Pop Culture Idiot: Interventions For F'd Up Folks

I'm going to take a break from waxing nostaglic about things like Frostie's and Eagle-Eyed GI Joes to help these walking time bombs from imploding on our watch.


Dr. Phil- It's safe to say Dr. Phil has hit a rough patch. The quality of his show has declined. It seems that Phil has forgone any true self-helping tools by turning up the volume and letting the crazies out. The nadir has to be the recent episode where Phil was consoling Maureen McCormick and her certifiable clan. He went the Nick at Nite route and insisted on calling her Marcia Brady. Sad, sad, sad...


It also seems that Oprah Winfrey doesn't like the carny like atmosphere and boilerplate solutions on Phil's show. That fact is probably why McGraw has that other production company on the end credits and Winfrey's face draws a blank whenever he's inadvertently mentioned.




Rosie's and her blog friends- I'm so boring/bored I actually listen to this drivel. As its been reported, Rosie O' Donnell won't be coming back to the View. It's a darned shame. Well when she came on she wanted a "spirited debate" with arch-nemesis Star Jones. Jones was booted before that could happen. Rosie did get her wish and was sent home crying by way of the most idiotic person on the planet Elisabeth Hasselback. What is that, karma, bad timing, bullshit? Anyway to clarify, the woman in the middle reportedly doodled a mustache on Hasselback's face. Good for her.



Dustin Diamond- Folks have no doubt been horrified by "Screech" and his displays on Celebrity Fit Club. I'm not. As an armchair psychotherbist (it's a word) I can understand him. He's a geek. He played on on Saved by the Bell and he is one. For better or worse, he spend his teenage years probably watching Zach and A.C. Slater having "fun" with Lisa, Jesse and Kelly. Flash up a few years, he's filmed himself getting it on with a couple of "ho's." I don't have a problem with that...




He's Even More Annoying: Here is Dustin Diamond's Fit Club nemesis, Harvey Walden. This decorated veteran went after Screech like an attack dog. In light of this dishonorable act, Walden is off the short list of potential editors for this blog. Nice sweater though, heh heh...





Howl! Tell me it's a dream. I'm saddened to see Lindsay Lohan transmorgrify from that cute young woman into a drug fiend. Looking back on those mid point movies, who would have called that? Lohan was given a DUI (a Ty Pennington in police code) and they found a usable amount of cocaine in her car. Cocaine? People still do that? I'm saddened.


Hey Mom, take care of your kid... I saw Dina Lohan on the red carpet on Entertainment Tonight. Yeah, that's a great place to be when your daughter's imploding. According to reports Dina and Lindsay were doing drugs together. I hope that's not true.

The Truth: I don't care, smoke em' if you got em'!

Donald Trump: Quitfired

Donald Trump at a "special" room at his house where his fake Apprentice sessions end up--in pain!


Picture it. 2005, two business typhoons, talk shop and make deals. Although that evening ended with me chasing Donald with a shovel, his plans for the Apprentice were well under way. Seems it's a long way from that magic night.


Donald Trump has quit the Apprentice. After NBC had the nerve to leave the fading program off the schedule, Trump decided to bail on us. Further confusing matters, Donald now says that NBC asked him to do another, but he's too busy. So in short, Trump was booted from the schedule was supposedly asked to do another, shopped the Apprentice around to other networks--and then quit. Wow, that sounds like fun!


History: I can think back to those heady days where the Apprentice wasn't "junk" or an "embarrassment." Season 5 seemed to seal the deal for a bunch of exiting viewers who never came back. Aside from its ratings failures, the show itself declined after George Ross and Caroline Kepcher no longer appeared and were replaced with Trump's kids. In a frightening development, they both are as boorish and odd as their old man.


What's wrong with this picture: Everything.

Game Show Hosts: Parts 1, 2, 16 and 20,303

Goodbye, damnit, goodbye! Seems that Bob is having a protracted farewell tour. I haven't seen such a spectacle since those mid '90s goodbye-a-thons athletes used to have. Thinking about Bob reminded me of a few other game show host favorites. Unlike Bob, these guys haven't been accused of murder, hoo hah hah hah...





