Jenna Wolfe Comes Out & Everyone Still Hates Matt Lauer

Jenna Wolfe- What was the line in that song, "If you don't know/Now you know..." Here's something for all of the geeks chitter chatting about Jenna Wolfe and her business. In a Today show appearance, it was Jenna Wolfe's time to entertain us/make us uncomfortable.

Since 2012, Jenna had been demoted to basically just the news person on the weekend Today show. She was the co-anchor for years (along with Amy Robach.) Any way, I saw Jenna on the couch with the regular Today show crew and I got so excited--until I heard some interesting news. Jenna Wolfe is pregnant. What else? Jenna Wolfe has a   girlfriend. When I heard the news I let out a wail and hid underneath my desk. The times are changing so fast. Why can't she find a man and be unhappy!


A picture from my private collection....

More Matt Lauer, again? People can't stop talking about this horrible man. Ever since the Today Show has taken a turn toward the dark acts, Matt Lauer is all but the mascot for NBC's downward fortunes. This fool has been in the news by way of a tawdry feature in the New Yorker magazine. Among the low lights? The fact that Matt really didn't like Ann Curry. Lauer also tried to get Katie Couric back on. When that didn't happen, he wanted to bolt to ABC and be with Katie on GMA. Thankfully all was avoided. Lauer has remained on NBC with his existential anger boaring a hole through our souls every morning.

Part 2: I hate him.

Now Matt knows how it feels.... Matt Lauer's contract lasts until 2014. Reportedly some say, he won't last that long. NBC has been reportedly interested in Anderson Cooper. Why I don't know. Cooper's own syndicated talk show has been cancelled and at this point, NBC would probably collapse under the weight of Lauer's self-serving goodbyes and Cooper's arrival. Also it looks like Ryan Seacrest was just signed to NBC to get Lauer mad like he's a teenager or something. Seacrest hasn't been seen on the Today Show set in a long time. But you know who has? Carson Daly. Carson Daly?  NBC has lost its damn mind...

Savannah Guthrie- I have to admit, I liked her spunk here, liked liked it. Here's what happened. The happy NBC family were outside doing the world's most boring demonstration of vacuum cleaners. Anyway, Savannah was trying to get one to work and Matt said, "This is the first time Savannah's ever used a vacuum cleaner." Savannah stormed off and did this. Ha, love it!

Of course NBC was all a twitter doing manage control and Guthrie had to get online and say, "Folks it was my INDEX finger." Sure it was. And really if it was her thumb, that facial expression isn't one of the most loving one I've ever seen.


Part 2: I want to see Savannah, Al Roker and Jenna Wolfe's baby attack Matt Lauer and lock him in a rundown cabin and press the button that says "TNT."

Ann Curry's Goodbye: A Review

You knew this was coming didn't you? No amount of internet campaigns and thoughtful letters on her behalf was going to stop this big wheel a' rolling. Miss Ann Curry was toast! It's taken a stint at a "facility" for me to process this but this is how I remember it. It was so long ago....


It was at 8:15 when it happened. Matt Lauer, Pinky Tuscadaro and Al Roker were all on the couch when Curry said her goodbye. Composure? Out of the picture. Ann was crying up a hailstorm. You know it was genuine. She's no actress. She wasn't Tara #2 on Ryan's Tomorrow, this is real pain. Curry said things that almost made it seemed like she let someone down. Oh no, NBC let you down--and us down. We really shouldn't have seen this. You know what we didn't see but should have? A highlight reel. I guess Matt Lauer vetoed it, it would have cut into his Aging Boys at the Ball Yard piece with Derek Jeter.

Curry's goodbye lasted mere few minutes. There was no highlight reel, no best-of, etc. Curry laid out NBC's plans for her. It seems that Ann's going to be repurposed like an old Gateway. They all got a chance to talk about stuff at the end. Ann looked at Al. Matt spoke--Ann didn't give too much eye contact and said a curt, "Thank you" after he stopped yammering. Natalie Morales reached out to Curry as she spoke. It was nice. According to reports, Morales is trying to leave.

