Return of the Dunderheads...

Oh hi. I couldn't be left alone, there's a ton of dunderheads/numbskulls that have to be discussed. Certainly the level of annoyance varies, but really--they all get on my nerves...




This is a sad state of affairs. I don't think any of the Steely Dan fanatics are going to try to decipher this travesty. It seems that Walter Becker and Donald Fagen are in the process of harassing Owen Wilson for appearing in "You, Me and Dupree." The whining comes from the fact that Steely Dan released the song, "Cousin Dupree" for their 2000 comeback album, Two Aganist Nature. The song's protagonist was a neer' do well, a lay about who contemplated having sex with his cousin. Great stuff actually. The problem, Becker and Fagan say name was lifted as well as some of the character's aimlessness. Here's their take.


Got to say, the letter on the website, the very idea is aggressively uncool. This is so lame--and I don't find it funny in the least. What's frightening? I'm siding with Owen Wilson in this and that's sad...

Note: Some say this is faked, others believe this. I don't know--but it sure is dumb.






You know since Lance Bass dropped this bomb that he is gay, he actually got on the cover of People, again. Now that's totally frightening. Frankly I wasn't expecting that unless he was going on a rampage or he was lost in outer space. Sadly I'll always find Lance Bass aggressively boring and well, a dunderhead...


An Idiot's Lament: According to reports, I've read that N'Sync is no longer together. What? Can't be!






Suddenly David Lee Roth is looking like the brains of the operation...


This fool needs some help. Earlier this week a 20 second video made the rounds of Eddie doing "jazz fusion" with Patrick Leonard. It sounded horrendous. The latest news? Eddie did two songs for Michael Ninn's porno. Sadly Eddie is taking a downward spiral worthy of those rock bios...


"...Despite his fans pleas, Van Halen would not reunite with ex-lead singer David Lee Roth. In 3021, Eddie spontaneously combusted. The cause: Being a lame ass...





A sad, sad man...

Of course that's Mel Gibson in happier times. Looks like the rumors were true and by rumors I mean stuff that was but written in skywriting for years: Mel Gibson isn't a nice man. Seems he was driving drunk and saying some horrible things about Jews. Here's the story. It's clear on some level he wants to never work again. I guess he can hide in that creepy church he's been making. Tell me that doesn't sound like a disaster waiting to happen.

Final Verdict: Disgusting






"...Riggs!?!"

Pop Culture Idiot: Disgruntled Employees...

I normally don't post about inner office business, but this time my good name is on the line. Due to the actions of my staff, I have to do something affectionately known as "taking out the trash." I'm sorry I have to do this in such a public fashion.



The internet has been buzzing about this news and I can confirm it: Justin Timberlake will no longer be a part of Pop Culture Idiot. It's become apparent that Justin's lax editorial issues have a lot to do with him being a big drug head. Below is an excerpt from a recent article.




...'I've done way too many drugs already...I'm just like everyone else, I get completely plastered, I've done my fair share of drugs and I've been caught places with my pants down; it's just I make sure there are no cameras around. My boss Jason is pretty cool with it, he says, 'Smoke em' if you got 'em,' I guess that means heroin too."


I Say: Quit lying.

Status: Dismissed for being a "drug attic."






You know you've been in the business too long when your mentor and spiritual advisor is talking crazy and dealing in sabotagey. See, he wants to break camp and start his own blog but I'm not letting him go. He's going to honor his contract, take a 99% pay cut and act like he likes it.



A note to Mayor McCheese: Run tell that!








Of course that's Randy Jackson, producer, a member of out-of-gas era Journey and a judge on American Idol. Randy and I were talking shop and we had a handshake agreement about him being an editor on this blog. We were doing great work until he became a total whiner. I don't need to hear that mouth!


Randy Jackson's Pop Culture Idiot Status: Traded for Oscar Gamble, Gaylord Perry and a player to be named later...





Ex-PCI employee Carson Daly looks on after he dropped an anvil on me...

