Pop Culture Idiot: Crime N' Punishment

Oh hi. You know when someone says they're going to "kneecap" you, it totally means your kneecaps. In any event, I've had to come up with some draconian measures for a few of these folks. I know they'll see it my way--and to all of them, you're welcome!

Philip-Michael Thomas was the epitome of cool when he played Ricardo Tubbs on Miami Vice. Flash up to big time waster, Trivial Pursuit's "Totally '80s" and he's dressed like me. Hopefully this was a new "character" Rico was testing out, you know, Geekazoid. While I bet he's a whiz at all things pop culture, I don't see Thomas liking this game--or having the tolerance for it.





Charges: Bad clothes, mugging, that hat...

Punishment: Not yet determined at press time. I'm sure it will be pretty bad though...







Harold Ford Sr: An Awful, Awful, Oddly Hilarious Clip

Bad, bad dad... Be forewarned, Harold Ford Sr. uses an epithet, doggone it. This clip? Totally inappropriate and all kinds of funny.

Leave It To Fox: They actually played this "mishap" twice in the story. It's Harold Ford Sr: The Remix!

Crime: Blowing his cool in front of cameras.

Punishment: Harold Ford Sr has to wash his mouth out, with soap!




Danny Bonaduce: Still Flirtin' With Disaster. You'd think that common sense would assert itself and Bonaduce would "calm his ass down." Nothing doing. That's a recent pic of him at some party. He looks like he's out of it.

Crime: Covering the same ol' ground and steroiding and weight lifting his body to the point where he looks like a knock-off GI Joe.
And really, why did he have to get an eye job?

Punishment: More TV shows!

Commercial Annoyances Part 23 and a Half

My tolerance for all things corny is getting worse. Here's a few commercials that are driving me crazy...



Look it's the Advair Man. This commercial makes my blood boil. The set-up is simple. Some joker has asthma and can't play, until he takes Advair. I've got a question? So what? It's not like he's Dizzy Gillespie so we're not missing out on some good music. To prove the power of Advair, he goes to the attic, retrieves his bugle and starts caterwauling up a storm.

Solution: Get a sledgehammer and take care of his "axe."






I don't believe Sally Field has osteoporosis, she looks like she's about the same height as she always was. If you ask me? I think she's gotten a bit taller. I don't know, the whole thing seems odd. Perhaps it was that first commercial spot where a "friend" told her about Boniva. What followed was one of the worst approximation of normal chatter I've ever heard. The second commercial is much better. Got to say, I've always enjoyed Sally Field in everything she's done...






See, I'm using this pic for my blog and nothing else...












Although I'm not a Lincolnophile, I do think he deserves better than this Rozerem ad. Needless to say, I find this whole ad campaign creepy--I hate people and things out of context.

A Honest Question: Who in the heck is dreaming about Abraham Lincoln, I know I don't. Me? It's pretty much me during the last day of school, trying to get to class and finally arriving at 3:45. I don't need a sleep aid to catch up with that.







This is sad news. Diddy has seemed to join forces with "The BK" Burger King for a nauseating and ingratiating ad campaign. So far, it's been restricted to Diddy's ridiculous and gaudy MySpace page and of course a video that found it's way to YouTube. This is a still from a video where Diddy says he's going to "Order me a Whopper." Order me a Whopper? He knows better than that...



Diddy better hurry up, me and Floyd want to order us a Whopper too...

Goodbye Ford Taurus and Good Riddance

I got some sad news, Ford is going to stop producing the Taurus. There's only one thing to say to that: What took em' so long? I've had a ton of bad experiences with this vehicle so don't expect me to get out the crying towel over this. There's only one thing to say: Buenos Noches!





It was in a Ford Taurus where Mel Gibson embarked on his career-threatening night of debauchery. In fact, Mel called me from it and said, "Jason, I'm going to cut loose and drink again--and I'm in my Taurus!" Sadly I couldn't catch up with Mel and we all know what happened next...





Little Richard is a big fan of the Ford Taurus. You know what else he likes? Kidnapping people. I was hitchhiking and saw Little Richard, he waved, stopped--and that's all I remember. Our friendship has never been the same after that...









Now this one's a toughie. I saw my friend Keith Urban driving his Taurus "all crazy." He saw me, put on brakes and said, "Jason, I need dope!" I was sickened, the Taurus is a family car and it wasn't meant for Keith Urban to get his kicks. I called an intervention and hopefully things are back to normal.



An Update: Things aren't back to normal. There's a pic of Keith all zoned out and chasing after me...

Sanford and Son: Episode Reviews

I caught a few Sanford and Son episodes during TV Land's 1202 Hour Marathon. I've got to say all of those prime 1972-75 episodes were still hilarious. Of course the show's run was interrupted by Redd Foxx not appearing in the final six episodes of the 74-75 season. Foxx did reappear in the fourth season yet 3 more Foxx-less ep's appeared throughout the season. In short, Foxx's absence ruined the show's momentum and then some. Since the whole world's waiting, here's a review of some of the later shows...

The Hawaii Connection- (1976) If there was anyone proof this show was done, here's the talking point. This was originally a hour episode that opened the sixth and final season of the long-running sitcom. Long short short, a gang wanted to stash jewels in what not in a dummy's luggage. Guess who they picked? Fred G. Sanford. The G stands for going off the air!

Yep, I Watch To Much TV: The supporting cast in this episode also included Sheldon Leonard, Greg Morris, Barbara Rhodes, James Gregory, the iconic Don Ho and David Huddleson.

Part 2: This is brutal stuff. By this point the chemistry between Foxx and Demond Wilson was barely there. Wilson in particular looked like he was sleepwalking through these episodes...

