Tuesday, August 04, 2009

I Hate My Television

It would come to this, a boring misanthrope would finally reach his limit. I can't stand TV anymore, there's a myriad of reasons, here's a few.

The Saved by the Bell Reunion: Look a' there, it's Mr. Belding and Screech. It seems that both of them are not to be included in the upcoming Saved by the Bell Reunion. I'm devastated. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. I don't know what that means either. The reasons why these two aren't invited are many, ranges in the thousands. As we remember Dennis Haskins played the principal of Bayside. He wasn't at the Max, over in Jessie's room or hanging out with Zack. Wait a minute he was. Dustin "Screech" Diamond's had his own share of problems. The big one? He's a total creep.

Fun Fact: According to the IMDB, both Haskins and Diamond appeared in close to 80 episodes of Saved by the Bell: The New Class. It ran from 1993 to 2000.

Kendra- I was channel surfing and I caught this mini-train wreck. I wanted to continue to watch but I couldn't do it. This a show about a Playmate or something. Any hoo, when I turned on Kendra she was calling Hef to let him know she was pregnant. Ol' Hef was putting on airs, acting like he barely knew who Kendra was. To whom am I speaking? Har har. While he put up a brave face, I bet Hef was saddened that the a man 57 years his junior whisked away one of his concubines. Between you and me I bet Hugh's sad he got that vascomy too.

Diana Dimond- Lord have mercy. Looks like Michael Jackson going toes up brought this wreck out of storage. Fans of Michael Jackson and trash tv should know this face. Dimond's a dour woman, the only time she expresses genuine human emotion is when she talks about suspicious bric-a-brac found at Michael's house. Entertainment Tonight (for some reason) has made her the resident Jackson expert. Like that show isn't crappy enough.

Billy Mays- We lost Billy Mays a while back. Clearly that's not going to stop him from showing up on TV for the definite future. Billy sold a lot of stuff, I thought it was all Oxy Clean, because of the shirt. I'm particularly taken with a new product, Jupiter Jack. It's apparently a hands-free apparatus, you plug this into your phone, set the radio dial on 99.3--and magic's supposed to happen. You hear someone talking on the phone where George Benson should be: Your car stereo speakers. Perhaps Billy was gearing up for some product that going to knock us out, that's why he had to bide his time with this Carol Wright garbage. Not much else to say except that seeing Billy whiz around town not talking on his phone--at this point, is totally creepy.
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