Wink Martindale: Boring, Boring and Boring. You'd be hard-pressed to find a more reliable yet uninspiring host than Wink Martindale. He's most famous for the late '70s snoozer, Tic Tac Dough. Hee, hee--nice play on words. Martindale is also known as a former neighbor to Barry White and appears on an Orbitz commercial.






Chuck Woolery- I have to mention him to put a stop to the revisionist history. People seem to think that Pat Sajak was the first and only host of the Wheel of Fortune. He wasn't. Chuck Woolery. After his six year stint, Chuck indulged in a little Chuck Foolery by asking for a raise from penny Merv Griffin. Griffin said "nothing doing" and promptly let Chuck "explore other opportunities."

Fast Fact: Chuck had a 1969 "hit" called "Naturally Stoned." If I ever hear it, I'll wish I was "Naturally Deaf."






Alex Trebek- -Before he became Mr. Know-It-All by association, Alex Trebek was just your regular, semi-annoying host. High Rollers was an enjoyable game that had two stint on NBC in the '70s and again in the early '80s. By 1984 the aforementioned Griffin rescued Alex from an increasingly dim-witted slate of games for a big revival: Jeopardy!



Now It Can Be Told: According to my reports, the real Alex Trebek has been missing for years. The guy on the left is one of many replacements. Good luck to the original Alex Trebek and all fake ones too!








Jack Berry- I have to say out of all of the hosts, Jack was a bit, well, intense. Barry had some baggage by the Joker's Wild run. In the late '50s Barry's name was tainted in the rigging of the game show Twenty One. By the '70s after a few shows, he did the Jokers Wild for CBS. Barry is probably best known for the 78-84 syndicated run. On the show he struck an eerie figure seemingly enjoying seeing the devil take the contestants money away.

Part 2: After Barry's death in 1984, the producers of Joker's Wild decided to go young and hired Bill Cullen.






Bert Convy- Everybody remembers Bert Convy. If they don't, I don't want to talk to them. One good thing about Bob Barker, he seemed to be a fan. Bert had a nice run on CBS's Tattletales from 1974-1978 and again in the early '80s. While some might have found Convy, mind-numbingly bland, chatty and ultimately wearing--he was still a heck of a guy.

It's Actually True: Look what's on the record machine! Bert Convy actually hit the charts with the song, "Black Denim Trousers." God help me, I didn't even have to research that...



Adam Wade- Musical Chairs. Aside from making solid gold hits, Adam Wade was the first African-American to host a game show. 1975's Musical Chairs was on CBS and enjoyed a brief though memorable run.








Smoking Is Bad For You: Wade is also known from his Nicoderm commercials. I was so proud of his smoke cessation, I sent him a carton of Pall Malls to celebrate.

My Favorite Cancelled Medical Dramas

Private Practice

I caught the Grey's Anatomy episode with the backdoor Private Practice pilot. I didn't like it. First off the name is totally derivative, it actually reminded me of that late '80s syndicated medical drama, Family Medical Center. Dr. Miles Jaffe was always so trustworthy. Anyway, these are a few shows that Private Practice reminds me off...

Purely Coincidental: Oddly enough all of the below shows are cancelled? That's just weird...


Gideon's Crossing (2000-2001) Hard to believe that Andre Braugher's ensemble drama didn't take off. Well, it's not that perplexing, this show never caught on. We can see on the right, Eric Dane plus a few other folks who are now appearing on other shows. That's nice.

Status: On the bubble--for nearly a decade...





Presidio Med (2002-2003)

Now this was a great cast. Dana Delany, Anna Devere Smith, Julianne Nicholson and Blythe Danner. The only problem? It wasn't a great show. After being burnt by Chicago Hope's implosion, it didn't really have the patience for this show to get better.









