CBS Cancels "3": Diary of a Canceled Show

Rachel, Lydia and April

Oh, now they've done it. They're cancelling our bad shows. Remember them? Those are the gals from CBS's highly touted reality series, "3." It's over, already and the remaining episodes are sitting in affiliates stations like tins of old 5 'o clock movies and press releases from Woodsy the Owl. They don't deserve better! Here's a look at how a show turns into a big, big fail....


Looks like America met them, but didn't call back. In the saddest TV news ever, mean ol' CBS cancelled the dating show 3 after two measly episodes. Ain't that a shame? 3 was going to follow the romantic travails of three "diverse" women, you know, the mom, the young one and the mean one. Sadly folks weren't taken with any of it and decided to watch folks taking bird's eye peeps in storage bins. But get this. The show had the lowest premiere ratings for a CBS. Ever. Do you know how bad is? This is the network that brought us such gems as Gloria, AfterMASH and 2006's reality non-classic Armed and Famous. "3's" premiere was worst.


The first episode featured the "3" women who were searching for Mr. Right. The trio were as follows: Rachel Harley (the mom) Lydia Lopez (the twenty-something) and April Francis (the bizness woman.) The gals had a plethora of men to choose from. You know the types. The jocks, the goofy professionals, a few country fellas, a couple of almost scary hipsters, etc. Those wanting diversity didn't get a whole bunch. In a twist, a black male contestant showed up. You know this wasn't going to go well. In an afternoon of some sad goodbyes, April's dismissal aforementioned fellow was especially brusque and really uncalled for. In a moment of schadenfreude, moments later, a guy she wanted to date (some artsy fartsy guy) rejected her advances. Ha! That's when April had to go outdoors and cry with her "sisters." No I'm not bitter....

Rachel, April and Lydia.

The second show? Even worse. It was time to for the girls to meet the guys they liked. For you math whizzes, they each had to choose 6 and then that was whittled down to 4. If there were subsequent episodes, you'd see even more leave. The 3  had to drive to various parts of the country to see their intended ones. That's when you saw a bunch of bonding over snacks, kite flying and hand gliding. The highlights? Few. Rachel the Mom met even more men not suited for her and Lydia spent her time being young. Of course April put on her black hat yet again. This time the target was her "next store" neighbor Nathan, who creeped into the competition. They had a picnic and he sent him marching on his way before he got to open up his Hunt's Snack Pack. Later she found other "connections" with guys who live 394433,324 miles away from her.


Reality Don't Never Lie: After its last Sunday broadcast tanked hard, CBS didn't waste any more time and put 3 out of its misery. The blandness of the contestants (Rachel was cute though) was too much to take. And oddly enough, given the different ethnicities and unique characteristics of, well, everyone, 3 played it too safe--at its own peril.

Rating: **

2009 Fall Schedule

I was out playing 78's with Bill Richardson, getting my drank on when I realized that the networks had announced their schedule. Good news for those who like crap, you're getting a heaping helping of it. Here's the list from the formerly entitled Big 3.

ABC:

MONDAY

8:00 p.m. Dancing With the Stars
10:00 p.m. Castle

TUESDAY

8:00 p.m. Shark Tank
9:00 p.m. Dancing With the Stars the Results Show
10:00 p.m. The Forgotten

WEDNESDAY

8:00 p.m. Hank
8:30 p.m. The Middle
9:00 p.m. Modern Family
9:30 p.m. Cougar Town
10:00 p.m. Eastwick

THURSDAY

8:00 p.m. Flash Forward
9:00 p.m. Grey's Anatomy
10:00 p.m. Private Practice

FRIDAY:

8:00 p.m. Supernanny
9:00 p.m. Ugly Betty
10:00 p.m. 20/20

SATURDAY

8:00 p.m. Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY

7:00 p.m. America's Funniest Home Videos
8:00 p.m. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9:00 p.m. Desperate Housewives
10:00 p.m. Brothers & Sisters


Look at that sched, can I say "eww." TV is over! On Mondays they're actually giving poor Castle another shot. It's not going to be the new Moonlighting, it just isn't. Ugly Betty is moving to Fridays. On Thrusday there's a pathetic new show with Courtney Cox called Cougar Town. Looking at it, it's basically a lot of garbage.


Gonzo: In the Motherhood, The Unusuals, According to Jim, Cupid, and Samantha Who?

I'm sad to see Samantha Who? go, I like Christina Applegate. I didn't see one episode. Looks like fans of bad TV will no doubt miss According to Jim. On the schedule since the 1974-75 season, the show finally was asked not to come back.


