Monday, December 03, 2007

Junk From the Grocer's Shelves

Oh hi. I was out shopping with Scatman Crothers again. It's been my regret that some products never had aggressive ad campaigns. You know what's worse? Products that fade from the TV airwaves like Tang and Tarn-X. And for the record, I did enjoy that short-lived Tang/Tarn-X drink mix. Good drinking!

Now here's a blast from the past. Would you believe they still actually make this stuff? Who knew. Again, here's a product I haven't seen a commercial for in close to 100 years. Time is funny. I thought that this "antiseptic gel" was for cold sores, herpes, general tooth aches. Heh, no wonder why Orajel didn't work on my twisted ankle...

Dream Slogan: "When you hurted yourself, there was always Campo Fenique."

I knew that the world was changing when I didn't see any more spots for Dreft. Dreft has been around for eons and when you smell it, you think of covered wagons, homemade ice cream, the ancient ruins, you know, simpler times. I don't think any hi-tech commercial will make this junk seem new.

Tag Line: "Dreft: Smells like old man..."

"All day/All night/Octagon..." Now that's an impressive little ditty and unfortunately it's something we never heard. During the '70s and '80s you'd always seen a lot of Colgate/Palmolive products with hi-tech ads but I never good ol' Octagon. It remains the perfect choice on those days you're down to pennies and don't want to wash your dishes with shampoo.

Made-Up Slogan: "...Hey, Big Spender, spring for the extra 50 cents and get something that actually works..."

This is the good stuff. If you ever want any household odor to be covered up by a worse household odor, you need Arm & Hammer spray. I find Arm and Hammer Natutal Fresh the smart choice. It's great for when you want to gussy up your ramshackle docile for big business in the bathroom or elsewhere.

Company Spin: "The same smell you remember, powdery shit."

Everyone loves Tang. Tang was created in the '50s and hit the shelves in 1959. I'd say it hit its peak in the '70s and all of the cool houses had that glass jar of goodness. The aftertaste? Just a part of life. For some ungodly reason Tang has held steady making it through Hawaiian Punch in the big can years to the juice box era. Despite its sales, I haven't seen a commercial for this in a long time.

Update: The makers of Tang recently changed the recipe, subtracting the overwhelming sugar quotient and adding artifical sweetners. To me, it still tastes as fake as it always did just less good.

Truth in Advertising: Aspartame and Fruition will kill us all.
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