Heartbeat (1989) Look what I found from the Totally Kate site. Despite Kate Mulgrew's charm and star power, this show had an odd start. Between the pilot and the first show, two characters changed their names. Most egregiously Mulgrew's name changed from Joanne Springsteen to the less flashy Joanne Halloran. It didn't help. ABC wasn't a great place for this. In a way, this was ahead of its time and probably would have flourished on Lifetime--about three years later.


City of Angels (2000)

Now doubt this Steven Bochco show ran the gamut before it was unceremoniously canned. City of Angels CBS series was headed by Blair Underwood. The co-stars here were very impressive and included Maya Rudolph, Hill Harper, Gabrielle Union. Union, Kyle Secor and pre-50 Cent Vivica A. Fox.

CBS Sucks: The network had little faith in this. I wouldn't mind seeing this on DVD, VHS or Laser Disc for the heck of it.



3 LBS (2006-2006)

3 LBS=3 episodes apparently. This debuted in the 2006/07 season for CBS before it was snatched off the air. This show starred Stanley Tucci and Mark Feuerstein and that was all she wrote. From the look of that publicity still, the show was clearly going to be a barrel of laughs.

The Oddest Action Figures of All Time

Do you believe people collect action figures? Ha! How could I, I mean, they? Here's a few horrors that the world is still recovering from.

Mr. and or Miss T.- Can you imagine... You're a 7 or 8 year old--or a jackass 15 year old and you're a big T fan. Why not. He's done great work in the community and you want to see him get his action figure. The folks at Galoob did too-- but made Mr. T look like a circus clown.

Ahh, Just Look At Him: What a shameful display. It looks like T is wearing cake makeup and is out on the town. According to reports, the feathered earrings were detachable.


He looks like one of the Isley Brothers...






Miami Vice- Crockett and Tubbs- I'm an insane Miami Vice fan. The good news is that someone finally made an action figure of Detectives Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs. The bad news? They made them in 2005. And you know what else? These don't look a thing like them.

Sonny Crockett: Doesn't look like him at all. Not to be nit-picky but I don't even think Crockett ever wore a get-up like that. He'd be ashamed.

Ricardo Tubbs: The Crockett figure looks more like Tubbs. As fancy a dresser as Ricardo is, you think he'd like those clothes? Philip Michael Thomas said he dresses as sharp as a tack--and the doll is dressed like one of Lombard's flunkies. I'm so disappointed, I'm calling Philip and telling!



Oscar Goldman: Positively Nostalgia Proof

Check out those snazzy duds. This is of course an odious replica of Oscar Goldman, a character from both the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman. Although I'm a fan of kitsch, there isn't a darned thing to do with this. It's junk.

Selling Points: Check out those snazzy duds. Despite the height differentials, Oscar Goldman's biggest asset is that he'll be "spare parts" for your broken GI Joes



Bionic Big Foot: Just Plain Horrifying.

I'm at the point where I don't have to pretend to be tough. That being said, this crude thing still scares me. Why wouldn't it? It's horrific. In the later seasons, this was Steve Austin's big foe. Seeing the oddly human characteristics mixed with the animal deal is enough to truly scare me.


Part 2: I had one of these and I eventually broke it. See, I conquered my fear of Bionic Bigfoot and now I miss it



The Intruders: By 1975, Hasbro was grasping for straws when it came to GI Joe. To keep the train rolling they introduced these things

Stats: He was a bit shorter than GI Joe and as ugly as all get out.

The Horror: This looks and was ungainly. He could barely stand, a total waste of plastic or whatever he was made of...

Reoccurring Theme: Yep, he creeps me out too.

Michael Jackson: The 1984 Version

Michael was indeed a Superstar of the '80s just like this nifty box stated. Things were moving fast for Michael back then. You know what? He never really looked like his action figure. There's something wrong about it.

Picky, Picky, Picky: Look at that dull expression on Fake Plastic Michael's Face. It's like he's inanimate or something.

My Dream: I wish GI Joe had made a Michael Jackson Action Figure with a big rifle, hand grenades, maybe even a canon for "haters." Sgt. Michael Jackson, I can see it now...