CBS:

CBS FALL 2009 SCHEDULE

MONDAY

8 p.m. How I Met Your Mother

8:30 p.m. Accidentally on Purpose

9 p.m. Two and A Half Men

9:30 p.m. The Big Bang Theory

10 p.m. CSI: Miami

TUESDAY

8 p.m. NCIS

9 p.m. NCIS: Los Angeles

10 p.m. The Good Wife

WEDNESDAY

8 p.m. The New Adventures of Old Christine

8:30 p.m. Gary Unmarried

9 p.m. Criminal Minds

10 p.m. CSI: NY

THURSDAY

8 p.m. Survivor: Samoa

9 p.m. CSI

10 p.m. The Mentalist

FRIDAY

8 p.m. Ghost Whisperer

9 p.m. Medium

10 p.m. Numb3rs

SATURDAY

8 p.m. Crimetime Saturday

9 p.m. Crimetime Saturday

10 p.m. 48 Hours Mystery

SUNDAY

7 p.m. 60 Minutes

8 p.m. The Amazing Race

9 p.m. Three Rivers

10 p.m. Cold Case

As you can see, look like CBS is giving up on entertaining too. There's nothing as disastrous as Cougar Town on they're ledger--but a lot of this sucks. They're moving The Mentalist and Cold Case to 10PM. Nice going. NBC booted one of its only good show, Medium (CBS produces it) and CBS smartly picked it up. I was for some nifty sleuthing programming from Crimetime Saturday but it's just "doggone" reruns.

Goodnights: Eleventh Hour, Without a Trace, The Unit, and Worst Week.

People are trying to poop on the floor over the double whammy of losing The Unit and Without a Trace. I've seen 2 and a half of each episodes so I'm good. At least ass out Worst Week is being taken out of its misery. That's good news, right?


NBC

Take a look at this bull. NBC is a network in free-fall mode. Do you know how I know? They're actually going with the end times scenario of putting Jay Leno on primetime 5 nights a week. That's just sad. If you're not hurling over your shoes, I'll go over the important parts NBC sent to me in the mailbox.

NBC

NBC FALL 2009 SCHEDULE

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. Heroes
9-10 p.m. Trauma
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

TUESDAY
8-10 p.m. ­ The Biggest Loser
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. Parenthood
9-10 p.m. ­Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8-8:30 p.m. ­ SNL Weekend Update Thursday (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. ­ Parks and Recreation
9-9:30 p.m. ­ The Office
9:30-10 p.m. ­ Community (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after 30 Rock returns)
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. ­Law & Order
9-10 p.m. ­Southland
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. ­ Trauma (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8:20 p.m. Football Night in America
8:20-11 p.m. NBC Sunday Night Football

NBC's mid-season 2010 schedule after the jump.

NBC MID-SEASON 2010 SCHEDULE
(2010 WINTER OLYMPICS preempt regularly scheduled programming from February 12-28, 2010)

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Chuck (season premiere)
9-10 p.m. Day One
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

TUESDAY
8-9:30 p.m. ­The Biggest Loser
9:30-10 p.m. 100 Questions
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. ­Mercy
9-10 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. Community
8:30-9 p.m. ­ Parks and Recreation
9- 9:30 p.m. ­ The Office
9:30-10 p.m. ­ 30 Rock
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Law & Order
9-10 p.m. ­ Southland
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. ­ Southland (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
8-9 p.m. ­ The Marriage Ref
9-11 p.m. ­ The Celebrity Apprentice (season premiere)

This isn't a schedule, it's a cry for help. It was clearly made by someone under the influence of narcotics. I can tell you one thing, the days of Boomtown, Homicide:Life on the Street, etc are long gone. And really? This list makes me nostalgic for Union Square. Oh golly, where to start.
Parenthood is a spinoff of the 1989 Steve Martin movie. Yeah, I know you've been jonesing for a TV show of that one. And guess what? There was one on NBC, 19 damn years ago. People are losing their minds. For the folks who love bad TV Chuck is coming back to bore the world, Southland will be on twice a week so I'll have to pretend to like that two times as a opposed to just one.



Part 2: I've got dyslexia and I swear I can't follow that list. Here's what I can follow. TV is over.
They've got this weird show called SNL Weekend Update Thursday that's about 32 years too late. What's going to be on there? Kenan Thompson as Charles Barkley? Tee hee hee. Funny... 30 Rock isn't going to be back until 2050 and when it comes back it will be set in the 80s after a nuclear "accident."

Gone: Kings, Life, Kath&Kim, Knight Rider, My Name is Earl

Pilots Not Picked Up: The Scatman Crothers Variety Hour


The list of canned shows is enough to make a shudder in my bones. Such. Crap. There's no sense in crying about My Name is Earl getting the boot. It had a nice run, it debuted in September 1995. 2005? Oh the years are running together. Reportedly 96 episodes were produced. That's enough.