first, I don't
remember this--at all. This is of course Whodini. "Rock You Again" was released in 1987 after the guy's careers had cooled down a bit. This didn't help.

Observations: As much as I'm impressed with Ecstasy's clothing, it's just a reminder than I was always too geeky for such finery. The rockers look like a tough lot. I keep expecting to see The Equalizer come haul them all away.





Sadly I actually like this song. The video? It's ridiculous. "Say It Again" was released in 1985. Santana also appeared on SNL during its 1984-85 season. Carlos Santana is very high here. See, that's why I included this. Forget that Shaman busineess, this is how I like Carlos Santana the best:Loaded.

Interesting Facts: Greg Walker is the lead singer here. Armando Perza is the dude dancing around. I feel every video is enchanced by pointless dancing scenes.

Tech Issues: Don't let the video/picture issues inherent at YouTube take away from getting to see this classic once again.

El DeBarge-"Who's Johnny" DeBarge is one of my favorite singers. I can't stand this song. There's only one good thing about this video, Ally Sheedy. Sheedy is really cute here and that makes this worth watching. I also like the clips from "Short Circuit" they're nice. Let's watch this together!

El, What Happened: Got to say, El's looking a bit silly here. Given his work before and after this, it's safe to say he was never this corny again.

The Best News Ever: The then ubiquitous Steve Guttenberg gave us all a break here didn't show up. A placard was used in his place and it was the best acting I've ever seen from him...

Nick Lachey: Not Happy

Oh hi. Seems like Nick Lachey is being a gloomy gus. In Rolling Stone he's telling tales on his ex-wife Jessica Simpson. If you're like me, you don't want to wade through a long article, a summarization will do just fine.


The Problem: Nick's crying a lot in this article. I counted six or seven times. The reason is the breakup of his marriage. He felt that the MTV show Newlyweds intruded in their personal life and made Simpson and Lachey play exaggerated roles of their "characters" on and off screen.

If I Was Nick, I'd Be Crying Too. This time it's personal. Lachey stated that he was informed that his marriage was over. In short, Jessica gave him the cold shoulder, emotionally shut down and left Nick looking like a weenie.








Papa Joe Is The Devil I've been warning folks about Papa Joe via this blog for quite sometime. In the article Nick gives of 411 on Simpson's Evil Ways. Now here's a shocker, Papa Joe never did like Lachey and had his big nose in their business--and it sabotaged the relationship.

Wailing Away At Joe: You know he all but put a ladder to the side of the house to spy on Nick and Jessica's intimate doings. He looks like the type. There's a name for people like Joe, they're called a scuzzbucket.





Adam Levine's a Liar!: In this article Nick all but confirms that B-list "stud" Adam Levine (the squeaky voiced dude from Maroon 5) did get indeed get close with Simpson. Levine obliterated the Guy Code and said that he didn't "see" Jessica while they were married. Isn't that reassuring.

Recap: Adam Levine gets a lot of action despite his creepy looks.



Caught! This pic surfaced earlier this year. This is Jessica stumbling to a waiting car after a "night" with Adam Levine. Ooh! I'm tellin'! I don't feel good about connecting these dots but it's kinda fun.








It's all David Lee Roth's fault.

Persnickety Stuff: Still Pissed

You'd think that I would "lighten up" as the kids say. Nothing doing. It seems the older I get, the more incensed I become. Oh well...



I'm tired of this picture! Since I had the bright idea to use Musicmatch and the brighter idea to keep Musicmatch 7.2, I get treated with this dreary pic almost daily. What the heck do I want to listen to Eminem for let alone look at him.






Solution: Destroy computer. I bet you I wouldn't see that pic then...


It's Patrick Duffy, Patrick Duffy. You know, I'm not the brightest man around, but I know who this is. To hear it from the folks at Entertainment Tonight, his name is Bobby Ewing. They were saying stuff like, "See what Bobby Ewing's been up to." Bobby Ewing hasn't been up to a doggone thing--he's a fictional character. Patrick Duffy commands and deserves all of our respect. Respect!

