Monday, February 23, 2009

Commercial Endorsements

You'd think commercials would improve a little bit. They haven't. With a few exceptions, they're all awful--and that's not hyperbole.

Mandy Moore- Gain- I like Mandy Moore a lot. She's cute, seems like an old-soul and likes cleaning products. Moore's ad campaign consists of an internets presence, a song giveaway and a lucky person gets her to give a concert. I have to admit I love this ad. The frowny faces, the affirmative nods, it's all so Mandy Moore-y.

Of course the odd part of this is the fact that Moore is engaged to singer Ryan Adams. I've never heard his work, don't care to really. Hilariously enough he's known as one of the grungiest guys ever, way beyond Gain's capabilities. In fact Mandy might need 20 Mule Team Borax to get out Ryan's miscellaneous stains.

Alan Thicke-Tahiti Village- While his son Robin is boring the world with his Marvin Timberlake impression, Pops has got to cover his car note. This commercial is one, unfortunate way for Alan Thicke to cash money. This cock and bull getaway to Vegas is one of the most obnoxious ads I've seen in a while. It's basically a three-day, two night excursion and Thicke does the commercial with the hoary delivery of a carnival barker. And to add insult to injury, it's couples only so I can't go. Damn you Alan Thicke, I like to gamble too!

Tony Orlando- Romancing the '70s- Not him again. One night I reading 35 year old porn magazines and watching infomercials when I saw this guy: Tony Orlando. He was hosting one of those horrible Time-Life commercials. What a groan fest. In this lovingly crafted 250,000 song set, Tony's probably responsible for 3 of the most corny ones. As a host Orlando is smarmy, a little boring and obvious. In short, he's perfect as a pitchman.

Ed McMahon and MC Hammer- Cash 4 Gold. This is all class. Given the eeriness of the very idea of this tragedy, there's a requisite commercial where both of these fools make perfect jackasses of themselves. Y gads.

MC Hammer portion of the commercial has him spinning around like a buffoon holding trinkets that could be translated into cash. In his dreams. He even had the nerve enough to say, "Ta Dow" like it's still 1995 or something. And there's Ed McMahon. His business mistakes have become his new source of income. This is a man who was on Johnny Carson, Star Search, F-Ups, Bloops and Blunders and now he's running around with a pliers and yanking the gold teeth out out of people's mouths for spending change. Yeah, listen to both of these guys for monetary advice.

Put that fake paper down, no one cares...

Jamie Lee Curtis- Activia- The patron saint of irregularity.
How in the heck did this happen? One minute I was having fun watching her on Anything But Love and then she became the YogurtLady. Who knows how this transpired but know we are left with a truly odious campaign that has women all but doing the Lindy over having doing Number 2. And doesn't all yogurt taste like crap anyway? And no that wasn't planned.
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