2009 Fall Schedule

I was out playing 78's with Bill Richardson, getting my drank on when I realized that the networks had announced their schedule. Good news for those who like crap, you're getting a heaping helping of it. Here's the list from the formerly entitled Big 3.

ABC:

MONDAY

8:00 p.m. Dancing With the Stars
10:00 p.m. Castle

TUESDAY

8:00 p.m. Shark Tank
9:00 p.m. Dancing With the Stars the Results Show
10:00 p.m. The Forgotten

WEDNESDAY

8:00 p.m. Hank
8:30 p.m. The Middle
9:00 p.m. Modern Family
9:30 p.m. Cougar Town
10:00 p.m. Eastwick

THURSDAY

8:00 p.m. Flash Forward
9:00 p.m. Grey's Anatomy
10:00 p.m. Private Practice

FRIDAY:

8:00 p.m. Supernanny
9:00 p.m. Ugly Betty
10:00 p.m. 20/20

SATURDAY

8:00 p.m. Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY

7:00 p.m. America's Funniest Home Videos
8:00 p.m. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9:00 p.m. Desperate Housewives
10:00 p.m. Brothers & Sisters


Look at that sched, can I say "eww." TV is over! On Mondays they're actually giving poor Castle another shot. It's not going to be the new Moonlighting, it just isn't. Ugly Betty is moving to Fridays. On Thrusday there's a pathetic new show with Courtney Cox called Cougar Town. Looking at it, it's basically a lot of garbage.


Gonzo: In the Motherhood, The Unusuals, According to Jim, Cupid, and Samantha Who?

I'm sad to see Samantha Who? go, I like Christina Applegate. I didn't see one episode. Looks like fans of bad TV will no doubt miss According to Jim. On the schedule since the 1974-75 season, the show finally was asked not to come back.


CBS:

CBS FALL 2009 SCHEDULE

MONDAY

8 p.m. How I Met Your Mother

8:30 p.m. Accidentally on Purpose

9 p.m. Two and A Half Men

9:30 p.m. The Big Bang Theory

10 p.m. CSI: Miami

TUESDAY

8 p.m. NCIS

9 p.m. NCIS: Los Angeles

10 p.m. The Good Wife

WEDNESDAY

8 p.m. The New Adventures of Old Christine

8:30 p.m. Gary Unmarried

9 p.m. Criminal Minds

10 p.m. CSI: NY

THURSDAY

8 p.m. Survivor: Samoa

9 p.m. CSI

10 p.m. The Mentalist

FRIDAY

8 p.m. Ghost Whisperer

9 p.m. Medium

10 p.m. Numb3rs

SATURDAY

8 p.m. Crimetime Saturday

9 p.m. Crimetime Saturday

10 p.m. 48 Hours Mystery

SUNDAY

7 p.m. 60 Minutes

8 p.m. The Amazing Race

9 p.m. Three Rivers

10 p.m. Cold Case

As you can see, look like CBS is giving up on entertaining too. There's nothing as disastrous as Cougar Town on they're ledger--but a lot of this sucks. They're moving The Mentalist and Cold Case to 10PM. Nice going. NBC booted one of its only good show, Medium (CBS produces it) and CBS smartly picked it up. I was for some nifty sleuthing programming from Crimetime Saturday but it's just "doggone" reruns.

Goodnights: Eleventh Hour, Without a Trace, The Unit, and Worst Week.

People are trying to poop on the floor over the double whammy of losing The Unit and Without a Trace. I've seen 2 and a half of each episodes so I'm good. At least ass out Worst Week is being taken out of its misery. That's good news, right?


NBC

Take a look at this bull. NBC is a network in free-fall mode. Do you know how I know? They're actually going with the end times scenario of putting Jay Leno on primetime 5 nights a week. That's just sad. If you're not hurling over your shoes, I'll go over the important parts NBC sent to me in the mailbox.

NBC

NBC FALL 2009 SCHEDULE

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. Heroes
9-10 p.m. Trauma
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

TUESDAY
8-10 p.m. ­ The Biggest Loser
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. Parenthood
9-10 p.m. ­Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8-8:30 p.m. ­ SNL Weekend Update Thursday (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. ­ Parks and Recreation
9-9:30 p.m. ­ The Office
9:30-10 p.m. ­ Community (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after 30 Rock returns)
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. ­Law & Order
9-10 p.m. ­Southland
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. ­ Trauma (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8:20 p.m. Football Night in America
8:20-11 p.m. NBC Sunday Night Football

NBC's mid-season 2010 schedule after the jump.