More Annoyances

Oh hi, it seems that I'm not as tolerant as me and my parole officer had hoped. Looks like there's more anger management classes in my future. In the meantime, here's a few things that are really driving me crazy...



It's so silly...


I've been called an Oreo once a while back--and it's not cool. That being said, seeing Randy Jackson's mug on a pack of Oreo's is hilarious. This fool can't even eat cookies anymore can he? But then again Oreo's can be so bad, I bet Randy would rather roll the dice on an old bag of Hydrox. Just look at that packaging, it's enough to make me hurl!

Bottom Line: I'm sick of looking at Randy Jackson's big head on a bag of cookies.



You know what? I actually like these two and their 15 reality programs. What I don't like? Seeing these folks pop up on the TV Guide site. There's apparently a nifty device that makes commercials without boarders or a screen. In this case, it's two folks jumping out talking and it throws such a scare into me that I'm incapacitated for the rest of the day...

Advice: Let's go old-school with a commercial, on television.

America Sucks

There you go, I want you to take a look at what America did to hot Lisa Donahue from Big Brother 3. As you know they are having a Big Brother: All Stars edition. CBS lined up former cast mates and made them wait to see who was picked. The jackasses and retreads went in, the producers had his picks and Lisa was left standing outside. You'll never be able to tell me that people want to see folks like Nakomis and Chicken George more than Lisa. Never!




Why is she still on?

Isn't that a fair question? I get a chance to watch the View when I'm dusting my warden's office so I still see this Total Jackass on a daily basis. Why? What does she bring to the table? Her run as a Survivor alum adds to nothing and her political view is now shared by about 28% of the population. After the View put the skids on Star Jones they've been testing a ton of women, roughly in Hasselback's age range. My question is, why not replace Hasselbeck too? But then again as devious as devil spawn Bill Geddie and Barbara Walters are, they're probably backdoor testing folks right under Hissyfit's nose...

A Word I Want To Say To Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Goodbye...

Little Giant Ladders®

There's Richard Karn. Tell me he's not racking up crazy stats as the king of the mediocre. Jackass: As Seen On TV....


Oh hi, I was greeted with a treat before starting an evening of nightmares-a-go-go. I saw the future via an informercial; a commercial about a magical tool that gives us 24 ladders in one. I know, I know, I'm crying too, but let me explain. The Little Giant Ladder is a ladder we can adjust. According to this commercial, this is not rickety or "scary" in fact, it's the best thing ever.


Like many of us, I was afraid of this contraption until I saw Richard Karn being the pitchman for this. The ladder itself is a lot of fun and clearly indestructible. They had this "specialist" all but dousing it in gasoline--yet the ladder survived. I'm so happy about that. The Little Giant Ladder will cost you 4 payments of $89 dollars--that's nearly $400 for a ladder.


Colin Powell says, "Hi!"

Lifetime Classics: It Was Him or Us b/w The Story of Zoey

I'm so happy I got a chance to see these movies again, these are genre classics. The genre? Pure hooey.



It Was Him or Us. ***1/2

Now this was a classic. "It Was Him or Us" was released in 1995. It went to No 13 on the charts. This film was about bad, bad relationships and how they sneak up on unsuspecting folks. This also stars Richard Grieco and catches him during his "Beating the Heck Out of Folks On TV Movies" days.

Ann Jillian's character had some experience with abusive relationships so of course her advice was totally ignored. Richard Masur played husband No 2, a guy who liked to hunt deer and was as dumb as a sack of rocks. Despite Grieco's firebreathing and nearly smell-o-vision performance, the star for me was Monique Lanier. Playing the Cutest Single Mom Ever, Lanier was great as a hot, dumbass woman hooking up with a stone-cold psychopath. Oh the horrors. What I like about this movie is that it appealed to my dark sense of humor. Although Grieco was clearly showboating, the subject matter was serious and therefore I can't "laugh" at this anymore. Yeah right...

Rating: I gave this an extra 1/2 star for the laugh factor--I bet some of it was intentional too..




