X Factor-The Final 17

Oh hi. For some reason, I've been watching this show called the X-Factor. Being a no-talent myself, I love to see folks with talent n' dreams go for it and have fun. When I first started watching this weird show, it was like 1,32030 people there. Little by little they were all either executed or sent to a special island to participate in death matches. The judges all got their own category to judge from. Since this was so arduous, the 4 judges needed an industry friend to help destroy dreams. This is how the 32 finalists got trimmed to 16 or 17. Let's recap and remember. What a great time we all had.






LA Reid- The Boys- You know I'm an old. I remember when LA was a young man hisself, with a group called the Deele. He and his friend Babyface took the world by storm with a pocketful of dreams and a soaking wet head of jheri curls. As you can see, time has taken a toll on his hair. It's gone! You know what else is gone? LA Reid's mind. Since his cognitive facilities aren't what they used to be, he enlisted help of the lovely Miss Rhianna to help.


The Style: After a bunch of corny performances, the criminal who gave us Kristy McNichol Justin Bieber had to deliver good and bad news. Really, LA is so obnoxious that really the ones who didn't win were the better to be rid of him. Rhianna proved herself to be very canny, bright and mean. I like that!

Final Picks- Marcus Canty, Phillip Lomax, Chris Rene, Brian Bradley

Lef' Behind- Nick Voss- Voss was the young man who crossed TV biopic Elvis with Vanilla Ice and Michael Jackson. Blech!

Nicole Scherzinger-Over 30's- What a simpatico mix of judge and contestant. If there's anyone who knows how it is to be an Over 30 year old male in the business, it's Nicole Scherzinger. Oddly enough Nicole is very wise beyond her years. To make things better she's paired with Julio Iglesias's boy Emilio, Louis, John Enrique. Let the judging begin.

The Style: For the most part, Nicole was patient with that ragtaggle army that performed before her. Make no mistake, some of our friends like the wedding singer and the burrito maker had seen better days. Leroy Bell of Bell and James fame and Dexter Haygood from Xavion were part of the contestant. Ron Isley was set to audition by he was turned away at the last minute.

Final Picks: Dexter Haygood, Leroy Bell, Joshua Kracjik, Stacy Francis.

My Two Cents- I like Dexter Haygood and Stacy Francis the best. Scherzinger made a tough call sending Elaine Gibbs and James Kenney home, it was tough but fair...

Paula Abdul and Pharrell Williams- Group Competition- Any else creeped out by how lucid Paula Abdul is? I am but I'm not surprised. Her meds have been adjusted, she's back to new. Joining her to judge the groups was Pharrell Williams. I haven't seen him since 1999. To be honest, this was the proverbial short straw, no one cares about the group. They're all boring. No Temptations or Dixie Chicks to be found.

The Style: I could be mistaken but Paula seemed a little bored. I know I was. Thankfully she did cry with some of the folk she sent packing. That's class...

Final Picks: The Brewer Boys, Lakoda Rayne, The Stereo Hogzz, InTENsity.

Simon Cowell-The Girls- What a luck of the draw. The most impressionable category is being judged by a world renowned misanthrope. Call Dr. Phil! And guess what? There's no "co-judge" here. According to reports, Mariah Carey was supposed to help Simon in his duties but was detained by Hurricane Irene. Yeah right. Simon seemed almost too happy about this weather pattern and prayed that LA Reid would be claimed by 13 foot wave.





The Style: Unctuous? Simon cut a creepy figure in his slacks, bare feet and showboating Ray-Bans. Like everyone else, Simon had 8 women to choose from he also had his favorites, non-singers Tiah Tolliver and Simone Battle. Left alone to his own devices (with help from a few odd singing coaches) Simon made short work of a few of the more talented singers not only in his category but the competition as well. Simon's a fool!

Final Picks: Tiah Tolliver, Simone Battle, Drew Ryniewicz, Rachel Crow

Lef' Behind- Melaine Amaro and Jazzlyn Little- I've got to say I was devastated when Jazzlyn Little wasn't picked. She's such a talented singer, my favorite by far, I...









I,I,I...

It was going to be only 4 finalists but as the "head judge" Simon wanted a do-over because 2 of his finalists can't sing. This fool actually went to the Melanie Amaro's house and asked her to come back to the competition. She said yes! Simon is going to do this for the rest of the show, send Melanie Amaro home and then come back to get her. What fun!





Grade ***