Catching Up With TV Friends and Oh Yeah, Al Roker Sharted

I decided to catch up with my friends, it's been so long...

Ann Curry It looks like Ann Curry is trying to leave us, ya'll. It looks like her role as a globe-trotting reporter is only equaling one appearance a year. It did start out promising though. Curry’s first post-exit appearance with NBC Nightly News with Brian Wilson Brian Williams. It wasn’t a happy occasion. Both Williams and Curry were out in the field covering some tragedy. Curry first appeared wearing a French maid costume like the one Sabrina Duncan wore on that episode of Charlie's Angels. In the later remote Ann was wearing some big ass David Ruffin sized specs too. I liked them...


 
That's pretty much it, Ann's doing cameo appearances like this is all a Spelling/Goldberg production. Did you see her interview with the cast of the Hobbit? Nope. So much so Ann is looking to get out of her NBC contract. Jeff Zucker is over at CNN and is looking to give Curry a high profile gig over at that network. Reportedly, she wants Anderson Cooper's old slot. He's not on there anymore is he? He is? Oops...

Amy Robach- You remember Amy Robach? Really? Ain't that something. When she first left NBC and Lester Holt's loving embrace, people thought she was nuts. She wasn't. In fact Amy's leaving NBC turned out to be a way for people to see her on days beside Saturday morning.

In fact, Amy's been putting in a lot of work at ABC. She appeared on Good Morning America as the lead anchor and I even saw her doing a news report on World News Tonight. Now tell me something. In all those years of being on NBC,struggling, cleaning up Matt Lauer's sick off the toilets, did you ever see her co-anchoring Today in a week day? Never. 

Al Roker- It's my sad pleasure to review this recent, revolting activity. It's become clear that Our Al Roker has barrel/bowel problems. In March of 2002, Al underwent the taxing weight loss surgery. In hi-fluent medical terms it makes the stomach size "way smaller." This weight loss aid seemed to help and hinder Al Roker. Later that year when visiting the White House, Al Roker sharted in his pants. As he explained on Dateline, he thought he passed gas but it was "something x-tra." Terry-fied, he ran to the bathroom to remove his painted bloomers and held this secret shame for nearly 13 years. From now on Al wears the scarlet P: For pooping pants!





The Today Show- Zomebody gone. I've been watching the 3rd hour of Today and I've noticed a change. Guess what? Every time I turn over to the 9 o' clock hour on NBC, I see Natalie Morales, Shittin' Al Roker and Willie Geist. Willie Geist? Where's In The world Is: Matt Lauer? 

Unlike NBC's suspecious signing of Ryan Seacrest, I didn't expect to see Geist on the program this much and so soon. But here he is. At 8:59, it's like Matt Lauer disappears into thin air and is replaced by a taller, more likeable human being. Really, "losing" an anchor isn't news. Back in olden day, Meredith Vieira used to pack up her cares and woes and leave due to an insane clause per Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? But where does Matt have to go? Nowhere.I wonder if he takes a cut for that loss of time. At this point they are probably paying him--to keep his damn mouth shut!

Ann Curry's Goodbye: A Review

You knew this was coming didn't you? No amount of internet campaigns and thoughtful letters on her behalf was going to stop this big wheel a' rolling. Miss Ann Curry was toast! It's taken a stint at a "facility" for me to process this but this is how I remember it. It was so long ago....


It was at 8:15 when it happened. Matt Lauer, Pinky Tuscadaro and Al Roker were all on the couch when Curry said her goodbye. Composure? Out of the picture. Ann was crying up a hailstorm. You know it was genuine. She's no actress. She wasn't Tara #2 on Ryan's Tomorrow, this is real pain. Curry said things that almost made it seemed like she let someone down. Oh no, NBC let you down--and us down. We really shouldn't have seen this. You know what we didn't see but should have? A highlight reel. I guess Matt Lauer vetoed it, it would have cut into his Aging Boys at the Ball Yard piece with Derek Jeter.

Curry's goodbye lasted mere few minutes. There was no highlight reel, no best-of, etc. Curry laid out NBC's plans for her. It seems that Ann's going to be repurposed like an old Gateway. They all got a chance to talk about stuff at the end. Ann looked at Al. Matt spoke--Ann didn't give too much eye contact and said a curt, "Thank you" after he stopped yammering. Natalie Morales reached out to Curry as she spoke. It was nice. According to reports, Morales is trying to leave.

