Sunday, August 21, 2005

Pop Culture Idiot Finder

Having this blog has given me the great fortune of meeting some great folks all over the world. I'm glad about it, now everyone knows how munificent I am. Now it's time to pay it forward and help me find these people I call "friend."

Pop Hansen
I'm looking for the gentleman pictured above, Pop Hansen. The last I heard from him, he was shot in his yard for no apparent reason. When he recovered, he suffered a major personality change and began to frighten his family members with his short fuse and his propensity to tumble down the stairs. Although we thought Pop Hansen was out of the woods, he wasn't. The last I heard, he had put his belongings on a stick and was ridin' thumb.

Update: Don't fall for that "Mike Farrell as" part of the pic. They're playing guessing games, they don't want us to find Pop Hansen.

Ask Jeeves: Once a fixture on the net, Jeeves has been keeping a low profile due in part to complaints that his directions lead "nowhere." The notion that's he's "corny" and "totally not real" have also been bandied about. On this score I'm not just asking for you, I'm asking for me. Jeeves was supposed to "come aboard" and work solely for my blog. In response to my e-mail query and contract I got a message that said, "F you" and "Search this." Must have been a mistake, that's not Jeeves...

Update: Elton Jones Found! See, here's something for the doubters. Since I started this blog, readers have implored me to find one person. And we're happy to say, we've found him. Elton Jones. Jones was the tough but fair boss for the kids on Real World: New Orleans. We felt bad we had to say goodbye to the cast mates, even worse when we bid adieu to Elton. His obsequious boss-speak, his line of total BS simply made him gosh darned special. Here's Elton in a recent pic with Miss Virginia Reddy. See, dreams do come true!

In a related story, Melissa from the Real World: New Orleans cast recently stated that she thought a few of the peripheral characters were staged. The main offender? Elton Jones. That's crazy, in fact I think it's Melissa who doesn't exist. What? What? See anything?

And before you think I'm Superman or anything, I didn't do this alone. I did it with the help of my friend, Sherlock Holmes. Serendipity. Sherlock Holmes is the textbook person you think of when trying to find someone. Damned if he's not missing now too...
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