Saturday, May 05, 2007

The Oddest Action Figures of All Time

Do you believe people collect action figures? Ha! How could I, I mean, they? Here's a few horrors that the world is still recovering from.

Mr. and or Miss T.- Can you imagine... You're a 7 or 8 year old--or a jackass 15 year old and you're a big T fan. Why not. He's done great work in the community and you want to see him get his action figure. The folks at Galoob did too-- but made Mr. T look like a circus clown.

Ahh, Just Look At Him: What a shameful display. It looks like T is wearing cake makeup and is out on the town. According to reports, the feathered earrings were detachable.


He looks like one of the Isley Brothers...






Miami Vice- Crockett and Tubbs- I'm an insane Miami Vice fan. The good news is that someone finally made an action figure of Detectives Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs. The bad news? They made them in 2005. And you know what else? These don't look a thing like them.

Sonny Crockett: Doesn't look like him at all. Not to be nit-picky but I don't even think Crockett ever wore a get-up like that. He'd be ashamed.

Ricardo Tubbs: The Crockett figure looks more like Tubbs. As fancy a dresser as Ricardo is, you think he'd like those clothes? Philip Michael Thomas said he dresses as sharp as a tack--and the doll is dressed like one of Lombard's flunkies. I'm so disappointed, I'm calling Philip and telling!



Oscar Goldman: Positively Nostalgia Proof

Check out those snazzy duds. This is of course an odious replica of Oscar Goldman, a character from both the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman. Although I'm a fan of kitsch, there isn't a darned thing to do with this. It's junk.

Selling Points: Check out those snazzy duds. Despite the height differentials, Oscar Goldman's biggest asset is that he'll be "spare parts" for your broken GI Joes



Bionic Big Foot: Just Plain Horrifying.

I'm at the point where I don't have to pretend to be tough. That being said, this crude thing still scares me. Why wouldn't it? It's horrific. In the later seasons, this was Steve Austin's big foe. Seeing the oddly human characteristics mixed with the animal deal is enough to truly scare me.


Part 2: I had one of these and I eventually broke it. See, I conquered my fear of Bionic Bigfoot and now I miss it



The Intruders: By 1975, Hasbro was grasping for straws when it came to GI Joe. To keep the train rolling they introduced these things

Stats: He was a bit shorter than GI Joe and as ugly as all get out.

The Horror: This looks and was ungainly. He could barely stand, a total waste of plastic or whatever he was made of...

Reoccurring Theme: Yep, he creeps me out too.

Michael Jackson: The 1984 Version

Michael was indeed a Superstar of the '80s just like this nifty box stated. Things were moving fast for Michael back then. You know what? He never really looked like his action figure. There's something wrong about it.

Picky, Picky, Picky: Look at that dull expression on Fake Plastic Michael's Face. It's like he's inanimate or something.

My Dream: I wish GI Joe had made a Michael Jackson Action Figure with a big rifle, hand grenades, maybe even a canon for "haters." Sgt. Michael Jackson, I can see it now...
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