Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Characters I Hate

I feel happy to be liberated by this declaration. Times have changed. We're all smoking the peace pipe and feeling good! This is the perfect occasion for me to talk about my hatred for dreadful characters. This is only a few...

Mr. Slate-The Flintstones. The archetypal ass riding boss, I found Slate to be totally unlikable as a actor and idea. From this pic, you can see how they tired to make Slate at least a bit interesting, but he always was a blowhard. I hate his face! Nice tie though...

"Ahh, this fool..." Howard Sprague. Howard Sprague. Sometimes I think of what kind of cluster f caused this infinitely boring, kill joy character to even be hatched. We had to be punished by Gomer leaving. Then came the body blow of losing Barney Fife. On top of Andy's corny new partner we also got a ton of Howard Sprague. I hated every minute of it and I'll tell the world, I hate Howard Sprague.

An Explanation: That was me two minutes ago and I still hate him. While Jack Dotson was a talented actor, the writers clearly did nothing with his character. He was a nice guy, therefore written as a wimp, just there. The world deserved better, he deserved better.

Lisa Taylor- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. From the chemistry Nia Long and Will Smith had in Made in America, you'd think this would be easy. It wasn't. Lisa Wilkes was another poorly thought out character who served little purpose besides giving Will "the business."

The Colletral Damage: About as funny as piles, the Lisa character all but emasculated the Will Smith character to the point where it never really came back. The final season had Will torching Uncle Phil's kitchen like Corky and had him being Little Nicky's verbal punching bag. Nice..

Fun Fact: Jada Pinkett tested for the role of Lisa and didn't get it. Damn it, I'm still mad.

Robert Barr-Santa Barbara- Yeah I watch soap box operas! This character was dreadful. According to the Wikipedia's Barr's stay was brief, but it seemed like a hundred years. Long story short, Barr's character created complications for my beloved Eden Capwell and her husband A Martinez. During this time the show also went through an awful executive producer change, Mason No 2 and putrid writing. Barr was killed by someone but his twin Quinn stayed on. Oh god. The damage was done, to Eden and Cruz's marriage and frankly to the show. Robert Barr=Show Killer.

Well, well, well... Here's a pic of Marcy Walker as Eden Capwell Now that was a great character, well until she turned into her dead brother and tried to kill her mom. We all have our crosses to bear....

Pictured Dr. Death and Zagreb, two former football players who now spend their time in the same mental institution.

Zagreb-1st and Ten
- Ooh wee, talk about a character to hate, it's all there on the right side of the pic. Zagreb played the placekicker on the classic HBO series and sadly I've seen every episode. The character was played by a talented guy, John Kassir and to his credit he helped craft one of the most annoying, expedient, grating fictional people, ever.

Fan Fiction: I have dreams of choking Zagreb with the 1st and Ten theme song playing in the background.
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