Fools of the Week (And Thensome)

Nick Hogan: Grade A Jackass. To be honest, I find the Hogans disturbing. Not surprisingly, speed demon Nick Hogan has driving difficulties. While it's semi-humorous now, a few hours before all of the details were in--it looked pretty dire. Hogan was driving a bone-shattering 84 in a 45 mile per hour zone. He also wasn't wearing a seat belt, lost control, crossed the median, hit a palm tree and demolished his car.



Save the Vigils: Everyone can blow out the candles, Nick Hogan is ok and was released from the hospital.

I think that car has a few more miles in it...









Mike Boogie- A Man and His Penile Bump: Never one for decorum or following the tenets of "too much information," here's Boogie, again. This time, he's not in the Big Brother house, he migrated to E! Dr. 90210 to see his friend Dr. Will Kirby. But this isn't a friendly call, it's medical. It seems that Boogie has a problem with his member. Not one to dwell in his sorrows, Boogie found a way to embarrass himself, Dr. Will, E! and the genital wart. Not surprisingly this was compelling TV.

Part 2: Oddly enough, I can stand both Dr. Will and Mike Boogie...





Michael Vick: Full of Contrition- I don't know much about his career. I haven't followed football since Lydell Mitchell left the Colts, but I do know that dog fighting and killing is wrong, wrong, wrong. As Vick entered a guilty plea, he told us all that he found religion and found it real quick.





How could a man create such a great cold remedy yet do such horrible things?








Jerry Lewis: Best Friend Ever- As we all know we lost Merv Griffin. You know who else knows? Jerry Lewis. Lewis dropped this bomb during a recent appearance on the always shitious ET. "I was very angry when I heard he died. He didn't have to die. He knew he had prostate cancer and he did nothing about it. He deserved to die."


Part 2: And that's the last we've heard of Jerry Lewis. Since he made that awful comment, his face froze into the position seen above. We'll be thinking of him...

Pop Culture Idiot Intimate Portrait: Fats Domino

He doesn't look that fat by today's standards. Let's call him Stout Domino...


It seems that I've lost the license to my "Pop Culture Idiot Achiever Award." I was taken from me by those who hate America. I've fortunately rallied and found another way of honoring deserving acts, the Intimate Portrait. And no it doesn't sound familiar. The first in this revamped series is Fats Domino.

Oddly enough, I've shied away from listening to Domino's collected work. I don't know why. It's not that there's anything fundamentally wrong with Fats, it's just that I shouldn't be listening to him. I had always been a fan of "I'm Walkin'" and "I'm Gonna Be A Wheel Someday" so I decided to investigate further. Sorry I did. Previously innocuous songs like "Josephine","I'm Ready" and "Walking to New Orleans" have triggered a collection of "spells" that I have yet to recover from...


Here's a pic of Fats at my 30,303 visitors party. I don't know about you, but I don't think he's aged a day...









Not so fast...

After Hurricane Katrina, Fats was missing for a bit and one of his "fans" was able to close the book on Domino. As of this printing, Fats is still alive and owes me $50...

George W. Bush/Karl Rove: F'n Crying Babies

I was ready to do an investigative report on Aunt Bee's preserves when I saw this happy news. According to reports, devil incarnate, Karl Rove is leaving the White House on August 31th (not the 31st as initially reported.) Seems like Rove is crumbling under the pressure and the fact that his Frankenstein project George W. Bush is too far gone and getting dumber everyday, if that's humanly possible. Here's a few disgusting "goodbye" photos.



Turd Blossom Calls it a Day...The "architect" of some of the most vicious campaigns this side of "Vote for Hitler or Else" takes a moment to break down like a little girl. Wimpy would be crying too, he is a little. It's shocking because Bush is barely human so "normal emotions" escape him.


Wimpy and Psycho: Together Again- You know what struck me more than anything is the fact that Karl Rove isn't especially important in the Bush cabinet, well not in the role he's had since 2005. There's no reason for a press conference, no reason for it to be on the White House lawn and after jointly reaming America for nearly two decades, no reason for the tears. They're so gross.



Again, no need for the drama. Rove is leaving on the 31st, not today. What was this about?








Bush's mom was unavailable for comment...

I Can't Stand Them

I've tried to be more tolerant of the following people, but they're still getting on my nerves. Here's a short list of some of the people I just can't stand...


Joey Fatone- I don't know what it is, I went from being a casual observer to Fatone's hits and misses--and then he became the enemy. You wanna know why there's no peace in the world? You're looking right at him.

Part 2- Since they're two untrustworthy entities, I might as well state for the record that Joey Fatone's Beard is one of his most annoying things. I hate beards like that, it's too much work to look like a circus freak.



Jimmy Kimmel- This guy is so bad he makes Rick Dees look like Jack Paar. I'm not a big Jimmy Kimmel fan. The reasons? I don't know? It could be I find him nausating, his deceptively sane looking girlfriend gets on my nerves, etc. Me, I like to think its something more petty like, I just can't stand the sight of him. That's better--it will help me sleep tonight.





Sherri Shepherd- All I can do is nod my head and just go, "Why?" Not one of my favorite entertainers from jump street, her appearances on the View have left me underwhelmed. From talking about her no good husband, her boobs and not believing in evolution, there's just no wiggle room. She gives me a headache.


Elisabeth Hasselback- Talk about a headache...Although it seems like I'm repeating myself, my hatred for Hasselbeck is always new. It makes me feel glad all over. She's just wrong. Her politics are despicable, she's duplicitous and tiring to look at.




Part 15- The best thing she did, sadly, was destroy whatever remnants of sanity Rosie O'Donnell had during their knock down, drag out.

That pic is from Rosie's last View. I'm not crazy about her either.






Adam Levine/Maroon 5- Hats off to Gumpy. Looking at this jerkazoid makes me know that most of the lead singers in bands are total pricks. Not a fan of this guy's voice either. I've heard him compared to Stevie Wonder--I just don't hear it. In fact, it's people like Adam Levine that are driving me back to Little Milton.