Grade: C+



Redd Meets Fred (1976)Fred and Lamont were filing income taxes. At the same time, Fred wanted to compete in the Redd Foxx look-a-like contest. You know, Fred's an alright guy, but it was such a long shot. Fred Sanford simply doesn't look like Redd Foxx to me. This moving episode we saw Redd and Fred meet one another. It was electric. I think they felt it too because they could barely make eye contact. Fred won the contest (shocker) and I felt tremendous relief.

Dreadful: Really the show should have been cancelled on the spot after this was taped.

Grade: C-


An update from NBC's website...

Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington: Fight Club

Here I was getting ready to post about hideous commercials when this alarming news hit my desk. It looks like Grey's Anatomy co-stars Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington had words or more. This apparently happened while the show was shooting some camping scenes for an upcoming episode...

The Report: From various sources, this was either a yelling match or a knock-down drag out fight. The fight theory has Washington choking Dempsey. They both are doing extremely well with Grey's Anatomy so why not mess it up fighting over petty stuff. Fighting's good for you!



Reality Check:This is a taste of what these two could go back into in case they want to leave over "creative differences" or "not being challenged..."


That's Isaiah Washington in one of the many movies where he barely made it past the credits. Washington has been around a long time. For some reason his oeuvre is stockpiled with one seedy and or odd character after the other. He really should calm down. Grey's Anatomy could have a "Goodbye, Preston" episode before you know it.







What? Did someone say McDreamy? How about Totally Geeky. That's Patrick Dempsey from 1987's silly "Can't Buy Me Love." Before "McDreamy" Dempsey's career wasn't going all that great. Sadly, they aren't making films like "Can't Buy Me Love" anymore. You know what they are making? Grey's Anatomy. He should calm down too...

Returning Non-Favorite Shows...

Cold Case- I lost this show somewhere along the line. I think it's the setup. You know, you have a long forgotten crime, it's all wrapped up in 60 minutes as the perp's led away in cuffs as "Jackie Blue" plays in the background. Then again, I was pretty pissed when Sarah Joy Brown was hustled off the show. In any event, our Lily is dating this year. That's exciting...







The Ghost Whisperer- They couldn't leave well enough alone, I knew Aisha Tyler was going to leave. I think part of Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't want to be liked, Tyler made her bearable, her character had to perish. Replacing Aisha is Camryn Manheim, that seems fair...

The Heads Up: I saw an interview with Tyler early this year and she said she was going to be on in some capacity. I knew what that meant: Ghost.





House MD- I don't know what happened, this show lost me somehow. Maybe I'll watch again. For me the cases have been totally uninteresting, the scripts weak and I'm tired of looking at Omar Epps scowling week after week.

The Breaking Point: When a 17 year old girl was flirting with House. Yeah, a grouchy dude with a cane is what all the girls chat about on MySpace. Groan...




ER- I caught the first episodes this season and the show is actually good again. John Stamos has been added to the cast. Good for him, he's been trying to get on this show since the FBI was on.

An Idiot's Request: Would it hurt for George Clooney do to a cameo appearance? It's not like his career has gone anywhere...






Desperate Housewives- You know, whenever they say a show is "back" it never really is. Of course the ratings have improved, but I don't really care anymore. It's hard to get worked up over a show that squandered the talents of Alfre Woodward and has Dougray Scott on it.

Tired Of It: That's all.





Close To Home- This was supposed to be Jennifer Finnigan's show. After a whole season of having Kimberly Elise act circles around her, this has turned into an ensemble. D' Shawn Hardell from Beverly Hills 90210, Jag and Falsone from Homicide have joined the cast.






A Warning: This guy's sneaky, this mess is going to be the David James Elliot Show before you know it...

My Favorite Celebrity Sex Tapes

Oh hi, this is James Brown. Oops, wrong script. In any event, I think it's time we talk about something no one ever discusses: Sex tape. You know, you put "sex" in a search engine, and you come up empty, no pics, no nothing. What gives? I'll have to be a maverick and talk about this stuff...




I'm concerned about Screech. First I was feeling a bit sorry for him and his domestic woes, the next thing I hear is that he was having fun on this sex tape. Here Screech is with two women reportedly doing a ton of stuff and something called a Dirty Sanchez. I'm no prude, but I don't even know what that is. Frankly, if this is a true sex tape, I hope he's with his wife and leaving that freaky stuff to Zach Morris.


Mr. Belding also did a sex tape. It's a solo venture although John Ratzenberger makes a cameo appearance.











Ugly has a few tapes too...Now this is something I've got to miss. I cannot see why anyone would want to see Paris Hilton have sex. It's beyond me. I'd rather watch old McDonald's commercials on YouTube.








The Go-Go's have a tape floating around too. From the descriptions I read it's mostly them f'ed up on coke and not doing a whole heck of a lot. I want to see it anyway. Something tells me the '80s milieu and hearing them talk about "stuff" is a total win-win for me...

Note: I said "milieu" no wonder I can't get a date...








Best Sex Tape Ever: Jayne Kennedy... I had heard about an alleged tape featuring Jayne and her ex-husband Leon Issac Kennedy. I had to get my people on it and they finally delivered tape on my doorstep by way of a stork. Way to rock it old-school...

Review: The quality was awful, the tape was blurry but it was action-packed! The downside was seeing Leon Issac Kennedy, in fact I had to avert my eyes whenever that ham appeared on screen. The good out weighed the bad however. Jayne Kennedy is clearly the star of this video. One word: Wow. Jayne was working out, in layman's terms, she brought it. I laughed, I cried....

Other Stuff: Throughout this 50 minute video the world's worst radio station was playing tracks like "Blue Moon," "The Letter" and "Shake Rattle and Roll." I was insulted, it blocked out Jayne's "talking."