Daytime Problems

You know, I was saddened by the news of Rosie O' Donnell's departure from the View. Well, if sad means totally ecstatic. Here's some other junk that's going on too. It all makes me miss Later Today...



She's bat-shit crazy...

It seems like we're going to have to bid Rosie O'Donnell adieu. Adieu. O'Donnell is leaving the View after her six month kamikaze mission made the powers-that-be want to sign up for more. We were told that it was an issue of contracts, agents, big business. Me? I think that Barbara Walters probably had to respond to Rosie's "eat me" comment to Donald Trump at some high-level function.


Part 2: Who knew Rosie and Barbara were BFF's? Also it should be noted that both are chronic liars.

Replacements: The names floating around are Rosanne Barr, Connie Chung, Kathy Griffin, Whoopi Goldberg.

What?!: Roseanne Barr? After her successful 1999 talk show, I guess she's a shoo-in.


So far out of the loop, they might as well be broadcasting from Mars...

You don't need Dr. Kovac to call this one. The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet is deadly poison. This lethal yak fest team originated on Faux News and some great brain decided this actually has an audience. It doesn't.

The Sad Decline of Mike Whatever: From the looks of it, our Mike is the victim some old-time botched plastic surgery. I was looking at some older pics and he really doesn't look like the same person. Maybe he isn't (Jason screams and runs away...)


Meredith and Al hate each one another...

I have to say I enjoy the Today Show. That happy family of Katie, Matt, Al and Ann and long gone with Meredith Vieira in the mix making things odd. Of course I'm sure people also notice that Meredith seems to "disappear" with nary a word. We've investigated and we found out why. It seems her contract with the wretched Who Wants To Be A Millionaire prevents her from being on another show past 9 AM. That's why she hits the bricks. I swear one time I saw a sledding segment where she was zooming one minute--gone without a goodbye the next.


Natalie Morales: Meredith Vieira on meds.

This is who replaces Meredith every morning. She's what the kids refer to as a "total downer."







Worst news ever...

Now this story is even more sickening than Mark Steines. My world was rocked when CNN decided to send Soledad O'Brien (and the other guy) off of American Morning for former Fox Bot Kiran Chetry and an increasingly unnerving John Roberts.





My Take: Miles O' Brien was kind of boring and Soledad gets on people's nerves. Not me, I enjoy watching guests be uncomfortable.

Note: I'm only going to use this pic for journalistic purposes.

Five Minutes Later: Oh well...

Celine Dion and Elvis Presley: A Review

I got a chance to see American Idol last night. It's still silly. The best part was this "America Gives Back" segment that featured a lot of stars like Pink and Gwen Stefani. Oh yeah, that's right. They all paled in comparison to two singers in particular, Celine Dion and Elvis Presley.

Elvis overcame incredible odds to be there, but when he showed up, you could feel the electricity in the air. His duet partner was Celine Dion. I'm not one for duets, but this was something special. Reportedly Presley wanted to had other songs he wanted to do like "She Bangs" or that wretch worthy theme from Titanic. The two settled on an Elvis classic, "If I Can Dream" despite the fact that its always been dreadful.


I'm a cynic at heart, but I was immediately taken with the chemistry exhibited between these two icons. Elvis (who hasn't performed since 1977) seemed a bit distracted, like he was somewhere else or something. He often looked away from Dion and kept his distance. She was able to put out a great performance like she was essentially singing by herself or something.


Everyone in the audience was aghast (a gassed too) at the very appearance of Elvis Presley. What a fountain of youth! How does he keep in such good shape? I guess it's between him and Dr. Nick.




Grade: B+

Kind of Watching It DVD's: Mean Johnny Barrows, The Black Six

The response from this blog is big! So much so, I was invited to Cans. I had to turn down that offer, I had 2 dollars and 15 DVD's to buy. Here's a few of the highlights...


The Black Six- 1974- This could be thought of as the nadir of the black action film genre. Not quite. The stats aren't terribly impressive here though. Six disillusioned Vietnam vets band together and go across country on their motorcycles. Actually it doesn't sound that bad. The problem? The actors. The Black Six were comprised of basically non-acting gridiron greats from the '70s. The guys are Lem Barney, Willie Lanier, Mercury Morris, Geno Washington, Carl Eller and Mean Joe Greene. I had all of their football cards! Weee!!! The story is an involving one and a depressing one. This also criss-crossed from crime drama to social statement like no ones business--and nothing worked.

Best Cameo: Baseball great Maury Wills as a football coach. I'm sick enough to think that's hilarious.


The Problem: Everything

Spoiler Alert: Like a few films of the style, this ended with a flame scene. I'd like to think this team of great guys made it out of their biggest challenge yet!

