Just Shoot Me, Really...

They play this show on weekends in my area. Just being around for this lets me know my weekend's gone mighty wrong. The premise is simple. A feminist and bright writer Nina Gallo, played by Laura San Giacomo, takes her father’s offer and works with him at a magazine and gets a chance to reconnect. Despite the promise indicated by the cast, writers and producers, Just Shoot Me never really rose above a B- program.

That fact is a bit puzzling. The co-stars of the series were David Spade, Wendie Malick, Enrico Colantoni and George Segal. Unlike many of the like-minded series of the type, "Just Shoot Me’s" biggest oddity was the fact that the co-workers didn’t seem to really like one another. Certainly there was sentimentality on some given episodes, but the clear off-screen chemistry belied what was unfortunately on the page. Plus, "Blush" didn’t seem like a real magazine, the office, a real work place and Segal in particular seemed to be faxing it in. Those garish vests he sported on this didn't help either.

Those Last Episodes: During the later seasons the show tempted fate by employing Rena Sofer, a well known series killer of the highest order. Also there was this big doltish guy, and a burnt-out English rock star in the cast. NBC seemed to lose faith in this, especially when they moved it to Ferdsday's at 112 o'clock.

A Non-Speller's Secret Shame: I had a ton of fun with this one. Want to see a jerk in action? I originally spelled Giacomo, "Giancomo." Not enough? You know, I've always been a fan of Wendy Malick. Good lord...

A.C. Slater's Mullet

You know, I'd be remiss if I didn't give a shout-out to A.C. Slater. And when you think about A.C. Slater you automatically think of one thing: He had sex with Jessie Spano. No, not that. His mullet. But you know it's clear to me that his mullet helped him have sex with Jessie Spano. The ladies love mullets and Slater's was an A-1 classic, an AC Classic.

Just looking at this hair style we can see A.C. means business. Although some would call it a "danger zone" or might laugh and say it's "full of gunk," I don't listen to that loose talk. I also don't find humor in his acid-washed jeans either. I just don't!

Another day, another Tiffani-Amber Thiessen reference...

A Current Affair: Cancelled

Extra, Extra! A Current Affair with Tim Green has gotten the boot. First off it was pretty darned to resuscitate this loser in the first place. The original show ran from 1986-1996 and it was always bad. Certainly the hosts like Maury Povich, Bill O' Reilly, and Maureen O' Boyle achieved a type of notoriety, the show was always heavy-handed and a little seedy.

Those facts make it's revival even more jaw dropping. Presiding over this incarnation of the failure was Tim Green. Green is an ex-jock, played football. I know I've seen him anchor some sports program--he's not excatly the raconteur. For A Current Affair he was a leaden presence and way boring. Want to know something odd? Even a cursory look at his resume proves that Tim Green is a learned man. But on this? He sounded like a big, dumb galoot. In some more shocking news, shortly before it's debut A Current Affair boasted that it was not going to do stories on moronic celebs and salacious topics. In one show I managed to see a stomach turning wrestling/midget/sex fest and always moronic Paris Hilton. Given the lowered expectations and shambling proceedings, that was A Current Affair's best show.



What's replacing this: Fox is replacing A Current Affair with Geraldo Rivera's news program, Geraldo at Large. Oh that title. I don't know whether that's a threat or a grim reality...

An Idiot's Favorite Crappy Talk Shows

I feel kind of bad. I read that we had to bid toodles to the Larry Elder Show. What's worse? A Current Affair is going too. It made me think of even crappier programming. Well, that might be pushing it...


Believe it or not, that's not an infomercial, it's a pic from the long-gone Later Today. You'’ve got to love this one. Spending time watching Katie Couric and Matt Laurer wasn'’t enough? NBC decided to extend The Today Show by half-heartedly competing with the View. This debacle featured Jodi Applegate, Asha Blake and Florence Henderson. This was a horrible, horrible show...

What's Odd: What else? The gone gone went look in Florence Henderson's eyes....




The Other Half- Hey! Let's make a show like the View--but with guys! That's how this went. Hosts Dick Clark, Mario Lopez, Danny Bonaduce and plastic surgeon Jan Adams made up the "classic" lineup of this horrible program. Needless to say it didn't work. The Other Half had those chintzy production values and B list guests. The plastic surgeon guy was traded to the Yankees and Pirates for Craig Nettles. Actor Dorian Gregory replaced Adams and then it was Goodnight Irene.


