Star Jones Leaves The View

Just as I was putting the finishing touches on my review of Pop Rocks, I was hit with this news, Star Jones is leaving the View. Actually I first read it on the Access Hollywood and dismissed it as "crazy talk." Turns out, it was totally true.


A Review Of Jones "See-Ya": I have way expected the news. Of course to get to that point the gals indulged in idle chit-chat about something or other. An uncomfortable pause took place when Jones decided to lower the boom right in the middle of Hot Topics. Long story short, this great escape/exit came to Star after some contemplation. Meaning, the lumbering, creepy jerkazoid coming in September was took much for Jones to take. Star mentioned something about the show's "change of direction" which made an off-camera Bill Geddie bear down his teeth until they shattered into little bits.

Part II: The rest of the girls seemed to take the news well. Barbara Walters said something or other in her secret language. Joy Behar's clown-like face remained intact and Elisabeth Hasselback muttered something about shoes.


They're all leaving like the America's Next Top Model girls! Pretty soon it will just be Rosie and the animals she kills with her bare hands.






Update: Star was fired. According to People.com, this is how Star tells it: "What you don't know is that my contract was not renewed for the tenth season," she tells PEOPLE. "I feel like I was fired." She adds that she was told her contract wouldn't be renewed just days before news leaked that O'Donnell would be joining The View.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban: I Went To The Wedding!!!

Wow! I'm glad to share this with you. As a member of the press I was personally hand-picked by the couple to give an accurate account of the nuptials.






First off, I've got to say a word to folks we call "haters." I've never seen two people more in "ah whatever" like these two. They should stay married for at least two minutes. Anyway, back to the wedding. Despite the published reports, it was held at a firehouse right here in Maryland. I found the firehouse to be a wonderful venue. It seems the sight of the armory all gussied up made Nicole get all choked up. After it was over Nicole rared back and drop kicked Connor and the other one in Tom Cruise's general direction. Kidman and Urban will be vacationing somewhere...





Tom Cruise laughing at the fact that Nicole Kidman married a man who looks like Naomi Watts.

Reviewed: '70s Matchbox Cars

Since when has Matchbox been owned by Mattel? Why wasn't I alerted? No big deal, I picked up a few new cars and really liked them. I got a letter in the mail bag and they wanted me to do this:


Jason, would you do a diary entry reviewing your Matchbox cars collection? P.S. Try not to look like too much of a geek.


Signed


Jason


Wow! Same name and everything--eerie.




Blue Shark is in my Top Ten of Good Stuff. Rather than being an embarrasing offshoot and replica of a passenger car, the race car deal made this a bit special. A special note: The aerodynamics of this model are especially good and arguably most the later Matchboxes didn't come close to the sheer coolness of this.

Tested, Again!: I had to find this (not a chore, believe me) and gave it one more roll, it's still in great shape. Playing with this car in particular has always been ridiculously fun, so cool.



Same story, another quality car. Hi-Tailer came about a few years
after Blue Shark and had arguably the more durable wheels to prove it. This model was a bit heavier than most of its counterparts and had a striking design. You see it's a good car, don't you? The guy in the driver's seat seems to be more than satisfied.

Tales From The Road: I shrunk myself down to an uncomfortable size and took this for a spin. Although I haven't yet come back to "normal" it was totally worth it.

Note to self: Wrap it up...

Stolen. No I didn't forget and it's time for someone to come clean! Atlas Truck was one of my favorites and one day, poof, it was gone. Me thinks I foolishly put this in my personal effects and some jackass stole it at lunch time. What was great about this one is that it had a slow rolling motion and would go and go. Come to think of it, maybe it just rolled off somewhere. Mystery solved!

Notes: I miss my Atlas Truck, I have some deliveries to make and I can't do it without it.



