Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Talk

I had to tear myself away from Dr. Oz and his Rorschach/Poop Test to watch a train wreck. But first I had a plaintive question and it was simple: Where's Dr. Ben Harris, John Dixon, Jack n' Carly, Fake Lily and Fake Craig? They're nowhere. As the World Turns has been canceled for this, this, oh god whatever it is....

The problems with this show are many not few. The View is not only a reference point but a guiding principle. The Talk's set looks like upchucked old View sets from years gone by. By the same token this looks like an ABC product, not a CBS show. Nice. The "hosts" here are a problem too. You've got Julie Chen, Sharon Osbourne, Holly Robinson-Peete, Sara Gilbert, Leah Remini and Marissa Jaret Winkour. Oh really? All six? Thrilling. That's a whole team of chatter and guess what? Zero chemistry. Zero. It's all fake, canned and didn't Sharon Osbourne hate Holly Robinson on the Apprentice? I thought so too.

It was hard for me to keep my lunch down after hearing snippets of Leah Remini's unfunny stories. Even worse? Julie Chen and Holly Robinson-Peete gabbing about their old men. We even got clips of family members wishing the hosts well. The worst being the always revolting Les Moonves. Disgusting. You know he canceled As the World Turns with such glee. But that's not all...

 Through my tears of agony I saw Christine Brinkley appear as the first guest. What's she promoting? Not a damned thing apparently. She was talking foolishness about her daughter ("She doesn't look like me?!) No kiddin'. I'm sure her daughter appreciated that and chatter about her suicide attempt to boot! God.. Sadly I'd like to say I watched the whole thing but I didn't. By 2:50 I was back watching Dr. Oz scare people in the nicest language ever.

 Why This Didn't Work: Take a look at the pic, there's nothing here to work. What made the original View work was the differences of life experience of the hosts. Most were known and successful in their field. Some of these the Talk ladies, (god bless them) are actually teetering on has-been dom, hard and fast.

It's a Show About Nothing: The early View had a purpose, shows like the Talk, the Other Half, Life and Style--don't. Even the soul-numbing, excruciating, The Doctors has some reason to exist. This show only exists because The View does, plain and simple.

 Grade **

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