Mr. Cuff Em' and Hunt Em' Down Like Dogs does daytime. It didn't work out especially well. The John Walsh Show debuted in 2003 with so-so build up and diminshing returns. In short, this was doomed from word go. Having a person like Walsh so connected with crimes a wee bit past heinous didn't excatly make America's brunch sit well. Although he's a veritable "dictionary book" of criminal terms, devices and escape routes, as for small talk with "inspiring" guests? Nothing doing. Speaking of crimes, NBC committed one on this--a mercy killing.




Kick It Up! With Ali and Jack was certainly channel surfing bait. What a travesty. You think Regis and Kelly are boring, you should have gotten a steaming load of this grade A bunk. "Ali" is of course is Alexandra Wentworth who spent a few seasons on the craptasic later version of In Living Color. Jack Ford was a serious newsman from NBC and ABC. Ford is reportedly no longer camera-friendly. All of the phony laughs he gave to Ali's "jokes" has turned his face into a ghoulish mask.

Pop Culture Idiot's Nifty Fashions

Hello again. I've got big plans for this blog, big plans. Well not really. In the interim I thought I'd salute those fashion icons, and how they all helped us to dress to impress.

Maury Povich is the perfect "before" and "after" example. See that's when Maury was a part of the establishment. I've got five words for you, drab, drab, drab. Maury looks a hot mess in that getup, doesn't he? That was before his sensibilities got informed by the "nightclubbing," and "discotheques." And the little boy as fashion accesory? Totally uncalled for.





That's what I'm talking about. You can go anywhere in the world with that outfit Maury Povich is wearing right there. Not only did he put up his self-negating anchorman togs, Maury's heightened savvy helped him to sign those big contracts. This is confidental info but me and Maury have a few projects "in the works."








Stefan Urquelle. Now that young man helped me raise my stakes in the fashion game. Under his tutelege I went from my silly uniform of T-shirt and jeans to jeans and a T-shirt. Every now and again he sends me an email asking about whether I'm looking "smooth" or not. When you think about it, his clothing sense helps to camouflage the fact that he suffers from a multiple personality disorder. Stefan Urquelle, I think he'd wear a straitjacket with much gusto.


He looks like a cross between Marge Schott and Jerry Vale...Oops, did I write that? Anyway, that's Classie Fred Blassie. Blassie set the standard. In fact any wrestling match he rigged from the floor to the ceiling always benefited when he slithered into the ring wearing fashions some might call "cringe-worthy." Me? I thought they were dandy. In fact I wish I had a jacket like that. No I don't...

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Almost close to the original artwork!


For some reason, I wanted to call this "Girls on Film" after that catchy Duran Duran hit. That's just dyslexia talking. This is of course, Girls Just Want to Have Fun the 1985 movie starring Helen Hunt and Sarah Jessica Parker. This centers a bunch of kids who like to dance on a local dance show. Of course PG hijinks insue. This movie wasn't that great at all, but it sure did happen during an interesting time. Released in 1985, the production values are chippy, pastel, bright and phony. I was there in the '80s, it simply wasn't this fun. In fact this style is so personified you'll be hard pressed to find anything remotely like this in the years following.

I've seen this movie in bits and pieces and I've probably seen it three times. Had to laugh at seeing Helen Hunt--as a high schooler. Although I've been familiar with her work; since she was 10, she always struck me as someone born 27. She's probably less mature here than anything I've seen her in. Sarah Jessica Parker? What's not to say. This caught Parker shortly after Square Pegs and before her hot hot stage starting with 1987's A Year in the Life. Despite their skills, the gals are saddled with a non-existant plot. To add more '80s irrelevance, Jonathan Silverman is here as an especially unlikeable geek Drew Boreman. Heh heh, Boreman. A fourteen year old Shannen Doherty appears as a sister of Parker's character's boyfriend.

Review: Still can't remember a whole heck of a lot here. Girls Just Want to Have Fun has attained a cult status in the past few years. It's kind of justified...

Unguarded Moment: Ahh, don't believe the hype or the revisionist history, this movie was ass bad.

Coke and Max Headroom: Poised for Disaster

Talk about the blind leading the blind. This is a case of two entities, both on shaky ground, banding together for the sake of merchandising. Who survived? Neither, really. In a sense, the partnership to many seemed to be a corporate sanctioned suicide pact between inanimate objects. Here are the happy details...