The Secret Life of Zoey ***

See Mr. T wasn't wrong, drugs are bad. This 2002 lifetime movie was really hard-hitting. Julia Whelan did a nice job with Zoey. Mia Farrow daft and flighty mom, Cliff DeYoung was the Barely There Dad. Simply this is the tale of a teenager who gets hooked on dope. To make this more startling, Zoey didn't really start to wear all black and look that bad. She was a functioning addict/high schooler and that's impressive--well until she started getting -17's on her geometry papers.

You know what's weird? The first time I saw this I thought we lost Zoey, I mean really. Imagine my shock when I watched this for the third time and saw her survive. I was happy about that fact, I got to see more of her snarky comments and Andrew McCarthy as a tough social worker. In the end, Zoey got totally clean and I was so happy about her sobriety. Good news, I met Zoey on MySpace, we've been dating for 5 months, I love you Zoey!!!

Tyra Banks's Greatest Hits

You know some might feel this is premature but I say this is right on time. If I could have I would have complied a "Greatest Hits" for Tyra Banks after her first show. Why? Because her show is chocked full of stupid/moronic moments, every day is a cringe-worthy gem. Here are a few of the more boneheaded moments from the show.

Note: Often it's the show's real title or what happened. Anyway, it's all stupid stuff...

Tyra: Face Your Fears. On this entry, Tyra talked it and walked it. While millions of Americans are facing tremendous issues, Tyra shared hers: A Fear of Dolphins. That fact led one Iraq war veteran to say, "Damn, there's someone with real problems." For the katrillions of folks in the world with Dolphinphobia, Tyra cried, eventually went to (gasp!) Sea World and touched a dolphin! The horrors!


Baby's Got Bacteria- This potentially hard-hitting subject of bacteria was taken down to grade-level with Banks's fixation on talking about fecal matter. Certainly that is a big part of the bacteria deal and for the layman's Professor Banks broke it down to "dookie" and repeatedly said it over and over.

Silliest Moment: When Tyra asked where there was so much "dookie." You know why, Einstein? It's because people don't wash their hands. Mystery...solved!




Tyra Banks Becomes A Stripper-Got to hand it to her, either she's totally naive or a great actress. I'm leaning towards great actress. In this installment, Tyra becomes a stripper by disguising herself into a woman who looks like Tyra Banks in disguise. On the show Banks said she wanted to know why guys go to strip clubs. Yes, please solve that mystery.




Top Models Reveal the Whole Truth: I saw the show where America's Next Top Model Naima Mora and her twin sister Nia join the fun. You know, I'd love to see Naima's modeling career really take off instead of doing something like this. Banks was horrible throughout this episode. Tyra can't be accused of continuous, normal emotions so she was able to smile at the most inappropriate times during the interview. What's so funny Tyra? Not a damn thing, quit clowning!

A Programming Note: I also saw a crudely edited recap episode highlighting the trials and whines of "Top Models" from ANTM. It's getting crazy over there...





They're real, yippee...

David Hasselhoff, Injured--Reportedly Upset About Star Jones

You know, who's to say what Hasselhoff is upset about. I'm his confidant, I think David is upset about Star Jones. In fact he called me and said, "Jason, I'm upset about Star Jones." That's proof, ain't it? Get off my back! In any event he wants me to get the real story out. I told DH, sure and then he brandished a starter's pistol and chased me out of his stereo room. Here's the finished product:



Jackass David Hasselhoff underwent emergency surgery in London Thursday after slicing a tendon in his right arm during a freak shaving accident. In publicist speak, "freak shaving accident" means he was zooted out on something or other, jumped up, fell down and hurt "hisself."


According to the scam, I mean, reports, Hasselhoff either injured himself bumping into a glass shelf or hit his fool noggin on a chandelier. Hasselhoff ended up with a bunch of glass in his hand (a tantrum), had surgery and will report back to that purgatory affectionately known as, "America's Got Talent."






See, that wasn't so bad. Here's the "true"story, I don't believe a word of it...