Natalie Morales Moves To Access Hollywood

Today  fooled you this time. You thought it was one happy family and the present team was going to stay together forever. Ha! It has been reported that Morales has been blasted off the New York anchor desk and will be the Today's west coast anchor. This isn't the only news about our Natalie--she's also going to be the host of the hard-hitting entity, Access Hollywood. The only thing left to ask is what grievous wrong did Natalie commit to be sent away in such a manner.

Morales joined Today in 2006. She became the co-anchor of Today's third hour shortly after (well three years later.) Since 2011 Morales became the show's news reader. Yes, it's been a long 100 years but I don't feel bad about her departure to a half-baked, cursed exodus to the left-coast. Today in LA? Surely you jest! The 7 to 9 weekday edition of Today isn't  even going to have a "newsreader" anymore. Matt Lauer and that lady he's hosting with will read the news, imagine that!!

Sadly, Morales's career has become littered with gossip tinged items. According to reports, Morales was named as a person that was having the sex with the dismal Matt Lauer. Matter of fact, Morales reportedly missed out on replacing Ann Curry due to Matt Lauer's wife's demands that Natalie would not get the gig. The slot was filled by hat rack, Savannah Guthrie.

Oh no! This is nothing I'm making up, this blog does not do that! Morales is also known for her frosty relationship with her third hour Today co-anchor Tamron Hall. There's no need to roll that Beta tape, even a cursory look at those two engaging" lets people know that they don't get along.

Part 2 Apparently Today has a studio in the West Coast (why?) Morales will appear via satellite in the Today broadcasts like the way John Travolta appeared in the classroom in A Boy In the Plastic Bubble--oddly immediate but far, far away.

  According to reports, Billy Bush is coming to Today. Now that's some bad news of Chernobyl propositions. Billy Bush's contract with Access Hollywood went belly-up and he's set to join the Today show in New York for the third hour of the show when Al Roker does his day drinking. This is startling news on a few fronts. Bush heretofore hasn't done any hard stories and is the face of brain melting entertainment mush. What else? People hate Billy Bush. He's the face of mediocrity, the mascot for bland, glad-handing bullshit. To those afraid they will have to see an alarming amount of Billy Bush, their fears can be somewhat allayed. The program has a thousand hosts there's no reason to believe Bush's notoriously annoying personality will endear him to viewers or his co-workers.

Fast Fact: Today also employs Bush's cousin Jenna Bush Hager. As it stands, Hager's fifteen years of on the job training will now consist of making small talk with a relative she reportedly can't stand.

The Today Show: Anatomy of Decline

Did you hear the news? NBC's venerated Today show lost its 1st place spot in the morning ratings. This is big news. This is the first time this has happened in 16 years. 16 years ago, that was a time of...I can't think of anything. According to my staff, it happened again.. This seismic shift didn't happen overnight. Here's a few things that let me know that the Today Show was "falling off' as the kids say.


Matt Lauer- I remember when Matt Lauer was rifling through Dionne Warwick's underwear drawer on Fame, Fortune and Romance, now he's Edward R. Murrow. Matt's been busy. He hoodwinked NBC into signing him to a 4 year contract at 25 million dollars a year. In related news, my coin pail is filling up again!


Part 16: Lauer's relationship with his co-host, the lovely Ann Curry has probably created some issues. In an article with the Hollywood Reporter, Lauer chit-chatting about and here's what he said:

"I love Ann. I've known her for 20 years. I think we have a kind of sister-brother thing, maybe sister-brother from different parents," he laughs, adding: "We're not at all alike. But I feel very comfortable alongside her."

My Take: Hee hee har har, he's so funny-and very flattering. He should feel comfortable "alongside" side her. If I had my way, he'd be hitting the streets with a sudsy bucket and a "shammy" and Harry Smith would be hosting. 



Sarah Palin Co-Hosting Stint- Her shtick has become even more acrid with time. It was "big" news when it came time to co-host the flailing Today Show. Her performance was lousy and it reaped diminishing returns. You know, she's so "odd" she couldn't even answer a simple question about The OWN network without talking about "conservatives" and "patriots." Dumb ass.The whole gruesome 2 hours is proof that Palin's time has come and gone and that's she's learned little in her time in the spotlight.This sad little event also proved how desperate NBC was for ratings (they lost that morning too.)



Kim Kardashian -In the middle of disasters, why not invite Kim Karadishan to make rough a whole lot worse. Really there was no reason for her to make an appearance. There's was no brassiere or noxious par-fume line to hawk. She ambled on the stage after spending days and nights doing God knows what with Kanye West to talk about absotutley nothing. And god bless Ann Curry, she was able to act like this vacuous thing was making sense. This was 7:22 of pure pain.


Part 2: I was only able to watch about 2 minutes of this. After that  my mind shut off and I drifted back to the good old days of Willard Scott wishing happy birthday to some 113 year old lady.

Ryan Seacrest-  In a couple of years he'll be all machine, he's probably already got an electrical outlet implanted somewhere on his person as we speak. Reportedly, NBC signed Seacrest to another contract. Who knows what they're going to do with him. They're going to keep him in the reserves in case Matt Lauer steps on one of those live mines Al Roker set up in the studio for "kicks." I can't say what capacity he'd ever serve on the Today Show. Ah, who needs him.