New Coke hit the shelves in April of 1985. By that July, the flame out was so pronounced that Coke and the original "Coca-Cola Classic" existed on the shelves concurrently. The Coke Classic still tasted great while some viewed "new" Coke as an abomination. Around the same time a pop culture icon was making its way to the US: Max Headroom. The first Max Headroom film was released in the UK in 1985. Throughout that time Headroom was making headway and he finally polluted the airwaves on a weekly basis in 1987. Despite the live characters in the ABC program, all that might be remembered is a snarky voice, courtesy of Matt Frewer and those effects which came from a Commodore Amiga program.

Blam!

During the time Max Headroom was wearing out his welcome, he became the pitchman for Coke. The two made for an ubiquitous presence as seen pictured. The public clearly found the alliance toxic and had it with both of them by 1988. In short, one product made you hate the other--no question. Headroom was strewn with in between other pop culture cast offs like Sledgehammer and Spuds McKenzie. "New" Coke's sales fell off to ridiculous numbers and it finally left the shelves in 1990. At the present both "New" Coke and Max Headroom have something else in common; they are decidedly nostaglia proof yet totally deadly.

John Walsh surveys more damage wrought by the tag team of destruction...

Soul Numbing TV: The Battle of the Network Reality Stars

Junk food programming that hastens Bravo's demise.

The Battle of the Network Reality Stars is the nadir the kids are all talking about. This is a takeoff on those '70s sports/entertainment shows that featured stars of the day battling those on opposing network. That indeed made sense. In a foolish attempt to align itself with a true genre classic, The Battle of the Network Reality Stars takes place where the original did. It's not clear if they preserved the ground where Bob Conrad almost twisted his ankle in a pile of tires.

In a major sense, the reason why Battle of the Network Stars worked was because they were--stars. For this these folks are not stars and aggresively not so. Unlike a lot of fair reality programs that assemble an actually tolerable set of vets, The Battle of the Reality Network Stars went for broke and got the jerkazoids, about 28 to be exact. There's many reasons why this show doesn't actually work without making a viewer feel saddened if not a little dirty. The games are boring, there's little self-deprecation and worst, the majority of the grand folks here haven't matured one bit like Survivor's Richard Hatch or Adam Mesh from Average Joe.


What’s Really Wrong: Nothing much except for everything? The cast is too large and the subsequent exits still leave a viewer with a ton of folks they’ll care nothing about. In fact the whole reality cast of clowns is filled with broken dreams, inflated self-importance and patently uninteresting people. This doesn’t make for great TV.


The Lifers: Mike "The Miz" and Coral from Real World: Back to New York. For these lifers, it seems that they can't appear anywhere unless there's giant mats, whistles and potential bodily harm. Of course "The Miz" is still irritating with his wrestling derived gibberish speak. Coral is still a shrew.


The So What's: Wowers, Chip and Kat from the Amazing Race are on this! Remember Joe Millionaire? He's here too. You know Evan Marriott wasn't going to pass this up. At this point he'd stage a bank heist if it meant he'd be on TV.

Grade: C- This is sad actually. I do like reality shows and I do like cheese but this is crammed with one too many also rans and fairly despicible human beings.

My blog's launch party...

Pop Culture Idiot Oddities

As the king of the near-miss, false start, f'ed up luck, I enjoy things that are absurd in entertainment. These are things I always found/find odd, nothing earth-shattering, but certainly something indeed noticeable.

Beverly Hills 90210 exec says, "Forget Brenda, we've got these two..." Here's a big oddity. As Shannen Doherty was on thin ice, the producers obviously had to be thinking of a backup plan. You're looking at both of them. During Doherty's last shows, Kathleen Robertson as Claire Arnold started to appear. The next season? Say hello to "Cousin" Valerie as played by Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. The way the both were brought into the plots, plus their looks all but said, "Brenda replacements." Despite the Dr. Frankensteen like eye for detail, the deal didn't take completely. For die-hards like me, Doherty couldn't be suitably replaced. The roles given to both Robertson and Thiessen were, in a word, boring. Roberston got the brunt of it, her role fall to pieces and she left in 1997. Thiessen took a powder in 1998. In short, they were signed on 90210 during the true decline.


