American Idol: The Day The World Was Changed Forever Ever

Did you hear the news? Well I heard the news on the Walter Cronkite program. It looks like we are losing not one but two of the Amercian Idol judges. I can barely type for all of the tears on my rickety ol' keyboard. This is truly a game changing day. Let's recap and hopefully grow from this horrible experience...






Look, there's Miss Ellen, Miss Ellen's a nice lady. Guess what? Ellen DeGeneres doesn't/didn't know a damned thing about musical talent. What was her qualification? Nothing. The past season with Ellen's corny business helped to take away whatever dignity the show had left. It's maxed out now. The good news is that Ellen knew she wasn't serving any real purpose and she cleared out her desk and headed for home. But sadly, she stole a stapler on her way out--very small...







What happened with Kara Dioguardi was far more sinister. Kara actually was in the show with Paula Abdul, the first year they had four judges. Despite protestations of the contrary, Kara seemed and looked like an Abdul replacement. It was a good idea, you know, in case Paula went off during a live broadcast and had to be tasered or something. This bright idea had kinks  After Paula left, Kara (an actually talented person) was assigned the role of Simon's foil, the straight person--it didn't work. Also she had no chemistry with Cowell or Randy Jackson (Michael's cousin.) Matter of fack, Kara came off crazy obnoxious during the past season with her critiques of my favorite Siobhan Magnus. See Kara, look what happened? All that sass talk about my Siobhan didn't mean you no good! Why am I talking like this? According to reports, Kara was axed to leave.

Look kids, it's Kind-Of Fats Domino...

Talk about hiring n' firing and retooling, they should have started with this guy. Randy really hasn't had anything to say of any importance in about 20 doggone years. You know what? It doesn't matter. He's still there collecting that check and trying to foist vulgar mediocrities like Kris  Kris Allen and Lee DeWyze on an exhausted public. Randy's cartoon critiques with a half-awake and lying Simon Cowell made for brutal TV. You know what? I've actually seen Randy bash fairly good performances for the sake of ratings and drama. Look at that face? He can't be trusted with bag of old newspapers let alone with nurturing deserving young talent. I've been hearing a lot about Randy Jackson's music career and I've got to say I'm not impressed. Randy was never as talented as his brothers, especially Jermaine, it's time for him  to "explore other opportunities."

Mel Gibson's Greatest Hits (And Some That Will Be)

(Jason takes off headphones and looks at the camera) Oh hi, (fake laugh) I was just listening to this great new album called Mel Gibson's Greatest Hits (And Some That Will Be). He's a cut up! Let's review a few of the core tracks that are taking this world by storm. Mel's quotes are in bold and in italics.

Note: Some is edited, some isn't, the gist of this crazy man's ranting is still in full effect...





Yes you fucking do, you go out in public and it's a fucking embarrassment to me. You look like a ---- bitch in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of ----it'll be your fault. All right? Because you provoked it. You are provocatively dressed all the time, with your fake boobs, you feel you have to show off in tight outfits and tight pants (garbled) you can see your----- from behind. And that green thing today was enough. That's provocative. OK? I'm telling you. I'm just telling you the truth! I don't like it. I don't want that woman. I don't want you! I don't believe you anymore. I don't trust you, I don't love you. I don't want you. OK?

Hold up, hold up... Well isn't this a landmine of insults. So many offenses, so little time. First off, check out that abusive language. He's chastising Oksana for basically looking like what attracted him in the first place. Revolting. And what about Mel's fan fiction involving a pack of "N's." Nice going. Love how "pack" is used like there's a bunch of marauding black men hanging around break dancing and drinking 40's all to bide time until they attack Oksana Grigorieva, or as I call her Oskana Goreskova.

“I deserve to be blown first! Before the f*cking Jacuzzi! Ok, I’ll burn the goddamn house up, but blow me first! How dare you!??!”

Dig that! You know Mel Gibson had been the kind of man women wanted to "hang out" with. Hopefully they can shake off that dream and move on to men who don't hit their girlfriend's when they are holding a baby. Yikes! And just think, all of those years of him being married to his first wife and living with those 115 kids, you never heard a peep of bad press. Well, some but not like this. It's so interesting, I can't stop reading this junk...


"I sold it because of you, I don't have any fucking money! I have to support you, and everybody else. I have to sell paintings..."

Check out Mel crying poor. Now he's crying about Laker box seats. Clearly this harpy has blown through millions of dollars. At last report Mel is worth 950 million dollars. You know how much that is? A lot. A shit ton. Of course Mr. Congeniality had to give millions of dollars to his first wife as part of divorce settlement. Too damn bad. Mel's also got a creepy church that's costed (correct usage) him 5.1 million dollars. He does have money, he's not poor, Mel's not going to be selling his CD's or hitting the streets with a "shammy" and bucket of suds to wash cars for quite some time. And really who cares about them damn paintings? Debunked!


