Yaphet Kotto's Toupee or as the French say, Toupee...

What is that thing again? 


Yaphet Kotto's Toupee- This place is so hot, I'm giving salutes to inanimate objects. But then again, Yaphet Kotto's toupee has been there for us and it always will be. This particular monstrosity debuted during Kotto's stint on Homicide: Life on the Street. At first it seemed to be a teaser of the highest order. What is it? A tuft of sunshine, a semi-optical illusion, the toupee dazzled fans. Really we knew what this was: A toupee of the “oh why bother” variety. Still it's quite possible to see your hopes and dreams reflected on that shag rug on top of Kotto's big noggin. Yaphet Kotto is smiling at you. Smile back you savage...

Things I Hate: And Other Persnickity Thoughts...

Look at that joker pointing. Damn fool... 


I had to get some hard copy on one of the below pet peeves. Talk about something driving me insane, or even more so. This list is clearly edited, there's about 1000 more things that make me twitch. This is enough--for now...


I am With Stupid- You've seen this. Two people in a picture, one person is pointing to the other. Often both people are pointing at the other. Why? This phenomenon is especially tiresome. Doesn’t everyone look like a jerk pointing to the person next to them? Who is it for? We can see. Of course this is a faux “observance” of someone’s “coolitude.” It’s like saying, “The picture is not about me, it’s about this person over here.” How revolting—-and silly.


Hey moron, you're not a boxer. No one thinks you're cool, get over it.- I’ve rarely seen a boxer in his prime doing such foolishness. What’s worse? Seeing a person do this for no reason. You know this deal. Some jackass on a TV show does a little boxing moves--for no apparent reason. No ring, no skill, no nothing. Sadly, it’s probably a way to appear less bland, somewhat fit and interesting. The stratagem backfires when the more astute among us realize that the only person who is on the receiving end of this non-beat down is perhaps a disinterested crew and a possibly portly camera man. I’d love to get a time machine and beam one of these pseudo feet shufflers to 1974 and Muhammad Ali. Yeah, “tough” guy—shadowbox on that!

Paris Hilton- What a vulgar human being. Taking advantage of a world craving entertainment, this creature somehow has become fodder for the entertainment community. Let’s review. Her family is noveau-riche. She’s not that attractive, interesting or sexy. She’s just there, pretending to approximate normal behavior with her sad little poses, craned neck and beak-like nose, butchered by heavy hands in a surgery gone horribly wrong. I do have to say, I’m from the “old-school.” The women who monopolized so much time were actually, well, hot. Hilton is just an annoyance, like a sheepfly. Never deadly, yet you want them out of the way just the same.


Dennis Miller- Look-it, “pops” is angry. Actually Miller isn't old, but he's sure acting like it. What caused him to change? According to the spin, Miller heard some of his liberal friends call Rudolph Guiliani a “Nazi.” Boo, hoo-hoo. That was the only reason from him leaving his perch as an observer of all things politically wrong to become George W. Bush’s pussy boy. What an odd detour; another sad decline. Of course with the flurry of rehashed material (retire the crack/Sanka joke) Kerry “guffaws” and an horrendous and mercifully canceled MSNBC pseudo-intellectual yak fest, the whole shebang has seemed to age Miller warp speed. It’s hard to believe this guy was actually cool. It’s also hard to believe that it took a simpleton like Bush to reveal Miller’s yellow underbelly.

Jason Elias- Oops, did that go through? Nah I'll hold off on that. I'm going to go over my notes and make sure Jason gets it real good!

Rick James-Kickin'

Rick James around the Coldblooded era... 


Rick James-Kickin’


This 1989 album was to be and is James’s second release for Reprise. It was only released as a promo in the UK by way of WEA. While the worth of albums like this are often inflated due to the scareity of the product, for Kickin' the raves are deserved, this is good to great Rick James. Despite what was going on in James’s personal life, this era found him somewhat active. “Loosey’s Rap” was a no 1 hit in 1987. The Everywhere I Go” appeared on Warner Brothers’s soundtrack Colors.


Fans of James often found his post Throwin’ Down output downright spotty. Even with the best efforts of this era like Glow James’s confidence and attentions often flagged. Even more so on The Flag. Unlike the textbook so-so Wonderful, Kickin’ has James sounding somewhat like himself again and in strong voice.

No doubt songs like the muscular and ethereal “U Got It Real Good” and infectious title track would have sounded a tad old in comparision to Prince, rising West Coast rap and New Jack Swing. And oddly enough that fact made this not sound as played out as it could of been.

Still there’s no excuse for everything here. On the corny “rock n’ roll” of “Black and White” James essays on interracial dating and uses a snippet of long gone Martin Luther King (in rhythm no less) as his unwitting accomplice. It's hilarious.