   <-------Look at Al Roker on that pic will you please? I don't think I've ever seen that facial expression from our Al before, he's pissed. It's no surprise. Al and Ann are friends and I know he hates this, well at least that's what he told me in our chats on Yahoo! By 9 o' clock in the AM, Ann was gone into the ether, taking the first thing smoking to California Los Angeles. Without Ann in the mix,  I saw the things that are really killing TODAY. Here they are...


Star Jones and the Dunderheads: The world's only lawyer Savannah Guthrie talked with the Today's Professionals where they talked about everything except for how fast and far Ann Curry got drop kicked off the stage. I can't stand a one of them except for Star Jones.

Grade D









Willard, Your Name is Willard--5,4, 3.... They'll never admit to it, but I think Willard was having a "spell" on the air. Being away from the studio has made him rustier than old Desoto. Undaunted, NBC, a stickler for quality, let this man ramble on incessantly about 5 to 7 minutes. He was annoying in olden days, now, he's lethal.

Grade: A for Abysmal

Al Roker Is Not a Lady- Poor Al Roker. After saying goodbye to his only friend on the set, Al had some Life & Style clean up duty. This segment featured the "scintillating" Charmaine Harris and Janet Evanovich.
 From the lightning to the canned patter, it looked like TV from nearly 25 years ago. I half expected to see Linda Dano barrel onstage with her state-sized shoulder pads to talk about oat bran muffins and Clarence Thomas.

Grade C- Upped a notch for Al not "going off" and choking the both of them.

The Today Show: The Ballad of Ann Curry

Oh hi. Oh lordy, this is news I didn't want to hear. In fact when I heard the rumblings,  I cried like a little bitty baby. Anyway, word on the street is that NBC all about making my Ann Curry get a move on with the quickness. Ay gads. Reports have been swirling that the spiraling Today Show is looking to make a move, a desperate move by sending co-host marching on her way. According to reports, the ratings have been falling steadily. My contact in Hollywood also told me that part of Matt Lauer  recent re-signing with the show was contingent on the fact that Ann Curry would be canned.Yikes!

<----Pictured Miss Ann with Balding McGinty. Randy Jackson looks on....


Problems All The Time: The problems with Ann Curry and Matt Lauer being co-anchors seemed to start at the very being. It seems that Matt was nursing crushes from his escaped earlier co-hosts Katie Couric and Meredith Vieira (the second Katie.) Despite the fact that Ann and Matt had been working together for 16 years, and sometimes as co-anchors, Lauer seemed to believe that the chemistry was a work-in-progress. Yeah right.


My Take 1: If I put on my sleuthing cap, I'd say that Lauer has a subtle disdain for Ann. It's clear in their his remarks that Lauer preferred a brother-sister relationship like the one he had with Katie Couric and Meredith Vieira. The reason why this didn't happen might be chalked up to many reasons, one of which being, Matt Lauer is a "racists." Yeah I said it, "racists." Or maybe Curry doesn't satiate Lauer's pointless and annoying "sibling ribbing" chemistry that typified his mornings with Katie and Meredith. Yep, he's that provincial.

My Take 2: If this latest TV news tragedy shows me anything, it shows the machinations of the dirty ol' television business. Today's ratings are declining--so here's an convenient scapegoat: Miss Ann Curry. In a way, people have been really tough on Curry forever, more so than other newsreaders. No one talks about boring Natalie Morales is or the perpetual weirdness that is Savannah Guthrie. How about Matt Lauer? He's pretty much taken all of the lessons he cribed from Bryant Gumbel and turned it into a cynical and bland amalgamation that all but makes TV's turn off by themselves. But all fingers point to Curry--even as Meredith Vieira and Matt Lauer's reign truly marked the institution's decline. And to be honest? Today's biggest failure and stumbling block is Today. It's become a horrible, empty show-- for me, Curry is the only likable thing about it.

Amy Robach Leaves NBC and the Today Show

You know, I liked watching Amy Robach on the television. Robach and her weekend "Today" show host Lester Holt logged in a lot of hours together. I made it appointment TV to see Amy on Saturday, Sunday, whatever hell day she showed up on. Sadly I missed her announcement: She's leaving "Good Morning Beantown"  to take a job with ABC News.Traitor! Imagine Amy having the nerve enough to leave a sinking ship to save her journalistic career. She's so selfish. 


