Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Pop Culture Idiot Ye Old Shoppe Of Crap

What's your pleasure? I've got Floyd working y'all and this time he's not working the streets. Floyd has a lot of time on his hands these days since Mount Pilot opened up a Hair Cuttery. I needed a pitchman for my new endeavor. Floyd was only too happy to oblige. Thank you Floyd. Here's a few of the product we have to offer...

Joy- You remember this stuff. This hasn't been off the shelves that long, well the classic yellow bottle and the molasses like dishwashing detergant has. With a new bottle came a diluted Joy. This stuff was thick and the noxious odor that emitted from the yellow cap let everyone know it was working "real good." To keep up with the variety's craze that's struck dishwashing liquid, Joy now comes in Ocean Breeze, Nigara Falls, Almost Clean, etc. Not anything as the original though.

Musterole- Musterole was basically horseradish and a punch in the nose as a cold remedy. This was potent stuff, it would pretty much open your head and alter your dream patterns. And yeah, the “Muster” part of Musterole did indeed mean mustard. That’s awful reassuring and explains tons.

Orudis KT- Now this came on like gangbusters. I got tired of Tylenol and especially the White Rabbit flashbacks/stomach pangs the PM edition could bring. Orudis KT was going be the wave of the future, until you took it that is. For me, it was one dose—and that’s all she wrote, it never, ever worked again. But I’ve got loads of it here at the sto’. Let Floyd go and get you some. If he falls down or something climbing over the boxes, just walk away.

Kaopectate- This was so popular it was talked about on the Sugarhill Gang’s seminal rap hit, “Rapper’s Delight.” In the song, Kaopectate offered “quick relief” after your friend’s mother’s horrible meal. Now when did that happen in real life? In my personal experience Kaopectate just seemed to hasten what ever distress you were suffering from. Got to like the “smoother” taste caption on the bottle--that means it possibly tasted less like throw up. Believe it or not, they still make this stuff but it has totally "fallen off" as the kids say.
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