   <-------Look at Al Roker on that pic will you please? I don't think I've ever seen that facial expression from our Al before, he's pissed. It's no surprise. Al and Ann are friends and I know he hates this, well at least that's what he told me in our chats on Yahoo! By 9 o' clock in the AM, Ann was gone into the ether, taking the first thing smoking to California Los Angeles. Without Ann in the mix,  I saw the things that are really killing TODAY. Here they are...


Star Jones and the Dunderheads: The world's only lawyer Savannah Guthrie talked with the Today's Professionals where they talked about everything except for how fast and far Ann Curry got drop kicked off the stage. I can't stand a one of them except for Star Jones.

Grade D









Willard, Your Name is Willard--5,4, 3.... They'll never admit to it, but I think Willard was having a "spell" on the air. Being away from the studio has made him rustier than old Desoto. Undaunted, NBC, a stickler for quality, let this man ramble on incessantly about 5 to 7 minutes. He was annoying in olden days, now, he's lethal.

Grade: A for Abysmal

Al Roker Is Not a Lady- Poor Al Roker. After saying goodbye to his only friend on the set, Al had some Life & Style clean up duty. This segment featured the "scintillating" Charmaine Harris and Janet Evanovich.
 From the lightning to the canned patter, it looked like TV from nearly 25 years ago. I half expected to see Linda Dano barrel onstage with her state-sized shoulder pads to talk about oat bran muffins and Clarence Thomas.

Grade C- Upped a notch for Al not "going off" and choking the both of them.

The Paul Reiser Show/Perfect Couples: Cancelled

Guess what? I'm back in the big time. The folks over at NBC asked me to do yeoman clean up duties on their links. I had the grim task to update a present situation at the network. The only instruction were to not use my usual "gutter talk", speak in clear sentences and to break the news sensitively. How did I do? The very idea of this doomed series called to mind many other programs that were asshatty. Here's a few others, "The Paul Reiser Show" review included from me, a man who watches television.


The Paul Reiser Show- I've see a lot of shows for a lot of years, lot of years and the Paul Reiser show just isn't one of the worst. At least not content wise. Here's the back story. This show debuted on NBC in April replacing the hellacious "Perfect Couples". There was an outcry coming from those (two people) who actually liked "Perfect Couples." In fact, the age-ism thing was bandied about and if it hit, NBC didn't want an old like Paul Reiser to succeed on their network. Revolting. Guess what? They made sure that didn't happen. They did an amorphous ad campaign, put in an odd hour--and it didn't succeed. Shocker. And get this. The debut allegedly got the worst ratings of a regular show in NBC history. Really? In history? This is the network that gave us "Supertrain," "Me and Mrs C,"" Foul Ups, Bloops and Poop Stains" and this innocuous sitcom crapped out bestest? I don't believe it.

Ratings: "The Paul Reiser Show" reportedly got 1.1 million viewers and the second episode got 18% less than that. In other words: Goodbye.

My Take: I'll say it again--this wasn't awful, it just wasn't.

Grade: **1/2

Perfect Couples-Gone Part Deux- Well it's all over but the shouting for this one. Mind as well just break the set down, perhaps spare a coffee mug and bobble head for the mem'ries. It was a hard fought battle but "Perfect Couples" was finally cancelled. This piece of crap followed the lives of six 30 year olds, two married couples and one dating one. I'm falling asleep thinking about this. I think the initial spin for this sinker was that these characters were "real."Yeah real and insanely annoying.


Old Timey Shenanigans: While Paul Reiser Show at least had a cinéma vérité conceit, "Perfect Couples" was just a regular ol' shitcom. And really this show was so white it made Chandler Bing look like Shaka Zulu.