The Truth Don't Never Lie: This is a man with zero news experience and zero credibility. Can you imagine him delivering the news to a sad nations about the death of President Taft? Me either.

The Today Couch- Who isn't tired of this thing. It's become an entity unto itself, it is the 5th Beatle. I tell you what, Jane Pauley and Tom Brokaw didn't need to take a rest every 10 minutes. Bryant Gumbel either. They need quit gabbing and deliver the news!

Fast Fact: Al Roker found this couch in a junkyard, tied it on the back of his pickup and delivered it himself.

Meredith Vieira Leaves Today: A Recap

Oh hi. My staff gave me the horrible news that our friend Meredith Vieira has left Today. After alarming the flophouse with my sobs of agony, I decided to watch the episode show  that Today created to send Meredith off. I'm so sad....

 After a reflective hour of clips and whatnot, they primed the pump by having Carole King sing "You've Got a Friend." Something from Tapestry really? That's made people feel nostalgic about two weeks after its release.I'm glad they didn't get James Taylor on there, that would have really made me shit a brick. Anyway, after a few drinks, Matt Lauer led Meredith to the piana and he pretended to play and led her to the street by a bunch of NBC employees.The song they used? America's new national anthem, "Don't Stop Believin'" from Journey (rolls eyes.) Ann Curry (who should have gotten the gig six years ago) seemed to have a particularly good time sending Mer off. From Miss Ann, we got Natalie Morales. Did you know Natalie was up for Vieira's vacated spot? I bet she's not going to stay on Today too long if a better offer presents itself.

The level of NBC staff on hand was staggering. Did you see Manimal? I did. Hoda and Kathie Lee  (from Regis and Kathie Lee) was there too. I was hoping they'd all fall down. Sadly Tom Brokaw couldn't join the proceedings. He was in a makeshift study preparing for an interview with Ronald Reagan (shh, don't tell him.) Near the end, my favorite gang, Jenna Wolfe, Amy Robach and Lester Holt even stopped by to lip-synch. And about Lester Holt, out there with no rhythm at all. Shameful! Abe Vigoda was there too. Goody....

Part 2: After the party was over, Katie, Matt, Al and Ann all told Meredith how great she was. They were crying and stuff yet I was unmoved. Me? I can cry on 35 year old commercials but for this? I did not care. I think it's because Meredith has done better work elsewhere and there's probably better work ahead for her.




From The Archives- Here's a pic of most of the NBC Today gang at my blog's 5th anniversary party.

Errybody Leaving: TV Edition

Regis Philibin- It's come to my attention that Regis Philibin is leaving Liveby November. He made this announcement this past January and Regis's personal letter to me came just morning. I'm one for full disclosure so I'm including portions of it. The parts of him talking about killing me have been omitted for time.


Clearly Regis isn't well, we wish him the best. And guess what? Other folks are leaving their television programs to. Quittin': It's Catching!



              
Meredith Vieira- When Vieira said that she was leaving Today after nearly 6 years, the world asked one queston: What took you so long? I've been a fan of Vieira's since the West 57th's days but Vieira never seemed "all there" on Today. The recent dust-up with Donald Trump just demonstrates it might be time for her to hang up her cleats. She was such a great football player though, I'll miss you!






Looks like Matt Lauer's got an "Urge For Going" too. Seems that Matt's been looking back at his life in a Miami Vice-like flashback and not liking what he sees. Lauer's reported payday is 17 million dollars annually and I go to Coinstar for gas money. Life's not fair. One of the frankly frightening rumors is that Matt might reunite with the lady down below.




Katie Couric- You know, you've got to hand it to her. She has the moxie to try a nightly newscast on creaky ol' CBS. Sadly, reality asserted itself and she and the program was mired in 3rd place. That's just where CBS is: 3rd 4ever. Katie herself seems to think she wasn't best suited for the one-dimensional news format. Really there's no need for her to be unhappy, chained to a desk and belligerent like old Frank Reynolds. It's better for her to leave now on her own speed with that crazy space alien smile still on her face.

Part 2: Couric is reportedly eying a syndicated a talk show to hit the airwaves after Oprah Winfrey leaves and Wendy Williams is finally hauled off into an insane asylum. Matt Lauer's name is floating around as a potential co-host.

My Take: Who want to see that? Bad grammar, intended!




Harry Smith- Harry Smith is the textbook example of someone who was ax to leave. I know the feeling, I've been asked to clear out my metaphorical desks in relationships,  jobs, etc. But you know what? I never was as good at reading the news like Harry Smith is. I don't pretend to be. Smith's departure from CBS Morning News received no fanfare, no ticker-tape parade, not even a Tastykake. In fact I heard that after his final broadcast he was summoned to the office and was fired all over again. Heh, some people. In fact Smith was canned with two of his then CBS Morning Show co-folks. Pass that pain around why dontcha.

Update: The CBS Morning Show still sucks.