Reality: Goodbye Black Six


The Black Six's foolishness warmed me up to a true late-period genre classic/commercial flop 1975's Meet Johnny Burrows stars Fred Williamson as a disillusioned Vietnam Vet facing trials back in the world. Ok, it's not that deep. Fred's a loose cannon/bum until he gets an offer to be a killing machine. The cynic in me says Johnny liked being a hired assassin too.


The Problems: A lot. Williamson directed this so there's a lot of Fred here. Both Whitman and Roddy McDowell weren't that convincing as Italian sons of waring families. Whitman's accent is particularly atrocious. McDowell--who was pushing 50 was too darned old for the role.

The Best Thing: Johnny has a really nice theme song. From what I've seen, it was never issued. Darn it!

Proof I'm a Geek: See above

A really bizarre cameo...Elliott Gould fell by to play a gent among the sots and psychos, Professor Theodore Rasputin Waterhouse (really). Williamson totally broke character by actually smiling. Johnny Barrows has nothing to smile about--unless he's killing!



The Black Six **
Mean Johnny Burrows **1/2

The Price Is Right: The Search For a New Dolt

It seems that the Price Is Right folks held a "new host" deal right under Bob Barker's big snozz. You know what that means, it's time for Bob to bottle up and go. Here's a few of the contenders for the lamest job in American history.





Todd Newton- Can you imagine? For the past 20 years TV's been looking for bland, inoffensive hosts for game shows. Newton's so remote that a genetically engineered Bob Barker robot is a better idea. Todd's been bouncing around the entertainment highway too. I've run out of things to say about Todd Newton...






Doug Davidson- Davidson actually hosted an ill-fated version of Price is Right in 1832. He's been on the Young and Restless for a while now. Oh goodness, how could he fulfill his duties as host and an actor, it's a mystery. And I'm totally uninterested.







Mark Steines- Oh goodness, how would he ever pull himself away Howard K. Stern and Anna Nicole Smith. I think not. Steines is damaged goods and isn't emotionally stable enough to participate in the feigned joy that PIR calls for.

My Take: The Steines of 5 years ago might have been suitable. His troubles with the bottle and OCD have taken him out of the running.




Mario Lopez- Now here's one I called, in jest. And look, turns out that AC Slater is trying to pry the mike out of Bob Barker's bony/clammy hand. I'll tell the world: I don't want to see Mario Lopez everyday. My nerves are too fragile.

Part 2: As a game show host, Lopez is relatively young. The best ones were "over-the-hill" reprobates like the aforementioned Bob Parker, Jim Lange and Gene Rayburn. Speaking of Rayburn, I owe him an email.


John O' Hurley- This is a pick I could live with. He's silly, quick on his feet and a talented guy. Yeah, probably too good for this crap fest. Got to say, O' Hurley certainly has crafted a nice career for himself. I remember him as a soap actor and he mostly played disgusting and unseemly characters like...

Karl Rove: MC Rove

Karl Rove is one of the most disgusting human beings on the planet. His dirty, soulless campaigns are the stuff of cringe-worthy legend. All of that didn't matter when it came to "laugh" at the Radio-Television Correspondents' Association Dinner.

Woo hoo! That's so not funny. We all know Rove is a revolting creep--he reportedly likes reading Mein Kempf. Yeah, a great guy. Let's review the others seen on this creepy loop of film.


There's the masters of ceremonies, Brad Sherwood. I bet he was hoping the dark lightening would have us all dazed and confused. Who is it? Looks like--nah... Yep, it's Sherwood best known for his work on Whose Line Is It Anyway. After engineering that fiasco he can go choke Rich Little to death. Sherwood's got a lifetime gig!


Partner-in-crime, another sick and twisted individual. That's Colin Mochrie. I actually thought his name was Colm Meechie. Ahh, that's sad. In any event, this is the jackass seen on the tape doing those ancient B-boy poses and on the wheels of steel. Disgusting. Do people know how many lives Karl Rove has ruined? I guess it doesn't matter as long as you can line your pockets and feed your addiction--to crack!


David Gregory, the saddest dancer of all. He was actually pulled up on stage. He could have said no, but this power hungry reporter couldn't beg off yet another shambling appearance. Gregory was the formally hard-hitting reporter for NBC News. After seeing him on stage, he's just another ass kisser "busting a move" with the soulless Karl Rove.



The Non-Dancing Brother...Isn't it convenient that they found the one brother in the crowd and yanked him onstage for this tragedy. I'm sickened by this man. See him laughing and dancing, it's like he's dancing with the Temptations. I tell you what, if he ever wants to write for this blog, I'll have to float him a no. I don't like sell-outs!

Update: I'm sickened!