I loved you because I treated you with every kindness, every consideration, you rejected, you will never be happy. Fuck you! Get the fuck away from me. But my daughter is important. All right? Now, you have one more chance, and I mean it. Now fucking go if you want, but I will give you one more chance. (panting) You make me wanna smoke, you fucked my day up, you care about yourself …

Mel did a lot of panting in those tapes, a lot of screaming and some sniffing too. I hope he's not on that white powder! In that quote Mel comes off as such a selfish, myopic beastly human being. I don't know how anyone could stand him. Here's my 2 cents: Mel's always been like this. According to reports even during his salad days Gibson had a reputation for racial invective, a taste for prostitutes and he was known to smell really, really bad. Sad....


The Damages: The tapes also further demonstrated a pathological misogyny, more racial stuff (this time blacks and Latinos caught it). We all know how Mel felt about the Jews during his 2006 arrest. For all of the shouting about doctored tapes, spliced 8 tracks and phony voices, this is Mel Gibson, and he's disgusting.


The Fallout: Believe it or not Mel dropped me a line and said that he enjoyed my blog. I had to take draconian measures and ban Mel Gibson from my blog. It's the right thing to do!

Abby

Abby- Abby crazies! That’s basically it. This 1974 movie is also known as the Black Exorcist, which is what this movie is. Abby tells the odd tale of a young woman who gets possessed by a sass talking demon. The star of this is Carol Speed. Speed, an odd yet cute woman, was perfect for this. Like Sally Field in Sybil, I think Carol was a bit "off" so it made this even better.

The most hilarious thing here is who is enlisted for help here, William Marshall of Blacula fame. You know times are hard when William Marshall is the voice of reason. Marshall played, Bishop Garnet Williams, the father of Abby's put-upon husband. In fact, it's "Dad's" dealings in Africa that caused the demons to attack Abby in the laundry room. With his Shakespearean air and booming voice, Marshall simultaneously elevates the proceedings and turns it even closer to camp.  Not to be outdone by any of Abby’s witticisms, Marshall as ‘dad’ gets to say the classic, “Hear me demon, leave this woman body!” That's no typo, it was "woman." Clearly William wasn't having his best day during the filming.

This movie has similar undercurrents of a lot of black movies of the day. The "good" guys Emmett and Abby's brother, were insanely boring. I really wanted the demons possessing Abby's body to kill them both instead of either shaming them or tossing them around like so much confetti. Also the "cool cats" are nothing but caricatures. Great!

The last scenes were enough to make a grown man cry. All of the principles gathered at a seedy bar where Abby was giving it up for cheap and dancing to the music on the record machine. Emmett and Abby's brother were ineffectual as ever at taming this crazy woman. Enter the big gun: Dad. Marshall came to the party with a cross and when things got really sticky, he changed into a dashiki and a little ol' hat to let the demon know he meant big business! (Spoiler alert) The demon eventually smoked out and left Abby's body. She was back to being a lovable madcap again. Marshall offer no big goodbyes, just caught the first thing smoking back to Africa.

Part 2: If there was a laugh factor in seeing William Marshall as Terry Carter's dad, it should have been. There was only 5 years between the two. 5 years.

While the American International movies were often "low-budget" this was more so and really didn't need to be.

William Marshall was reportedly upset with this movie (really, he was Blacula) while he was the ultimate professional, he looked crazy bored in the majority of his scenes.

***

Engelbert Humperdinck-Release Me b/w The Spanish Night Is Over

Oh hi. Would you believe I finally saw these videos? I don't know what the hold up was, well anyway, here's two lost classics from 1985 and 1986 respectively


Engelbert Humperdinck-Release Me. Release you? How about "Please Kill Me..." 1985 was an interesting year in pop culture. The first alien from another planet touched down on US soil. The kids were texting, yak yaking on the answer phone and doing the Charleston. And of course, Engelbert Humperdinck was riding the charts. What!?!? (insert screeching tires sound.) Actually the opposite was true. According to the press reports, Humperdinck was gearing himself up for an acting career. He let his freak flag fly, grew his hair out into a mullet and acquired a mustache. Take a look at that nasty thing, it looks like the left over fur of a mouse wedged behind the fridge. Other than that he's looks great.

This is a dreaded re-recording of his 1810 hit, "Release Me." Engelbert had to take it to the video age with this oh-so gauzy dreamlike mid '80s night/day mare. I'm still aghast at that blousy pink shirt and those Dad Jeans. Hey Pops, you snoring over there? His leading ladies aren't great here either, they look like B movie doxies or they're just dressed that way. Dreadful all around.

**








Engelbert Humperdinck-The Spanish Night Is Over Now this is better. Engelbert apparently arrested his tum-tum bloat and is looking like, well, a jewel thief on an episode of Matt Houston. After his soap opera/movie star dreams came tumbling down, he got back to the business of entertaining us with unwarrantably old-timey and upsetting fare. And will you check out those specs around 0:24. I've got to tell you it's a joy to see put Engelbert putting on a fashion clinic, those threads! He must have really went off at Chess King. Are my eyes deceiving me or am I seeing Chams de Baron or the related style. Whatever it is, it's cool--you know the ladies still like men who dress like this, for Halloween

The song is a bit on the fatuous side. By this point, Dinck seemed to give up all aspirations of doing gunk like this seriously hence the cheesy grins, unctuous manner and boorish delivery. What there any other way? That said I'm a big fan, oddly I really am.

***1/2 The half is earned for those happening clothes.