Sunday, April 08, 2007

The Price Is Right: The Search For a New Dolt

It seems that the Price Is Right folks held a "new host" deal right under Bob Barker's big snozz. You know what that means, it's time for Bob to bottle up and go. Here's a few of the contenders for the lamest job in American history.

Todd Newton- Can you imagine? For the past 20 years TV's been looking for bland, inoffensive hosts for game shows. Newton's so remote that a genetically engineered Bob Barker robot is a better idea. Todd's been bouncing around the entertainment highway too. I've run out of things to say about Todd Newton...

Doug Davidson- Davidson actually hosted an ill-fated version of Price is Right in 1832. He's been on the Young and Restless for a while now. Oh goodness, how could he fulfill his duties as host and an actor, it's a mystery. And I'm totally uninterested.

Mark Steines- Oh goodness, how would he ever pull himself away Howard K. Stern and Anna Nicole Smith. I think not. Steines is damaged goods and isn't emotionally stable enough to participate in the feigned joy that PIR calls for.

My Take: The Steines of 5 years ago might have been suitable. His troubles with the bottle and OCD have taken him out of the running.

Mario Lopez- Now here's one I called, in jest. And look, turns out that AC Slater is trying to pry the mike out of Bob Barker's bony/clammy hand. I'll tell the world: I don't want to see Mario Lopez everyday. My nerves are too fragile.

Part 2: As a game show host, Lopez is relatively young. The best ones were "over-the-hill" reprobates like the aforementioned Bob Parker, Jim Lange and Gene Rayburn. Speaking of Rayburn, I owe him an email.

John O' Hurley- This is a pick I could live with. He's silly, quick on his feet and a talented guy. Yeah, probably too good for this crap fest. Got to say, O' Hurley certainly has crafted a nice career for himself. I remember him as a soap actor and he mostly played disgusting and unseemly characters like...

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