Wow! They actually look the part. These are the actresses who appeared in 2003's NBC-TV movie Behind the Camera: Charlie's Angels. Got to be honest, I'm not loving the actress who played Farrah Fawcett-Majors. She's certainly attractive but didn't possess that Farrahness so to speak. As for the others? Job well done. Laura Stamile on "Farrah's" left doesn't even look that much like Kate Jackson, but she certainly got the energy--and the voice. Christina Chambers as Jacklyn Smith was great too.
What's odd about this: A made for TV movie, or any movie that actually found actors that resembled the subject. I found a lot of the movie double-take worthy. Except for Tricia Helfer as Farrah. I didn't buy that at all. Still, not bad.


The big star that didn't totally happen. That's my buddy Jake. He's going to show me around LA cause he's such a cool guy. How cool? He's going to set me up with an ex-girlfriend, Jo Reynolds. All seriousness aside, Jake Hanson, Grant Show was a case of an "almost" big star. During the debut of Melrose Place it was clear that Show was intended to be a star on the order of Luke Perry and Jason Priestley. Show also did guest shots as Jake Hanson on Beverly Hills 90210 and Models Inc. The only problem? Jake Hanson went over like a lead balloon. Show stayed with Melrose from 1992-1997 but that Ian Ziering like superstardom has proven elusive.
Kind of Odd: Sure is. Certainly I've seen hype before but a lot of folks might remember how extreme this was, with little pay off. It has been said that Show was wary of the star making machine so that's an explanation/excuse.

Almost Renee Zellweger There's a pic of Renee Zellweger, not! That's Ellen Pompeo. She currently stars in ABC smash hit of today, Grey's Anatomy. Pompeo portrays Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey looks a whole heck of a lot like Renee Zellweger. It's not only the looks, it's the countenance, the vocal cadences, it's like Pompeo is the bot version of Zellweger during the Jerry McGuire days. I'll chalk this up as a happy coincidence.




The case of "Julie Rinna." Julie Pinson was Eve Lambert on Port Charles. She was always attractive, but a little undefined. That's not a problem now and that's the problem. Pinson now appears on Days of our Lives as Billie Reed, the role that Lisa Rinna made famous. She's been having a Lisa Rinna Hootnanny for a couple of years now. In a sense, Pinson has disappeared and become Billie Rinna. They aren't dead ringers, not quite, but often it's like Pinson has exacted Rinna down to her DNA. You know what? I was watching Days of our Lives one day and Pinson even looked like Rinna even as her back was facing the camera, that's dedication.
Oddness: Oh yeah. Often when looking for pics for my "research" there's times when I couldn't tell those two apart. Rinna's pic is on the right. My head hurts.

Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney: Split!: An Idiot's Take

Ain't it shame, the Kenny Chesney, Renee Zellweger marriage seems to be kaputski. They met at a tsunami (too-som-mee) event in January 2005, got married in the following April. Despite the brisk timeline this didn't scream, whirlwind romance, more like "cry for help." The two haven't really even been seen in public together since the day of that ridiculous wedding photo, perhaps a concert here or there. Can't say I'm totally surprised, but I am surprised Zellweger initiated the erasing of this "bad judgment call." You know, Kenny felt like a fool when Renee did the paperwork and marked this deal, "fraud." Go write a song about that!


Chesney always struck me as all hat, no cattle, as phony as a stack of 3 dollar bills. I can't stand the sight of him frankly, he gives me the willies.

Renee's no prize romantically and might be damaged goods, in regards to A-Ok mental health. She can either look hot or fairly hideous. Her track record is heinous. Not clear on all of her suitors but that giant-sized nut job Jim Carrey and the wispy and alarming-looking Jack White are danger signs. And doing research for this blog entry, I've found out Zellweger also dated George Clooney. Good lord. Total forgot about that one--if I ever knew it in the first place.

The Upside: Renee Zellweger's single and I'm totally free so she can swallow her pride and ask me out. Kenny Chesney? Whether he cares or not, he'll probably turn tragedy to publishing and refer back to this for eons.

Norman Fell Exploitation Meter:***1/2 I couldn't help myself, this whole deal cracks me up.

Pat Morita's Happy Days Stint 1982-83

A plan comes together. Arnold burns down Al's while Chachi takes the blame.

