Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Pop Culture Idiot Achiever Of The Minute: Vanilla Ice

Oh hi. Good news? The charges were dropped. Anyway I've been thinking a lot about Vanilla Ice lately. I had the good fortune to hear his 1991 classic, "Cool as Ice." Why that wasn't a bigger hit, I'll never know. Of course in the ensuing years Rob Van Winkle has also been responsible for some of my favorite TV moments.

Idiot Flashback: Ice bellowed, "...This is what I'm talking 'bout!" And then proceeded to destroy stuff, including Chris Kattan...

A good idea gone horribly wrong. For 1999's MTV program 25 Lame, Janeane Garofalo, Jon Stewart, Denis Leary and Chris Kattan all got together to crack jokes on videos in the MTV catalogue. Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" was one of them. Unlike your Billy Squier, Journey or Gerardo; Ice decided to fall by to personally retire his video. Not good. It seems the chortles in the air caused Ice to snap and he did destroy his video--and and much of the 25 Lamest Videos set.

The Lowdown: It was at this point we discovered Vanilla Ice had anger management issues...

A loving picture between two icons? Not quite. As a member of the Surreal Life house, vanilla Ice did seem to come to terms with his legacy. That didn't prevent him from riding a fellow icon like a pony however. The Surreal Life cast/house mates were giving an assignment in a LA restaurant. The boss for the day? Gary Coleman. In the epitome of padding his part, Coleman acted like a grueling taskmaster. Vanilla Ice? The "employee" derelict in his duty. Ice mocked Coleman, wanting to hear Gary say his Diff'rent Strokes era punchline. At the same time, people wanted Ice to embrace his past. Vanilla wasn't there yet as pictured, Vanilla Ice is a jerk.

What Would Freud Say: Don't need to be Dr. Scholls to tackle this one. Teasing Coleman was a way for Ice to build up his flagging self-esteem. Ice felt "empowered" but missed the opportunity to dialogue with his equally crazy counterpart. This fiasco presented Coleman a missed opportunity of doing what some of us would like to do: Kick Vanilla Ice between his wickets.

Wow, he's not cool...
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