The Paul Reiser Show/Perfect Couples: Cancelled

Guess what? I'm back in the big time. The folks over at NBC asked me to do yeoman clean up duties on their links. I had the grim task to update a present situation at the network. The only instruction were to not use my usual "gutter talk", speak in clear sentences and to break the news sensitively. How did I do? The very idea of this doomed series called to mind many other programs that were asshatty. Here's a few others, "The Paul Reiser Show" review included from me, a man who watches television.


The Paul Reiser Show- I've see a lot of shows for a lot of years, lot of years and the Paul Reiser show just isn't one of the worst. At least not content wise. Here's the back story. This show debuted on NBC in April replacing the hellacious "Perfect Couples". There was an outcry coming from those (two people) who actually liked "Perfect Couples." In fact, the age-ism thing was bandied about and if it hit, NBC didn't want an old like Paul Reiser to succeed on their network. Revolting. Guess what? They made sure that didn't happen. They did an amorphous ad campaign, put in an odd hour--and it didn't succeed. Shocker. And get this. The debut allegedly got the worst ratings of a regular show in NBC history. Really? In history? This is the network that gave us "Supertrain," "Me and Mrs C,"" Foul Ups, Bloops and Poop Stains" and this innocuous sitcom crapped out bestest? I don't believe it.

Ratings: "The Paul Reiser Show" reportedly got 1.1 million viewers and the second episode got 18% less than that. In other words: Goodbye.

My Take: I'll say it again--this wasn't awful, it just wasn't.

Grade: **1/2

Perfect Couples-Gone Part Deux- Well it's all over but the shouting for this one. Mind as well just break the set down, perhaps spare a coffee mug and bobble head for the mem'ries. It was a hard fought battle but "Perfect Couples" was finally cancelled. This piece of crap followed the lives of six 30 year olds, two married couples and one dating one. I'm falling asleep thinking about this. I think the initial spin for this sinker was that these characters were "real."Yeah real and insanely annoying.


Old Timey Shenanigans: While Paul Reiser Show at least had a cinéma vérité conceit, "Perfect Couples" was just a regular ol' shitcom. And really this show was so white it made Chandler Bing look like Shaka Zulu.






Grade *1/2

Miami Vice: Whatever Works

Picture it, Septober 1985. You've seen the "New York Movie" "Prodigal Son" and it's a little too bloated and overdone. "Whatever Works" brings "Miami Vice" back to a hour-long format and regular episodic programming. And guess what? It's not that great either. Right off, this appeared as an insanely stuffed story with enough plot for two episodes. Really, this could have made up half of Season 5. A bunch of weird voodoo folks called the Santeria were killing up folks. Among the targets were beat cops and drug dealers. Interesting.

That's not to say there wasn't any time for laughs. In fact, there's an annoying subplot about Crockett getting his Ferrari Spyder towed away due to his divorce proceeding. Oh Caroline! There's a geek vs. cool guy fight when a sweaty accountant is Sonny's nemesis in this sickening plot twist. To make matters worse, Sonny had to ride shotgun in Rico's Cadillac. Fun... Enough of that pure B.S. The majority of "Whatever Works" deals with the lowly cops and them vowing revenge (revengey.)

The cops were totally drab, I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for these cops there in their cheap clothes, totally not as cool as our Crockett and Tubbs. Thankfully Crockett finally squared off with a bunch of them in some seedy nightclub. He cracked wise to one of them and they all jumped him. Tubbs interrupted his jackhammer robot dancing to help Crockett in this fight. Guess who was playing at this bar? Yep, the Power Station. Sadly, for fans of music, this was the Lowered Expectations edition of the band meaning Robert Palmer had left them to tour behind Windjammer, Aeroplane, Riptide, whatever that crappy album was called. In his place was one Michael Des Barres. You know Don and Des Barres went back to the silent era doing god knows what together. The guys did a version of "Bang A Gong (Get It On)" sounded so awful.

Miss Eartha Kitts

 Back at the police station...Castillo got a lot of work in this episode. Why not? It was weird and spooky, that's totally Marty. Eartha Kitt made an appearance as a character best described as a college lady voodoo woman, burning incense and talking fooshness. Castillo wasn't finished meeting up with weirdos, he had a date with a drug dealer that involved a way too long stare down, face-paint and bongo music. And to make matters worse, Marty showed up to this meeting in "regular clothes." It's enough to traumatize anyone.




This episode winded up just like it was supposed to. The revenge bent cops got dusted off, Eartha Kitt's character disappeared in a puff of smoke and Crockett got his car back. Yippee! There's a pic of Edward James Olmos relaxing off set.

The Good: John Nicolla directed this so it looks good. Sadly the writing wasn't there.

The Bad: A lot. Izzy Moreno made another appearance. For some reason Izzy became a little annoying during this season. I think it was because he was carrying the crazy load because Charles Barnett (Nug Man) was having "some problems."

Grade ***

Errybody Leaving: TV Edition

Regis Philibin- It's come to my attention that Regis Philibin is leaving Liveby November. He made this announcement this past January and Regis's personal letter to me came just morning. I'm one for full disclosure so I'm including portions of it. The parts of him talking about killing me have been omitted for time.


Clearly Regis isn't well, we wish him the best. And guess what? Other folks are leaving their television programs to. Quittin': It's Catching!