This blog takes on the big issues. In fact, when I think about it, there was no bigger entertainment story in 1982-83 when Pat Morita came crawling back to Happy Days. Morita was the textbook example of having a good gig and then leaving it. Here's the backstory, for those with a weak constitution, keep reading. Morita played the owner of Arnold's restaurant, the place where Richie and the gang hung out. Morita got a case of the cutes and bailed. He was only on the show from 1975-76. Character actor Al Molinaro replaced him, quite well by the way. While Molinaro earned raves and laughs for his "yep, yep, yep's" Morita became the Fool of the Year and then some. Although he continued to guest on televison sitcoms, he also had his own. 1976's ABC's non-hit Mr. T and Tina is often called one of the worst shows ever. It is.

Flash up to the 1982-83 season of Happy Days. Doors seemed to be closing all over for Morita. They're was no safe haven to be found on cancelled favorites like Sanford and Son and Blansky's Beauties. And there was no place for him on Bare Essence either. What happened next? Morita returned to his old stomping grounds on Happy Days. Of course things were not the same.

At this point Happy Days was coasting on fumes. With Potsie doing something close to nothing; an unfunny Jenny Piccilo and Ted McGinley in the cast, there was no room for good ol' Pat Morita. Pat had the last laugh however. He became Kesuke Miyagi for the popular Karate Kid movies.

Full of contrition: Al Molinaro thinks about stealing Pat Morita's job.

Sammy Davis Jr : John Shaft.

I never tire of the classics. For his 1972 MGM album, Now Davis Jr. offered his take on “Shaft” titled here as “John Shaft.” Here’s a question? Why. At this point, Isaac Hayes’s “Shaft” was still selling. Really, it’s shocking that someone else would even think to do a version. That person either loved the song or had brass ones. That man was Sammy Davis Jr.

Oddly enough “John Shaft” was indeed better than the subsequent music from the Shaft sequels. But still, really. Although I thought that Sammy came up with these lyrics with his snoot full of whatever, they were exactly written by respected Stax lyricist, Bettye Crutcher. Despite Davis’s attempt to light a fire over them, they make the very idea of this totally lame. But it doesn't sound bad. No surprise there. The band that Isaac Hayes used at the time is on the track as well as Hayes’s arranger Onzie Horne. So what this is another take on “Shaft” albeit a Vegas-y one. Throughout the track Sammy is a bit corny, vacillating from being oblivious and or unaware of what’s going on to indulging in the most embarrassing cool talk ever. The end of the song is particularly telling as Sammy offers a “Hey man, can you dig him? Sammy later gives Shaft a compliment with, “Always looking so cool/Together for days in all that leather.” Ok. Now also has his AM Gold smash, “Candy Man.” That song is one of my favorites. Sadly for me I'm not kidding.


In The Same Vein: Sammy did have a hit with 1976's "Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow." He also did a version of "Chico and the Man." What I wanted to hear? You guessed it. Sammy singing "Shaft." That's right I did hear it, I give a B+


A horrified Sammy actually listening to "John Shaft."

The Party Machine with Nia Peeples

This Paramount syndicated dance show was the brain child of Arsenio Hall. This of course ran directly after Hall’s show in 1991. If I remember correctly Arsenio acted like this was the best idea since tires and he certainly gave this a good push. No avail. According to a press kit that I just received (14 years too late, thanks) Peeples was the host of MTV's Friday Night Street Party (don't remember it). Back in 1988 she released "Trouble" for Mercury Records. The Party Machine with Nia Peeples a hit the airwaves in early 1991. Got to say it was a good idea, it was like saying, “Hey, Arsenio’s over, come party with us—-over at the Party Machine. It was like virtual bar hopping without the tears, self-doubt, obsessive hair combing. Oops, was that just me?

Despite the prediction on the card in the pic, The Party Machine with Nia Peeples didn't catch on. The bad news was that the music scene began to change as that specific kind of dance, pop, R&B started to wane. Peebles made for a nice presence however, she was the main attraction. I can't remember a single act that appeared.


Nice Coinky Dink: In doing the research for this I found out that Nia Peeples and I share the same birthday. I did not know that but what I do know is that Nia better cough up a present this year. I ain't playin'...

Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder: Ebony and Ivory

Every once in a while I have to applaud those songs so odious; they are an aural tummy ache. While a good bit of time has passed, there's no time for nostalgia, you're frankly happy there's even more road separating you from said recording. That recording is Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder's "Ebony and Ivory" a paean for understanding gone horribly wrong.