More Stuff: Bobby Patrick Ewing is a fan of this blog and he's doing fine.

Too much Myspace BS- I remember when I first logged on, the choices for personal pages were few. In fact it was at this time GeoCities was the main option and you needed a hard hat and a jackhammer to get a page started there. Flash up 8 or so years and now it's too easy.



MySpace has become "the place" for those inclined to do silly things like dating and socializing. Some of those pages are way too ornate. Some of them can't be seen without x-Ray vision. Wow, that's hot (groan). Regardless of the artwork, it's pretty much the same ol' stuff, tons of meaningless yak yak, and dreams of meeting Vin Diesel. Vistors are also treated to profundities like, "Dance Like No One's Watching." Isn't that endearing? No, it's not. In fact if a woman even thinks that, that's a total deal breaker. "Dance Like No One's Watching.." Ahh who cares...

What I'm Trying To Say: I Can't Get Lucky on MySpace

It's a Dummy: The Fake Kenny Rogers Story



Lord, like we don't have enough things to worry about, now we've got to look at Botched Kenny Rogers every ten minutes. Here's the real deal. By the mid '80s Rogers's career slowed down after a misguided label switch. In recent years, he's been out of the limelight. He's offered us, chicken, a clothing line and told us about the evils of his phone sex addiction. I don't know about anyone else but I haven't heard Kenny Rogers in a while. All I've seen is interviews and pictures of him looking like he's lost his damn mind.

Solution: This thing is clearly a tool sent to us my aliens ready to infiltrate our great nation. I'll have to go to space to rescue the real Kenny Rogers from being prodded and fiddled with for the sake of "science."


"Squeak!" Which one's more horrifying. Bwah hah hah..."

ER: It's Still On?

Some people still watch this, some don't. We all can agree on one thing, ER has jumped the shark at least 32.5 times. Although "shark jumping" is often a show compromising endeavor, we see that ER has actually gained strength from it. So much so it's quite possible ER will still be on in 3010 with some mutant fusion of John Leguizamo and Paul McCrane 3.0 being the show's "anchor." Here's a brief look at show of the plot contrivances and wrong turns that would have hobbled a lesser show--or a better one...


Beep, Beep--who is it? Gant? Gant?!- This was a particularly gripping and manipulative plot turn. Omar Epps played supposedly hapless intern Dennis Gant. He was friends with Carter and Dr. Benton rode him like a pony. Long story short, as Carter ignored his friend to get lucky--and Gant's girlfriend dumped him; Gant had a date with a train. And ended up in the ER. They didn't know who the victim was--until Gant's pager went off. It was him. That still creeps me out.

The Good News: Omar Epps is on "House" not "ER." Upgrade...

Carter's in Africa, Part 15...How many times are they going to tell this story. It's not interesting. Frankly, none of John Carter's stories are interesting that's why I like him better gone. During recent seasons however when the show was actually getting good again, they diminish the momentum to "check in" on Carter in Africa. Thrilling. This stuff's so brutal, it made Thandie Newton seem boring.

We Get It: The Carter in the Congo episodes are pretty much like those "Barbarino Is An Orderly" deal. Noah Wyle's recent ER episodes smack of "contractual obligation." I know the case a little and I've got a plastic gavel. "Smack!" Noah Wyle, you don't have to do anymore shows. ER's rickety enough without these adventures...


What's Up, "Doc?": ER's credibility took a big hit when they cast Mare Winningham as "Doctor Amanda Lee." The problem? She wasn't the real Dr. Lee and was a psycho who never even cracked open a medical book. The worst thing? She became obsessed with Mark Greene. That's crazy talk!



'Rocket' Romano Never Stood A Chance This character played by Paul McCrane was a prick from the word go. A misogynist, a racist, and a jackass, Romano was ER veritable depot of bad vibes. And boy was he ever punished. On top of the hospital waiting for a donor's something or other, ol' Rocket lost his arm via a helicopter blade. His surgeon days were over, his reattached arm caught fire. He later got a prosthesis that was taken for punishment. No matter. While giving Scott Grimes the business about grabbing a smoke, another helicopter visited. And dropped on top of him. Oops, blooper...




Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Dynamite, the most exciting character, ever.... He's pretty much the Forrest Gump of shark jumping. Directly or indirectly responsible, Dr. Peter Benton let off sparks as a lightening rod for inane plot twists. And wasn't Benton a joyless and tiresome character. His face was pretty much frozen on pissed. Tell you what, I didn't shed a tear when he left. I only wished he took Carter with him.

"Editor's" Note: Look what I found on the up-to-the-minute ER bios on the NBC site. I've got this one. It's Sherry Stringfield, she's gone--again....

Meredith Vieira Leaves The View: An Idiot Rejoices

She did it. She's gone. I'm devastated if devastated means deliriously happy. With little fanfare Meredith Vieira announced on "the View" that she was leaving to host the "Today" show. Dreams do come true! Of course, there's got to be a lot of fallout with this move and this is how her friends took the news.





Barbara Walters: She seemed full of contrition. I bet she knows that if the show hadn't taken a steep decline, Vieira might not have entertained the idea. Walters knows it's back to the drawing board for a "sane" one. But then again regardless what normal host is signed on, they've got Star Jones and Elisabeth Hasselbeck's inanity to contend with. Good luck.

An Unwanted Flashback: Due to Couric's move, we were treated to a clip of Barbara Walters with the convivial Harry Reasoner. Sadly it looks like Barbara still holds a grudge. Harry's gone, Barbara--let it go.



Joy Behar: After Meredith's news sunk in, Behar didn't have time for many yuk-yuks or stinging observations. She knows it's pretty much going to be Crazy Town without Vieira. The only solution? She could quit too.





Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Inappropriate and dull as ever. Vieira's absence will only magnify the fact that the show still hasn't addressed the real problem (pictured on the left.) Her reaction was high-school-ish and weepy. Frankly Hasselbeck didn't log the same miles with Meredith as Star and Joy did, so she should had a nice cup of shut the heck up and let the vets get their cry on. No such luck, she had to stick her big nose in this too.


Star Jones: She was a bit unsteady during the aftermath of Todaygate. She rambled something about her and Meredith being so close they'd finish each others sentences. Ain't that quaint. Here's something? If you're such bosom buddies why don't you hit the exits too. The View could start off fresh, get cancelled and ABC would be back to running reruns of "Happy Days" like it used to.



That's Bill Geddie not "Getty" is it was spelled on the pic lifted from the ABC site. Some people...You know he gulped a gallon of air and damn near sharted when Meredith delivered that body blow. To be honest, Meredith has been looking way bored on there for six years. You know, Geddie/"Getty" could possibly close up shop and just run clips of "Today." That's not going to happen. There will be a new co-host and bet she'll be awful.


Ahh just look at them, they just couldn't wait!

David Hasselhoff: Pop Culture Achiever Honor: Revoked!

Oh hi, good news, my sentence was suspended. In my time tied up in the court systems, I had to prevent David Hasselhoff from being my Pop Culture Idiot: Achiever of the Minute. I'm crying as I write this. I've never had to rescind my honor and I apologize.


See, it seems like Snapper 2/Michael Knight has lost his mind. Hasselhoff and his wife are clearly having martial problems. The details and allegations are too sad and odd to repeat but it's safe to say, Dave is accused of striking, yelling, insulting and being a general ass. To be honest, many us of new that David Hasselhoff was a jerk but know he's taken it to historic proportions. The good news? Me and my investigative team have determined exactly what caused Hasselhoff to really lose his mind. Below is Exhibit X457203.606


The Warning Sign:It seems that covering that AM Gold chestnut "Hooked on a Feeling" seemed so shake something loose in Mitch Buchanan's sanity. As the video clearly shows, we are dealing with a man who is "not all there." Ever the perfectionist however, we also see that David offers us the best in entertainment with those "state-of-the-art" production values. But really? Don't even be entertained. David Hasselhoff is a horrible man.

Diary Entry: David Hasselhoff's Pop Culture Idiot honor has been, revoked!!!