Grade *1/2

The Jay Leno Show

The Jay Leno Show- We've been awaiting this disaster for a few months and it didn't disappoint. It was/is a disaster. Leno was the host of the Tonight Show for 17 years after being Johnny Carson's substitute host. Before that, Leno was a hilarious comedian whose best work can be seen via YouTube. Clearly the times have changed. Whether Jay was asked (axed) to leave the Tonight Show for Conan O' Brien or left on his own speed, who knows. But the truth is little consolation for a talk show that's going to be on every weeknight at 10PM Eastern.

The main problem with the Jay Leno Show is that it's pointless. Really I want to see dramas as 10PM, not talk shows and especially not train wrecks. He's a talented guy, a good talk show host but why is this on? Oh yeah that's right, ratings. For his inaugural broadcast Jay had this skit that went on forever, Jerry Seinfeld fell by and I turned away to watch Guiding Light on my computer. Sad, I know.


Who's that? Oh look, it's Kanye West. He was able to visit after his shameful display at the VMA's. We see from the pic he's shell shocked after interrupting little ol' Taylor Hicks Swift's big moment. She looked as lost as Carrie out there didn't she. Anyway, this drama provided Jay a "Hugh Grant" moment so early on. It's quite fortuitous isn't it? Jay later offered Kanye some counseling at a crazy hospital (in a room next to Ben Silverman) and Kanye decided to torture us musically with help from Rhianna and Jay-Z.

Grade: C-

What I'd Do: Cancel it and give Leno a weekly show.

2009 Fall Schedule

I was out playing 78's with Bill Richardson, getting my drank on when I realized that the networks had announced their schedule. Good news for those who like crap, you're getting a heaping helping of it. Here's the list from the formerly entitled Big 3.

ABC:

MONDAY

8:00 p.m. Dancing With the Stars
10:00 p.m. Castle

TUESDAY

8:00 p.m. Shark Tank
9:00 p.m. Dancing With the Stars the Results Show
10:00 p.m. The Forgotten

WEDNESDAY

8:00 p.m. Hank
8:30 p.m. The Middle
9:00 p.m. Modern Family
9:30 p.m. Cougar Town
10:00 p.m. Eastwick

THURSDAY

8:00 p.m. Flash Forward
9:00 p.m. Grey's Anatomy
10:00 p.m. Private Practice

FRIDAY:

8:00 p.m. Supernanny
9:00 p.m. Ugly Betty
10:00 p.m. 20/20

SATURDAY

8:00 p.m. Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY

7:00 p.m. America's Funniest Home Videos
8:00 p.m. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9:00 p.m. Desperate Housewives
10:00 p.m. Brothers & Sisters


Look at that sched, can I say "eww." TV is over! On Mondays they're actually giving poor Castle another shot. It's not going to be the new Moonlighting, it just isn't. Ugly Betty is moving to Fridays. On Thrusday there's a pathetic new show with Courtney Cox called Cougar Town. Looking at it, it's basically a lot of garbage.


Gonzo: In the Motherhood, The Unusuals, According to Jim, Cupid, and Samantha Who?

I'm sad to see Samantha Who? go, I like Christina Applegate. I didn't see one episode. Looks like fans of bad TV will no doubt miss According to Jim. On the schedule since the 1974-75 season, the show finally was asked not to come back.


CBS:

CBS FALL 2009 SCHEDULE

MONDAY

8 p.m. How I Met Your Mother

8:30 p.m. Accidentally on Purpose

9 p.m. Two and A Half Men

9:30 p.m. The Big Bang Theory

10 p.m. CSI: Miami

TUESDAY

8 p.m. NCIS

9 p.m. NCIS: Los Angeles

10 p.m. The Good Wife

WEDNESDAY

8 p.m. The New Adventures of Old Christine

8:30 p.m. Gary Unmarried

9 p.m. Criminal Minds

10 p.m. CSI: NY

THURSDAY

8 p.m. Survivor: Samoa

9 p.m. CSI

10 p.m. The Mentalist

FRIDAY

8 p.m. Ghost Whisperer

9 p.m. Medium

10 p.m. Numb3rs

SATURDAY

8 p.m. Crimetime Saturday

9 p.m. Crimetime Saturday

10 p.m. 48 Hours Mystery

SUNDAY

7 p.m. 60 Minutes

8 p.m. The Amazing Race

9 p.m. Three Rivers

10 p.m. Cold Case

As you can see, look like CBS is giving up on entertaining too. There's nothing as disastrous as Cougar Town on they're ledger--but a lot of this sucks. They're moving The Mentalist and Cold Case to 10PM. Nice going. NBC booted one of its only good show, Medium (CBS produces it) and CBS smartly picked it up. I was for some nifty sleuthing programming from Crimetime Saturday but it's just "doggone" reruns.

