Sunday, February 09, 2014

Dreadful TV: Hardcore Pawn, Pawn Stars and American Pickers

Oh hi, I'm back from game hunting in Tegucigalpa.. In recent times we have multiple shows to choose from on cable. That's good--and bad. Sadly atrocities that originally aired on the weekends or late at night have found their way into the afternoon schedules. Where's Mike Douglass and Dinah! When you need them?  Here's a rundown of the worst shows I've ever seen in the afternoon....

Hardcore Pawn- Land O' Goshen, this has to be one of the oddest shows I've ever seen. This reality show is set in a pawn shop, American Jewelery and Loan and features Les Gold and his kids Seth and Ashley. If that was all this was, it would be a bit bearable. Of course, American Jewelery and Loan is set in a zone that's best described as a "disaster area." Despite Gold's ingratiating manner and the pathetic, ancient sibling rivalry his kids display, the star of this show are the customers.

And about those customers. Although the show's only been on a few seasons, we've seen a cavalcade of broken-down, loud and wince inducing people from all walks of life. Horrifying...As for reprehensible characters, it gets so tiresome seeing Seth trying to outsmart his father. And Ashley? She's allegedly married w/ kids? In my dreamz, she's All Alone and rides to work on a broom.

Grade ***

Pawn Stars- This show makes me want to kick off my cares and guzzle fresh scent Clorox. My people tell me this show's been on a right good while, I guess I was too busy cleaning up poop at my old job to notice. This video taped tragedy is about another pawn shop, this time in Las Vegas. The man pictured is Rick Harrison, he owns the business with his son Big Hoss (the fat guy) and Rick's old man, The Old Man. There's also a late '70s Hanna and Barbara cartoon of a man named Chumley who also "works" there.

This show is a bit more straight forward. Folks visit the World Famous Gold and Silver Pawn Shop to sell things to get money and Rick gives them just enough to buy a Tootsie Roll. The items on Pawn Stars can be "hi-fluent," you know, maps, compasses, goodtars, jerseys, etc. Speaking of jerseys, you should have seen Rick when he was approached to buy a Lou Gehrig jersey. You know his "deal" geek-esque chit-chat, wheezing laughs, all on the way to give you something close to nothing for your "airlooms."

Part 2: The saddest show I've seen is when some lady was hoarding holding on to some Elvis Presley autographed stuff and he didn't even sign it. You know what happened? They were worthless. My tears fell like rain and I had filled my male diaper too. 

Grade **1/2

American Pickers- And while we're talking about geeks, here's two. These two junk moguls are known as "pickers" and that term mean scouring garages, sheds and barns of remnants of "yesterday." In short, these guys troll junk for cash. To be honest, Mike Wolfe (the tall one) and his friend Frank Fritz are very astute at what they do. When you see these two, it's pretty much "lights out" for your finery. They'll root your house from stem to stern--the only thing left? What your wearing.

Modus Operadi: Pouting, tantrum throwing, buying unnecessary items to get closer to the "big prize."

Grade ***

Upcoming: The Decline of Storage Wars....

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