              
Meredith Vieira- When Vieira said that she was leaving Today after nearly 6 years, the world asked one queston: What took you so long? I've been a fan of Vieira's since the West 57th's days but Vieira never seemed "all there" on Today. The recent dust-up with Donald Trump just demonstrates it might be time for her to hang up her cleats. She was such a great football player though, I'll miss you!






Looks like Matt Lauer's got an "Urge For Going" too. Seems that Matt's been looking back at his life in a Miami Vice-like flashback and not liking what he sees. Lauer's reported payday is 17 million dollars annually and I go to Coinstar for gas money. Life's not fair. One of the frankly frightening rumors is that Matt might reunite with the lady down below.




Katie Couric- You know, you've got to hand it to her. She has the moxie to try a nightly newscast on creaky ol' CBS. Sadly, reality asserted itself and she and the program was mired in 3rd place. That's just where CBS is: 3rd 4ever. Katie herself seems to think she wasn't best suited for the one-dimensional news format. Really there's no need for her to be unhappy, chained to a desk and belligerent like old Frank Reynolds. It's better for her to leave now on her own speed with that crazy space alien smile still on her face.

Part 2: Couric is reportedly eying a syndicated a talk show to hit the airwaves after Oprah Winfrey leaves and Wendy Williams is finally hauled off into an insane asylum. Matt Lauer's name is floating around as a potential co-host.

My Take: Who want to see that? Bad grammar, intended!




Harry Smith- Harry Smith is the textbook example of someone who was ax to leave. I know the feeling, I've been asked to clear out my metaphorical desks in relationships,  jobs, etc. But you know what? I never was as good at reading the news like Harry Smith is. I don't pretend to be. Smith's departure from CBS Morning News received no fanfare, no ticker-tape parade, not even a Tastykake. In fact I heard that after his final broadcast he was summoned to the office and was fired all over again. Heh, some people. In fact Smith was canned with two of his then CBS Morning Show co-folks. Pass that pain around why dontcha.

Update: The CBS Morning Show still sucks.

Oprah and the Talk Show Hosts

Something momentous happened according to the folks at the Wikipedia. According to industry whispers and hushed tones, Oprah Winfrey had a show with four former talk show hosts. Ha! I'll believe it when I see it....

Oprah struck a conciliatory tone when she invited 4 talk show hosts who had talk show on the same time she did.  Make no mistake this was a competition, And really to be honest (excluding Phil Donahoo) didn't Oprah routinely make short work of these guys? Yep, that's what I thought too?

 


 Phil Donahue-With his age, demeanor he was the elder statesman of the proceedings and of the genre. You know Phil never had a hint of scandal to his name, not unless you count his thriving prostitution ring 1987-1993. In my estimations, Donahue and Oprah never had a true ratings fight. By the time Winfrey's show hit syndication, Donahue's was eroding like 1973 Willie Mays.

Peep This: Although you'd think that Phil left his talk show some when in 1992 with vim, vigor and his pride intact, think again. The Phil Donahue Show staggered off the air in 1996 to diminishing returns and an audience who abandoned him. According to my staff, Phil's post- talk show credits include two seasons on Judging Amy and hosting duties for Soul Train.








Sally Jessy Raphael- Like the rest of them, Sally lost her mind years ago. Despite being in the proximity of "normal" hosts like Donahue, Raphael's show was closer to the outhouse antics of Richard Bey and Maury Povich. If I'm remembering correctly, Jessy Raphael proceeded over one of the most gauche shows of them all. It could be said that it was her, not Phil Donahue who truly spawned Jerry Springer. To that I say, thanks Sally.

Where The Story Goes, A Farm: While time away from the camera has made her a bit less obnoxious, she doesn't seem to be getting any saner. During the show their was a scene when she was on her farm talking about selling eggs. Selling eggs? Sally, you crazy?





Geraldo Rivera- During the Oprah program, Geraldo did a good job of reigning in what a raging asshole he is. Rivera, one of the most annoying people ever, managed to create a sleepy red glow to his years of rampant chicanery. We didn't really hear much new from Geraldo just the same ol' "stuff" about sailing, broken noses and Al Capone. Oh, thrilling.



Part 2: Once a freedom fighter, Rivera has spent the past few years  saying something close to nothing at the stank/stonking studios of Fox News. And just look at him, he's satisfied staying at that rat hole. Stay there forever ever Geraldo, I don't care.





Montel Williams- This is the one person who did a good job on Oprah. He clearly got the fact that his show wasn't quite on the same exact level as Winfrey's, but he tried. He's been on the Oprah Winfrey Show a few times and did a few Dr. Oz's. Remember the episode where Montel bumped his head and decided to hunt Dr. Oz for sport. Classic TV.

The More You Know: In 1996 Williams won an Emmy for Best Daytime Talk Show host. His TV drama Matt Waters won a People's Choice Award for Show Most Likely To Be Forgotten Forever Ever.





Ricki Lake- To me, her inclusion was puzzling yet not troublesome. The Ricki Lake Show targeted the youth and it was so long ago, I was in her demographic. Unlike Sally Jessy Raphael, Lake's show was actually good in it's first few seasons. I've always liked Ricki, in fact I sent letters n' Valentines to myself pretending they were from her. That was a long time ago--it's been a year.

Picture courtesy of Jason's secret folder.

A Noticeable Absence: Who that is? Ain't nobody but Maury...I took that pic after I broke the news that Oprah wasn't going to have him on her show. He's so hopped up on dope he doesn't even care.