Those looking for great Rick can indeed find it on Kickin’. The sexy and playful “School You” and “Get with It” are both skilled and insinuating that no doubt would have gotten a lot of play from true James fans. James even gets mileage out of the potential treacle of “Rock N’ Roll Eyes.” On the track Rick does double duty ringing tears out of long lost love and a certain era of heroes. Sure it’s a totally “oh please” moment but does it ever work. In a sense it was perfect to end Kickin’ on that note.

Grade ***1/2

Michael Jackson: Acquitted. How's his recording career? Ah, not so hot...

Michael Jackson waving. All I can say is that's a nifty umbrella... 



Well there you have it. Jackson was acquitted on all 1,3040 counts. Talk about an escape act? Or is it a good run at a chance at a second act. As a pop star, Jackson can't be replaced. His sister is too flaky and has made 10 versions of the same song--for years. Usher is too bumptious and slick. Justin Timberlake? Well he's not all that interesting. In fact, he's reportedly going into the movies where he can become an even more nauseating version of Ryan Philippe. That again brings us to Big Mike. Certainly having him leave the courthouse last Tuesday with nary a scratch was indeed a message to the prosecution. But it's also a message to the pop world. What's that message? It's Michael, you're services are still needed as the King of Pop.

Even after the numerous surgeries, the stomach turning, foolish antics, Jackson has remained one of a kind. It didn't have to be this way. Prince (who's seemingly released 50 albums since Purple Rain) could have become "the man." Nah, not really. Although he's in great financial shape, Prince's career is nothing more than rehashes, too much product and of course the endless comeback bid. He never went anywhere. Madonna is another one. She was in a great position with 1998's Ray of Light but then she got all weird on us. Her last few albums including an unneeded Greatest Hits 2 have all commercially diminished her. The "maverick" grenade tossing statement of her 2003's video "American Life" ended up on the cutting room floor. What we did see was a formally cool person actually rapping--about mocha lattes. At the present time, Maddy is carrying herself like part of the English aristocracy and is writing children's books.


That again is why we need Mike. For sure he's insane and he's now been proven not Dangerous. Despite his mental issues, he can deliver artistically, like he's on automatic pilot or something. For that reason alone, the outcome of the court case is at least interesting. It provided an artistic reprieve. It should be fun to see what happens next.

Searching For Good Ol' Vam McCoy

Nice cover, really... 



Sadly that's not a typo. I've experienced some down time and I've been checking out "some sites" for some Van McCoy songs. But I couldn't find any. It was because I was repeatedly putting Vam McCoy in the search box. Smooth. You remember Vam McCoy don't you? He had that 1975 hit, "The Histle." I can be such an idiot at times.

I certainly know Van McCoy's work beyond "The Hustle." That's why I wanted to hear more stuff. I used to have The Disco Kid. It was a silly album, released after "The Hustle" so everything had that familiar loping sound. In fact a lot of McCoy's '70s productions did have a certain signature sound. Of course that's not great news for some. For some reason McCoy seemed to love dense, and a touch distorted productions. What I do find funny is the fact that even though McCoy used players like Gordon Edwards, Steve Gadd, Eric Gale, among others, it didn't seem to matter. The production was so pronounced, they often were buried in the mix. Heh, heh funny stuff...

Favorite Van McCoy songs and or productions

Brenda and the Tabulations- Right on the Tip of My Tongue

Van McCoy- The Hustle, Change With the Times, Party, The Walk, That's the Joint

David Ruffin- Who I am, In My Stride

Faith Hope and Charity- To Each Is Own

Gladys Knight and the Pips- Baby Don't Change Your Mind


Preferred Spelling: Vam McCoy

Thanks For Getting in Touch, God Bless!

Unemployed. Five little letters, a whole lot of meaning... 


Me and that joker are certainly drinking from the same cup. According to my “bio” I’m a writer. I have to say the endeavor isn’t always that exciting. It’s a very streaky business and since, well 2001 most of my activities have been forged on shaky ground. In fact shortly after 9/11 (when else) I have a furry of things to do. I decided to send my resume and clips to anyone who would be kind enough to read. Of course this was during the same time of the “Anthrax” scare. My bad luck and coupled with a toxin pretty much insured my “info” wouldn’t be read, considered, all of that good stuff.

There was a happier time, however. I began to be a professional writer in the mid ‘90s. It was pretty much good stuff all around. Assignment, clips, replies from known writers. In fact, my life was so much simpler and better, when I had fewer than 10 credits under my belt. Oddly enough, the more assignments, articles I did attain (close to about 300 or so) the less my phone rang when I really needed it. My prospects dimmed, so much so I went to Las Vegas with my friend Fred Sanford and we gambled away all of our savings. Seriously folks, at this point, I have a good two years paddling my wares by the way of snail mail, email, and calls, whatever. Nothing’s worked. Everything worked before.