There's one word for this: Franchise Killer. After this was released in 1979 things were never the same for Matchbox. The lukewarm sales made a company in trouble more so. Oddly enough, Matchbox had been making Rolls-Royce's for years but the American ad blitz was too much. The problem? The car. It's not a faithful reproduction and it's so boring it all but drives you to Hot Wheels.

Part II: The most ridiculous thing on here is the plastic bumper and grill. What? Totallly unacceptable...

Let's leave this on a positive note or well, a potentially alarming one. I love this car. The Matchbox Boss Mustang is one of the most gorgeous anythings we're likely to see. It looks like a Mustang, imagine that. My favorite version is the one pictured. Boss Mustang also appeared as 1975's Piston Popper too and models were made in the early '80s. By far this is the best one.


An Idiot's Confession: I have an odd attachment to this, it's just great. That black hood is great to see close up and so are those gold tinted windows....

Images courtesy of www.shabbir.com

More Commercials I Can't Stand

Oh hi, I just cut off my ankle bracelet, they'll never find me. Sadly, my tolerance level has declined and these commercials are helping drive me crazy. Here's a few of the main offenders...



The comeback really did take, isn't that wonderful. Oddly enough I couldn't care less. I was a major, major fan of Mariah Carey's now I'm really tired of Butterflies, Mimi, Emacipations, it's a bunch of hooey. This Pepsi commercial puts the capper on my disdain and her so-what factor. Whoever thought she'd be so annoying.



Good lord, what did she do?












I'm all for special foods for all kinds of dogs, but I don't like insults. I hate that commercial where that guy is running with his dog and says, "You haven't lost a step you old hound." I find that totally uncalled for and because of that I'm going to stop eating Purina Dog Chow.








Hey Running Man, call "Sparky" an old hound and you'll be running back home on a stump.
















Trying To Save A Quarter: The Colonial Penn commercials are a as close to purgatory as I want to get. I hate that spot where some joker talks about his big jar of pennies. You know what you've got when you break a dollar? Change. You don't need to take out the adding machine for that one. The late Lou Rawls was a voice of reason in these silly ads but they apparently had to splice him out. Replacing him is the devilish Alex Trebek and that makes matters worse.


Scam artist. You'll never replace Lou Rawls!







Colonial Penn's also added the always chipper Joe Theismann too. You know, there's not a doggone thing I can do about his leg injury. Despite the horror, he's been reheating those beans for years. I love it when he asks, "What if I didn't break my leg in front of millions of people..." Yeah, your leg keeps me awake nights too. To be brutally honest, Theismann is a compensated endorser so his philosophical air is cash inspired. I'll tell you what's not a quandary, getting paid for this commercial. I bet he doesn't have any "questons" about that.

The View: The Sandra Bernhard Episode

Sniff, sniff, what's that? I smell something burning. It's the smoke from a once vital show that's turning into a grade A psycho circus. I do feel bad. Everytime I tell myself I'm not going to talk about The View (I had such lofty ideas) something else pops up that's totally worthy to discuss in my diary.


Sandra Bernhard appeared on the View and proceeded to put the slams on, well everybody. This is a mess--and one I enjoyed immensely, here's the link



Recap: The View's problems are clear in that 7 minute clip: Star Jones and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. How petty and small-minded have become. I loved hearing Star defend Mariah Carey--like she gives a hoot. I bet these gals thought this was going to be an easy interview, well they had 15 other thoughts coming. You know what I love here, the tension. See what happens without Meredith? And when you think about it a full-throttle, bad week/weekend Rosie O' Donnell is worse than this...

The Best Moment: What else? The Jerry Lewis story. I thought he was nuts.

Fresh Cherries: Die Cast BS

Isn't this enchanting. The folks at Fresh Cherries are trying to kill a couple of birds with one stone. These are recent examples of their new die-cast cars available. This not only attempts to put a pop culture smiley face on two of America's most dreadful vehicles, it puts commerce in the mix too.

