Saturday, November 26, 2005

Annoying Commercials Part 134,300 and a Half

More commercial annoyances have proven that I'm such a little man, pretty soon you're going to need a jeweler's glass just to see me. This is yet more stuff I just can't stand...

Tyson's Chicken: The Basketball Commercial: I hoping I was going to delivered from this spot by any means possible, nothin' doin'. This is a chicken commercial and giving the "sporty" atmosphere it probably has to be nugglets or dreaded chicken patties. What's happening in the kitchen isn't all that important, the action's on the court. These annoying kids are playing basketball and ma makes a shot and says in some odd accent, "...This is Momma's house." Good grief. Despite her skill at besting kids who are 4 feet tall, I don't think she's going to be in the WNBA anytime soon.

Payback for abusing her kids on a makeshift basketball court...

Reminiscing while washing rank gym clothes: You've seen this spot. Some mom is trying to boo hoo over her child getting older. How does that song go? "...He'll always be my little man, so hard to say goodbye..." Either say goodbye or don't, good lord, it's Tide--who cares. Such an artistic slant for a detergent that hasn't cut the mustard in close to a decade. You know what I want to hear? "This actually takes out stains." That's it.

Hormel: Magical Beans:On one commercial I see Hormel product appearing and disappearing on shelves. There are also totally bogus "happy" eaters looking at their cans of Hormel stuff lovingly. That's not my experience with it. For me, this stuff comes out of the can gummy with a film not unlike what's found in dog food. Practically everyone has mastered the edible canned food concept better than these guys. As for "special powers?" Nah, can't think of one...

Another Frightening Mascot, The Halls Wolf: Remember those days were having a cold was illustrated in simple terms like, having a cold? Now Halls has up the ante and have created a community of wolves and pigs. I've seen this and I don't know what kind of cough drops this company is selling, I see that wolf hybrid in that exercise gear and I've got fresh nightmares all lined up.

Ponch Estrada Looking Like A Jackass: Yeah let's watch Poncherello try to sell land that was probably covered with police lines. Despite a stint on VH-1's The Surreal Life, it seems that Estrada has been at sixes and sevens. Problem solved. It looks like he's gone back to his bread and butter, real estate commercials featuring land going for cheap and Estrada pleading like he's trying to get off death row. Like the rest of us I was hypnotized by the festive print of Erik's shirts, but I read between the lines and saw tons of red tape. Don't know what land he's selling, don't care where--Estrada's commercials are the best of a worst lot.
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