Make no mistake this isn’t a pity party. Before I turned this entry with a couch session, I wanted to tip my hat to a few stalwarts in my mailbox. When letters from ex-girlfriends, ex-classmates, editors, people I beg for advice, aren’t in my inbox—these good folks are. God love ‘em.


Cigar2U.com-Ahh, this is a help. Hasten my demise while offering reasonable prices on tobacco products why don’t you. I know I signed up for this in 1999, but I keep getting offers and info and I haven’t responded to them once. I’m tapped out and the cigars I smoke are way cheaper than this anyway. Did you know the best cigar is the freshest cigar?

Arca Max-Planet CD.com- I have no idea who these people are, haven’t bothered to read any of the letters they send daily. I don’t know how “we” got in cahoots. Sound like a holdover from the Excite.com days. I did see this in their recent letter, “Make sure this email gets to your inbox (and not your junk folder): just add sales@planetcdrom.com to your e-mail address book or safe list. Thank you!” For real? Oh how odious.

Sara Williams@Greenfield Online.com--Ooh wee, what a barnburner. Every time I’m looking for a “really important” letter, this pops up. Why ask why. Now this I can crack on because I don't give a hot damn. This has to be one of the most boring things anyone has ever received, ever. No words, just tears...

Eddie Murphy: Party All The Time

This sucks... 



Eddie Murphy, “Party All The Time”

Oh my. Murphy's "singing" voice. How gruesome. In fact Murphy's 1985 album had only two good songs, Stevie Wonder's big gift "Everything's Coming Up Roses" and the title song. "Party All the Time" was the hit. That doesn't add up to a great song or even one that's lampoonable due to its utter uselessness. But "Party All the Time" does provide proof of why the funnyman Murphy's singing career went haywire. He couldn't sing...

It’s not like the world expected Murphy to sound like Teddy Pendergrass, but we expected him to sound, well, better. Fans of James’s work certainly know his musical deal of the time. At this point, James was especially proficient in passive-aggressive lyrical wallops like 1983’s “You Blew My Mind (69 Times)." Despite Murphy’s oddly cutesy delivery, this track isn’t that divorced from the style. Production wise this is standard mid ‘80s fare for James. With his minimalist synths straightforward, open chords “Party All the Time” was the most popular of the songs Rick did in this style. And yeah, if Rick did this himself, would it have been as big? Nope. Thankfully James did appear near the end of the song doing his great, trademark vocals while Eddie just went, “Ooh, ooh” and maybe “Woo.” That was enough.

This near catastrophe was also captured in a video. This is where we saw how truly ungainly Murphy was in his singing incarnation. Looking like a buffoon as he pantomimed and danced around like a geeky kid, Murphy’s cool points dissolved by the second and we all felt a hurl coming on. Who came to the rescue again? Burl Ives, I mean Rick James. Now he was the real deal. Taking it to that punk funk level we all love with his Glow period blonde hair, the leather and a whole lot of attitude, little Eddie faded away on tape and on phono. But despite James's best efforts, this is song played out as fast as Max Headroom. What’s best about this? It’s just plain wrong.

Kale Browne Says, "Come and visit Pop Culture Idiot or I'll End You."

 


Oh my, how strident. Yet spot on. Well, the message was bad enough--but the tone; totally unacceptable. No doubt those words will be ringing in my ears and hopefully yours too. I need a readership and if I have to get Kale Browne to do my dirty work, well that suits me just fine...

Pop Culture Idiot's Achiever of the Minute: Benson Fong

The ever prescient Fong has a flash on the Pop Culture Idiot... 


Mantan Moreland says, "Jason Elias's "career" went that-a-way..." 



I must be honest; Ty Pennington was going to be the Pop Culture Idiot Achiever of the Minute. I heard some distressing news about Ty Pennington so I had to kick it to Benson Fong. Benson Fong always knew what time it was. Since you’re reading this far I’ll be willing to bet Benson Fong is right up your alley. And sadly that was one of the many complaints about Fong, but anyway.

As a fan of character actors I always followed this guy’s work. It’s top-notch. I mostly remember Fong from his work in Family Affair. On the 1966-71 series Fong played two roles, Eng Ho and Paul Chang. There were a lot of Chang, Chung, Yang and Woo’s in Fong’s acting history. Most notably Fong was in those Charlie Chan movies as Chan’s “number three” son. Number three? Not this trip. From his stint as a restaurateur at “Ah Fong” (named after his role in the 1975's The World's Strongest Boy) to his 1,520 guest shots, Benson Fong, well he’s just grand. In layman's terms you all can stop that gabbing, there's nothing wrong, with Benson Fong...