Your eyes aren't deceiving you, that is indeed a 1/64 replica of a Ford Pinto, a Pinto. The car wasn't great shakes during its run and we also know that the Pinto's assembly often had deadly implications. See, some whiz put the gas tank in the wrong place and that's totally a no-no, especially for a rear end collision. If it's one thing I hate, it's revisionist history, this is it and then some. Here's something: If Matchbox didn't make a Ford Pinto in say, 1973--there's no need now.



Here's Part II. That thing is of course The Ford Maverick, another aggressively shitty car. There isn't much to say about the Maverick without getting that catch in your throat. What is that catch? Well, it's the fact that the Maverick has been shrunken down to toy size for no apparent reason. The first time was with a little company, Hot Wheels. Like many bland cars, Hot Wheels "souped it up" and called it, Mighty Maverick. The only thing mighty was the fact at how fast the wheels either crossed or fell off. Flash up 30 odd years and someone has the nerve enough to bring this back, without frills.


According to reports Fresh Cherries will be making an Pinto: Autograveyard Edition. Hellacious stench and crazy junkyard man not included...


Update: I purchased (ha, purchased!) the Ford Pinto model and I have to say it's a well-made car. It's reminscent of a late '70s Hot Wheels. That fact makes the assembly a bit more durable than say, a Matchbox car of the same time. The paint job leaves a bit to be desired and oddly enough, the tires are rubber. The bumpers are plastic and the doors don't open. I'm gonna go to the park and try to find a slide to really test this out. I hope my friends are gonna be there too!!!!

I Missed Meredith Vieira's Goodbye

Wouldn't you know it... I've followed Meredith Vieira's career since she was on CBS's West 57th and I wanted to see this send-off. I saw a little bit of it before the cable went out, darn. But then again maybe its best, perhaps I couldn't take this so-long, after all I'm still bummed out Katie Couric. Do you remember when she was Katherine? I do...

On Vieira's last show I did see an unfunny bit with perennial windbag Kelsey Grammar. Yeah, why him--oh yeah, that's right he was a cast member on the 98-99 season. In order to sheathe their increasing disdain for Vieira they turned her goodbye into a roast. Television audiences were treated with a staggering array of annoying talent like Mario Cantone, Joan Rivers, Mario Cantone doing Joan Rivers. The only thing missing was Rip Taylor sans a toupee and with a bucket of snakes.

My Technical Difficulties: That was about it for me. I did hear that Star Jones Reynolds and Elisabeth Hasselbeck didn't have a lot to say. Hopefully they can exit soon too!

Game Show Marathon: Let's Survey The Damage

See that Bob Barker, this show can run without you!


This seemed like a good idea but then, well, not so much. CBS is doing this show called, Game Show Marathon, the only question is why. The premise is simple, a bunch of celebrities hanging around play on the sets of game shows. If it were only that simple. The problem is simple, the cast is bad. There's no subtext from those truly odd game show personalities. In short, there's no chance of Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Sommers drunk, catty and falling into stuff. The good part? This cast will be giving the money to charity and yes, my blog rerouted the funds so I'll be getting a cut...


What This Show Does: Well besides the queasy feeling, it does plenty. It shows that America is in a deep decline of truly interesting game show talent. When you've got a show who has both Lance Bass and Adam Carolla on deck, you are in some serious trouble.


Admittedly, I didn't watch a whole bunch of this. I saw the Price is Right entry and was shocked at how lifeless it was, the production values were totally bad. I saw Tim Meadows, Kathy Najimy, Brande Roderick, Paige Davis--and that was all she wrote, I had to escape...





The Damage: Ongoing B-


Although Bob Barker seemed ok with Ricki Lake hosting, he later excused himself and dropped a steaming load near the wheel...






Wed 5/31: The Price Is Right
Thu 6/1: Let's Make a Deal
Wed 6/7: Crack Smoke Off
Thu 6/15: High Rollers
Thu 6/22: Win, Lose or Hurl in a Bucket
Thu 6/29: You Name The Goo