"Ebony and Ivory" was indeed possibly both of their worst performances. The production here is so enervated, it's like the blandest offering of its time.Around this era Wonder sang with an extremely nasal tone. It was the same one that nearly nuked "That Girl." Oddly enough "Do I Do" had him back in form. McCartney? Well he's a tad smug here, so corny, like he didn't really care about the lyrics or the song. For that matter, Stevie's not exactly selling this bunk either. It's just there--and was it ever a big hit. The guys also sang together on the funky, "What's That You're Doing." It's on McCartney's 1982 classic "Tug of War."

Of course one can't think of this track without thinking of the video. In short, this was crude video, a low concept, tons of hooey and the world's biggest piano. The one this I took from this is how idiotic Paul McCartney looked in this. The part where he sauntered across those gigantic piano keys was especially unsettling. Stevie? Well he was sitting down, thankfully oblivious to the tragedy that was taking place. Oddly enough this whole deal seemed to maximize their oddities. The song and video made McCartney more self-satisfied and remote and Stevie never seemed more blind.

Ashamed of the skid mark this left on their oeuvre, McCartney and Wonder seem to often skip this gem on their respective greatest hits collections. In fact, "Ebony and Ivory" really hasn't been played too much since its chart run. That's great, great news...

The Flintstones: An Important Review

Hanna and Barbera's The Flintstones was a great cartoon. I've got to qualify it however, the show that ran on ABC from 1960-1966 was great--everything else? Positively shitty.The Flintstones were one part reality program (notice the Mark Burnett credits in season 3) and one part, total sci-fi. How else could you explain a quite comfortable co-existence of the pre-historic underpinnings crossed with Grade A '60s cheese. Admittedly the show very rarely achieved "Flintstone Flyer" like excellence, but the first four seasons were solid programming. As early as the fourth season what we saw was a diluted Flintstone, a once vital man subjected to B list stories and an increasingly failing supporting cast. Hey, that sounds like my last few dates. By 1966 the Flintstones: Classic Edition, closed up shop. What was next? Nearly 40 years of total irrelevance. The franchise has coasted on the initial series run--and deservedly so.

The Trouble Signs: What else? Fred as race car driver Goggles Pisano, the Hatrocks and Gruesomes. But then again I was stunned when the Gruesomes weren't spun off into their own series. Of course among the culpable, the nostalgia proof Great Gazoo. The personification of "running out of material," Gazoo was neither needed or likeable. His poisonous presence took the remaining wind out of failing series.

The Low Lights:
The Pebbles and Bamm Bamm Show (1971-1972)
The New Fred and Barney Show (1979) I've never seen anything tagged "new" that actually worked. By this point we lost Alan Reed and therefore lost the definitive voice of Fred Flintstone. Henry Corden took over Fred's vocal chores.
The Flintstones Comedy Show (1980-1982) Woo wee, not funny. NBC was responsible for this travesty. This is where Fred and Barney had to share the spotlight with the much-hyped Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels among other so-so cartoon characters.

A True Idiot: Fat Joe

Fat Joe likes the View. Hats off for Joey Crack, Crack, Crack! Sorry I've been "away" I was dealing with some private business. Oh yeah word to the wise, turns out it is a crime to visit a closed store at 2AM and hurl a brick through a window. I've made a note. Anyway this guy is such a star of today that I have to dust off my meaningless award just for him.

And what a charming guy this is. Fat Joe has been in the public eye since the late '90s. We often saw him in cahoots with the late Big Punisher. Although their styles did seem analogous, Fat Joe often gave us kernels of wisdom from his totally crime-breaking life as a "street pharmacist" But isn't that what we like about him? Unlike genuine thugs like Jack Jones, it's clear that Joey has turned away from his life of wrong-doing to becoming a role-model of kids today. And what example is he setting for the children? How to hasten your own demise. It seems that Fat Joe has become embroiled in a war of words with equally tiresome 50 Cent. Yeah that 50 Cent. Seems our Joey has called 50 Cent a wanksta, a coward and added "that dude's hilarious to me." We're going to miss Fat Joe. Nah, just kidding, Joey's still with us making those songs for record machines all over the world!

Never one for ostentatious jewelry...

The View Is Heinous

As a nation, I’m proud that we’ve kept this fact under wraps for so long, but let a renegade/rogue cop say it: The View has become a horrible show. The View debuted in 1997. It was admittedly light fare in comparison to other news programming. The original line-up was Meredith Vieira, Joy Behar, Star Jones, Barbara Walters and Debbie Matenopoulos. First fired? You guessed it, the “kid.” Debbie Matenopoulos was relieved of her duties early on and if her recent stint on Good Day Live was an indication—she’s still burning over it.

