Wednesday, November 02, 2011

X Factor- How 17 Turned Into 12

Well it's come to this, a show with so much promise. Here's a recap of the first live show (October 25th)  that resulted in the first eliminations in the finals round. Do you remember? We were young and innocent then... Here's what our evil judges had to contend with...

L.A. Reid-What a rag taggle group LA put together. As if you didn't need the heads up, Astro the Rapping 14 Year Old is an alien. That's why his rapping over a 123 year old Kris Kross song makes perfect sense. He's going to learn even the most fetid parts of our culture, go back to his home planet and push a big red button. Chris Rene sang too! Really he looked like a little street urchin Will finds on a very special episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. tIreDZzz!!

That's not it for LA's frightening cavalcade of talent. Little Phillip Lomax show up to the party party. Can I say I never liked him. Lomax seems to be part of the retro-nouveau hat brigade. You know, say you like Frank Sinatra, wear a little hat--and be totally sucky. And that's what Lomax did that night. LA put him in the suicide slot and made him sing, "I'm a Believer" without his dome cover. Doom... Got to say Phillip was a bit pissy....

Dismissed: Phillip Lomax

Paula Adbul- Let's face it, Paula had the crap category. A Facebook friend of mine tweet at me that Blue Magic was going to happen by and sang. I watched and there was no Blue Magic to be found. Unfriended! You know Paula's problem, she's got even more bodies to unload. The country girls Lakota Rayne sang that old chestnut, "Come on Eileen." Goody... Paula also had a group of dudes called the Stereohoggz. Who's that? Who's there? They are an acrobatic lot, they did everything but get into life-size Chesterfield boxes and do a can-can. Still, I don't care. They're no Blue Magic!

Dismissed: Someone

.Nicole Scherinzger-This young lady had some working to do! Everyone was talking about what a boffo Ms. Rinzger did with the geriatric division and now it was her time to be a dream destroyer. Leroy Bell sang "Wow, This Is Draggy Ass Song." You know what? I've got albums with Leroy Bell writing credits going back 50 years. Didn't he sing with Tommy Dorsey? In startling passive-aggressive news, Nicole botched Dexter Haygood's chances by giving him a Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl." You know? It kind of loses it's meaning when it's sung by a 49 year old man.

Dismissed: Dexter Haygood

Simon Cowell-Let's remember the real Simon Cowell and not this lost person... I've got to admit it, it was joyful to see his two science experiments tumble down to the ground like so much Skylab. Simon's Girls, Tiah Tolliver and Simone Battle both turned in wretched performances.Tolliver screeched over "Sweet Dreams" and the set looked like something from that horrible play in "Stayin' Alive." That child can't sing, that's pretty much it, isn't it? Not so fast. Simone Battle had to mess stuff up too! She sang "Just Be Good to Me" and you should have seen Simon's expression/reaction shot. He knew "hisself" that it was so Oversville.True story: Simon Cowell peed his pants after the "performance." That little midget Rachel Crow sang something, so did like Drew Ryniewicz. Did you know that Drew dropped her last name? Who does she think she is?

Dismissed: Tiah Tolliver and Simone Battle.
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