Mariah Carey Joins American Idol

Did you hear the latest? Mariah Carey is joining American Idol. Oh goodness! This would have been good news for me during her pre-breakdown days.Now, I don't care. I knew this was coming. I saw Mariah's little boy Nick talking about American Idol, Mariah and how much money it would take to get her there. Clearly the numbers added up, Carey will be getting $17 million a year and 25% of the American Idol merchandising. Everyone loves their Kara DioGuardi steins!


What She Gets Out of It: You know, they asked Katy Perry about joining but she said something about not being washed up yet (heh, just wait.) Carey's been on the verge of being washed up for years but a song, a touch, a whisper, snatches her back from being on Celebrity Big Brother. This will probably be good for her. For us? Who knows...

Look Who's Might Be Leaving Staying- As soon as grizzled war vets, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler decided to hurl their last grenade, that left Stout Randy Jackson there to judge the show all by his lonesome. But then again, according to rumor, the producers at American Idol were waiting for him to leave gracefully. Sadly it's a moment that's yet to come. And guess what? My staff did some sleuthing and told me that Randy Jackson is actually Mariah Carey's manager now. Oh kill me now...

Nev'r Forget: While the news has been filled with Tom Cruise, Ann Curry and Savannah Guthrie's migraines, this is the only news of the century. American Idol lost two of its best adequate judges, Steven Tyler and that lady from all of those bad movies. These two came on the American Idol crime scene in 2011 and pretty much helped to further destroy a once promising franchise. The American Idol winners crowned under the Steven Tyler/Jennifer Lopez seasons include both Scott McCreery and Phil Phillips. So yeah, they basically did nothing their entire time there.

Isn't That Nice: Steven Tyler was the first to leave. He went to the main office, turned in his books and left a mix tape on his friend Jennifer's desk. Jennifer was so overcome she decided to leave too and said of their chemistry, "We had magic." Jason thinks of them both and gets a headache.