Goodnights: Eleventh Hour, Without a Trace, The Unit, and Worst Week.

People are trying to poop on the floor over the double whammy of losing The Unit and Without a Trace. I've seen 2 and a half of each episodes so I'm good. At least ass out Worst Week is being taken out of its misery. That's good news, right?


NBC

Take a look at this bull. NBC is a network in free-fall mode. Do you know how I know? They're actually going with the end times scenario of putting Jay Leno on primetime 5 nights a week. That's just sad. If you're not hurling over your shoes, I'll go over the important parts NBC sent to me in the mailbox.

NBC

NBC FALL 2009 SCHEDULE

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. Heroes
9-10 p.m. Trauma
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

TUESDAY
8-10 p.m. ­ The Biggest Loser
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. Parenthood
9-10 p.m. ­Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8-8:30 p.m. ­ SNL Weekend Update Thursday (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. ­ Parks and Recreation
9-9:30 p.m. ­ The Office
9:30-10 p.m. ­ Community (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after 30 Rock returns)
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. ­Law & Order
9-10 p.m. ­Southland
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. ­ Trauma (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8:20 p.m. Football Night in America
8:20-11 p.m. NBC Sunday Night Football

NBC's mid-season 2010 schedule after the jump.

NBC MID-SEASON 2010 SCHEDULE
(2010 WINTER OLYMPICS preempt regularly scheduled programming from February 12-28, 2010)

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Chuck (season premiere)
9-10 p.m. Day One
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

TUESDAY
8-9:30 p.m. ­The Biggest Loser
9:30-10 p.m. 100 Questions
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. ­Mercy
9-10 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. Community
8:30-9 p.m. ­ Parks and Recreation
9- 9:30 p.m. ­ The Office
9:30-10 p.m. ­ 30 Rock
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Law & Order
9-10 p.m. ­ Southland
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. ­ Southland (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
8-9 p.m. ­ The Marriage Ref
9-11 p.m. ­ The Celebrity Apprentice (season premiere)

This isn't a schedule, it's a cry for help. It was clearly made by someone under the influence of narcotics. I can tell you one thing, the days of Boomtown, Homicide:Life on the Street, etc are long gone. And really? This list makes me nostalgic for Union Square. Oh golly, where to start.
Parenthood is a spinoff of the 1989 Steve Martin movie. Yeah, I know you've been jonesing for a TV show of that one. And guess what? There was one on NBC, 19 damn years ago. People are losing their minds. For the folks who love bad TV Chuck is coming back to bore the world, Southland will be on twice a week so I'll have to pretend to like that two times as a opposed to just one.



Part 2: I've got dyslexia and I swear I can't follow that list. Here's what I can follow. TV is over.
They've got this weird show called SNL Weekend Update Thursday that's about 32 years too late. What's going to be on there? Kenan Thompson as Charles Barkley? Tee hee hee. Funny... 30 Rock isn't going to be back until 2050 and when it comes back it will be set in the 80s after a nuclear "accident."

Gone: Kings, Life, Kath&Kim, Knight Rider, My Name is Earl

Pilots Not Picked Up: The Scatman Crothers Variety Hour


The list of canned shows is enough to make a shudder in my bones. Such. Crap. There's no sense in crying about My Name is Earl getting the boot. It had a nice run, it debuted in September 1995. 2005? Oh the years are running together. Reportedly 96 episodes were produced. That's enough.