The Gary Coleman Chronicles (For Fellow Dyslexics)

Oh hi. I was on my vacation (prison) when I got the stomach turning news about Gary Coleman. This is what I know so far.

Gary Coleman was in his Utah residence making a little 'ol "sammich for his wife when she heard a thump. Oh goodness. I bet Gary made some nice sandwiches too, was it liverwurst, pimpento loaf, we'll never know. Anyoo, his wife Shannon Price ran downstairs to see Gary on the floor  with blood running from his cranium/head. Price, clearly not a Mensa candidate, at least untangled her wires and called 911. From the call we hear she is afraid to act as a life saver and whatnot. She's afraid of blood and yells at Gary Coleman while his on the ground and stuff. From my investigations, I'm not sure Shannon put pressure on Gary's head or did anything helpful. The die was cast right there.The ambulance arrives, Price says at home...

Flash up to a little later. Coleman's not doing great. Shannon decides to pull the plug because Gary's injuries have alledgedly left him a vegetable, like Muhammad Ali. Oh, she's so learned. In the midst of all of this someone plays Scavullo and starts taking pics of Gary in his hospital state, Shannon is by his side...


In the days since his demise, his ex-wife has wanted money for interviews and for the pics of Gary connected to machines. Also the funeral is going to be a hefty bill that Shannon wants someone else to pay. To make matters worse, Coleman has apparently left a few wills. His former manager Dion Mial has one. Todd Bridges has a version. I've got one. Of course Shannon has one too that has Gary leaving everything to her. That's a shocker...



The Bright Side: There is none? Gary Coleman seems like the one entertainer who just couldn't find a long stretch of peace. He remained a punch line when he wasn't even an actor anymore and clearly didn't have the skill set to exist without entertainment and or the public (good and bad) making appearances in his everyday life. From the looks of it, he married a woman who actually had more problems than he did and all but begged him to work in circumstances that were psychologically destructive.

 Was He Pushed?: Here's a sticking point. Since Gary reportedly had a seizure condition, that might explain the fall yet little was said in this regard. What happened? Did Gary just lose his footing on a slippery floor with sandwich in hand or was it something more sinister. 

The Legacy: Who knows. Reportedly even Gary's train sets are up for fight too. While one of this wills leaves them to shops and businesses that Gary enjoyed, Shannon Price wants these too even though they fought over them.That's why I'm glad I'm not married, if something happened, my wife would sell my action figures. Oh no, please not my GI Joes (Jason chokes back a sob thinking about his "friends" being prepped for eBay....)

What I Think Should Happen: There's a lady named Anne Gray in the mix too, Gary left some shit, stuff to her too. Me? I'd split the will between Mial and Gray and wouldn't give Shannon one thin dime. Ha! I'm a romantic.