 At this point, I can't think of Amy Robach (of the Sears and Robach fortune) without thinking about Lester Holt. You know Holt got a shudder in his bones after hearing his work wife was going to back it in. To soften the blow, Amy took Lester to an old-timey McDonalds, you know, with Mayor McCheese statute out front? Reportedly Lester took the news like a big boy and then proceeded to choke on his Apple Pie as Amy drove away.


Thankfully Amy's departure wasn't a week long extravaganza. Amy announced her intention on her last show, Msy 19th 1975. Through the clips of her 9 years there we got to see how existentially boring charming she is and how time has wreaked havoc on Lester Holt's hairline. To be honest, I was a river of tears seeing Amy playing ping-pong, climbing into Mount St. Helens, and other mundane activities.. After the clips were played, Amy boo hooed, brought her kids on stage and tossed it to a break one last time. As for Lester, he should he used to this. He seen everyone from Bess Myerson to Campbell Brown out the door. Is he the reason they've all left? Is it his breath? Heh heh heh.

The Fallout: Minimal. While Holt seemed to like Robach better, I think Jenna Wolfe might be available on Saturdays. You know Jenna gets on everybody's nerves and it will be fun to see if she gets to torture us even more!

The Today Show: Anatomy of Decline

Did you hear the news? NBC's venerated Today show lost its 1st place spot in the morning ratings. This is big news. This is the first time this has happened in 16 years. 16 years ago, that was a time of...I can't think of anything. According to my staff, it happened again.. This seismic shift didn't happen overnight. Here's a few things that let me know that the Today Show was "falling off' as the kids say.


Matt Lauer- I remember when Matt Lauer was rifling through Dionne Warwick's underwear drawer on Fame, Fortune and Romance, now he's Edward R. Murrow. Matt's been busy. He hoodwinked NBC into signing him to a 4 year contract at 25 million dollars a year. In related news, my coin pail is filling up again!


Part 16: Lauer's relationship with his co-host, the lovely Ann Curry has probably created some issues. In an article with the Hollywood Reporter, Lauer chit-chatting about and here's what he said:

"I love Ann. I've known her for 20 years. I think we have a kind of sister-brother thing, maybe sister-brother from different parents," he laughs, adding: "We're not at all alike. But I feel very comfortable alongside her."

My Take: Hee hee har har, he's so funny-and very flattering. He should feel comfortable "alongside" side her. If I had my way, he'd be hitting the streets with a sudsy bucket and a "shammy" and Harry Smith would be hosting. 



Sarah Palin Co-Hosting Stint- Her shtick has become even more acrid with time. It was "big" news when it came time to co-host the flailing Today Show. Her performance was lousy and it reaped diminishing returns. You know, she's so "odd" she couldn't even answer a simple question about The OWN network without talking about "conservatives" and "patriots." Dumb ass.The whole gruesome 2 hours is proof that Palin's time has come and gone and that's she's learned little in her time in the spotlight.This sad little event also proved how desperate NBC was for ratings (they lost that morning too.)



Kim Kardashian -In the middle of disasters, why not invite Kim Karadishan to make rough a whole lot worse. Really there was no reason for her to make an appearance. There's was no brassiere or noxious par-fume line to hawk. She ambled on the stage after spending days and nights doing God knows what with Kanye West to talk about absotutley nothing. And god bless Ann Curry, she was able to act like this vacuous thing was making sense. This was 7:22 of pure pain.


Part 2: I was only able to watch about 2 minutes of this. After that  my mind shut off and I drifted back to the good old days of Willard Scott wishing happy birthday to some 113 year old lady.

Ryan Seacrest-  In a couple of years he'll be all machine, he's probably already got an electrical outlet implanted somewhere on his person as we speak. Reportedly, NBC signed Seacrest to another contract. Who knows what they're going to do with him. They're going to keep him in the reserves in case Matt Lauer steps on one of those live mines Al Roker set up in the studio for "kicks." I can't say what capacity he'd ever serve on the Today Show. Ah, who needs him.


The Truth Don't Never Lie: This is a man with zero news experience and zero credibility. Can you imagine him delivering the news to a sad nations about the death of President Taft? Me either.

The Today Couch- Who isn't tired of this thing. It's become an entity unto itself, it is the 5th Beatle. I tell you what, Jane Pauley and Tom Brokaw didn't need to take a rest every 10 minutes. Bryant Gumbel either. They need quit gabbing and deliver the news!

Fast Fact: Al Roker found this couch in a junkyard, tied it on the back of his pickup and delivered it himself.