Debbie was replaced by the lovely Lisa Ling and the View hit its stride. After a few successful years Ling later got canned and was replaced with Style network's gripping, The Look For Less and Survivor: The Austalian Outback loser Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Let the downward trajectory begin.


At this point, the co-hosts, “acts” were defined to the point of parody. Vieira’s “working mom” shtick became tired. Jones’s rants were/are pure torture. Behar became a shrill clown armed with ancient Clinton jokes. Barbara Walters? She’ll never live down that awful Halloween episode where she made like a jerk and pretended to be Marilyn Monroe and stayed in character to the point of profound audience/co-host discomfort.

Of course not lost in this danger zone is “The Viewmaster” Bill Geddie. He’s often the “straight man” for the world’s unfunny segments. We’ve seen him in a tutu, dressed as a bear and now we want to see serve time--for being so lame.

A Near Rant- You know what gets me about this show? Some people complain about the View having a "liberal bias." That's probably why that right-leaning twit Hasselbeck was signed on, it couldn't be because of her "sparking personality." Despite the hurl worthy diatribes from both sides, this is an entertainment broadcast.

The Final Verdict: Meredith Vieira's the only one I can stand...

KInd of Watching It Movies: The Deathwish "Trilogy"

Chuck getting ready for a date...
Ok, there were five of them, but I couldn't remember what the fancy word for "five things" was. I've been thinking a lot about Charles Bronson, Chuck for short. I recently saw Deathwish 16 on cable--but let's not think about that one, let's restrict this conversation to the "classics."

Deathwish- (1974) This is prime Bronson. This was filmed in New York and certainly captured a gritty ambience. Bronson did this when he was still a tough guy--well not as corny as he became in later Deathwish films. In this movie, the standard is set, Paul Kersey loses his wife and then he starts firing off rounds. Good stuff. Herbie Hancock did the soundtrack. Jeff Goldblum makes an appearance as a thug that Kersey sends "up yonder."

Deathwish II (1982) Bronson took the whole shebang to a warmer climate. Everything was fine until Kersey's daughter was raped and murdered. That caused him to snap and get out the guns again. Oddly enough I pretty much had forgotten about this one. This is also noteable for the soundtrack that was done Jimmy Page. That's nice cover art as well--that movie's still crappy though. The soundtrack was released on Swan Song/Atlantic and the picture was availible through Warner Home Video in the '80s.

Deathwish 3(1985) Now this is the great one of the set. Diminshed expectations and cut costs always makes for potent cinema. This has on the cheap and groggy written all over it. Again Bronson's Kersey's life was all better until is putrid bad luck reared his head. Paul Kersey was indeed in love again. Deborah Raffin played his love interest and opposite Bronson she looked positively juvenile. No mention was made of the 50 year age difference between the two. Good thing. Since the title of the movie is indeed Deathwish 3 and not Paul Kersey's Happy Endings, we can tell which way the "love affair" went. Ever the innovator, Bronson manages to make 1985's Deathwish 3 look like the worst day ever in 1988. Martin Balsam lends hammy assistance.

Deathwish 4: The Crackdown (1987) Just when folks were telling "Chuck" to "ease up" on making such recondite masterpieces, he brought us another one. Admittedly I couldn't make it for this one, the last thing I saw was Kay Lenz, and office and someone wearing an odd jacket. Bronson was pretty much phoning this one in from Ijustdontcaresville.

Deathwish 5: The Face of Death (1994) Charming title, I guess Charles needed to prime the pump at this late date. Talk about your total "so-what" efforts. I'm just shocked at the total gall of Bronson actually doing a Deathwish movie in 1994. For some reason I totally missed it. I must have been somewhere chasing a woman who didn't want me or somewhere smoking a stogie with my mind in a daze. Actually Bronson did do better work a little earlier with 1989's "Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects." This one centered on Kersey, ever the renaissance man, as a teacher. His lady love for this travesty, I mean movie, is Lesley Ann-Down. She's in the fashion industry and the mob and her ex-husband are giving her the business. Paul Kersey brings the firepower, again...


Notes: Here's some info. I plan on making a Deathwish movie. Charles Bronson? He's not with us anymore, but we can digitize something or other and its a go. So far all I've got is "Zombies Revenge," Katie Holmes and Martin Balsam as "Gramps."