NBC MID-SEASON 2010 SCHEDULE
(2010 WINTER OLYMPICS preempt regularly scheduled programming from February 12-28, 2010)

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Chuck (season premiere)
9-10 p.m. Day One
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

TUESDAY
8-9:30 p.m. ­The Biggest Loser
9:30-10 p.m. 100 Questions
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. ­Mercy
9-10 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. Community
8:30-9 p.m. ­ Parks and Recreation
9- 9:30 p.m. ­ The Office
9:30-10 p.m. ­ 30 Rock
10-11 p.m. The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Law & Order
9-10 p.m. ­ Southland
10-11 p.m. ­The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
9-10 p.m. ­ Southland (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. ­ Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m. ­ Dateline NBC
8-9 p.m. ­ The Marriage Ref
9-11 p.m. ­ The Celebrity Apprentice (season premiere)

This isn't a schedule, it's a cry for help. It was clearly made by someone under the influence of narcotics. I can tell you one thing, the days of Boomtown, Homicide:Life on the Street, etc are long gone. And really? This list makes me nostalgic for Union Square. Oh golly, where to start.
Parenthood is a spinoff of the 1989 Steve Martin movie. Yeah, I know you've been jonesing for a TV show of that one. And guess what? There was one on NBC, 19 damn years ago. People are losing their minds. For the folks who love bad TV Chuck is coming back to bore the world, Southland will be on twice a week so I'll have to pretend to like that two times as a opposed to just one.



Part 2: I've got dyslexia and I swear I can't follow that list. Here's what I can follow. TV is over.
They've got this weird show called SNL Weekend Update Thursday that's about 32 years too late. What's going to be on there? Kenan Thompson as Charles Barkley? Tee hee hee. Funny... 30 Rock isn't going to be back until 2050 and when it comes back it will be set in the 80s after a nuclear "accident."

Gone: Kings, Life, Kath&Kim, Knight Rider, My Name is Earl

Pilots Not Picked Up: The Scatman Crothers Variety Hour


The list of canned shows is enough to make a shudder in my bones. Such. Crap. There's no sense in crying about My Name is Earl getting the boot. It had a nice run, it debuted in September 1995. 2005? Oh the years are running together. Reportedly 96 episodes were produced. That's enough.

Bill Richardson Dancing: A Review

Bill Richardson-Cutting the Fool....


Sadly all of the high-ranking business deals I had planned had to be put on hold. This tragedy had to be addressed. On May 4th, Billy Richardson appeared at a party and started "dancing." Really I do have to say I've never seen a more happy politician. During his presidential run last year all Bill had to do is look at Obama and he'd beam like a school girl. And let's not forget the beard. When Bill's wearing the beard, we know he's extra happy. See video!


The Review:

0:03 Well after Bill's little "funny" at the very beginning, he launched into a flurry of old-school semi-dance moves that surely make the uninitiated a bit queasy. Was that the stiff leg? How about the shing-a-ling? Kill me now.

0:07-0:14 I don't know what the hell he's doing. It's like he's caught in some magnetic field. The aliens are locking Billy's legs, they don't want him to dance! Yet he dances on as Selena goads him on. That's when Jana asks Dancing Man, "Is that the Robot? That's the robot..." Uh oh. It's on.

0:17-0:23 Despite his cheesy grin, I bet Bill's a bit pissed at the Robot comment. He does a few more perfunctory moves and than runs off stage like he's on fire.

Since I was at the party, I heard the conversation that happened later. Warning: It's not pretty.

Bill Richardson: I caught that robot comment, not cool.

Jana: I was just saying---(Crosstalk)

Bill Richardson: Peep this. If you think I'm playing, try me I was...

Jana: Are you OK?

Bill Richardson: Gurl please!

And...scene!

Tales From Pontiac

The world's going crazy! It seems now we can't keep our wretched car companies. Can't we have anything? I was saddened by the recent news of Pontiac apparently closing up shop. We're going to miss seeing those cars on the side of the road. As luck would have it, I had two. Here's some happy memories.



It was a time of Gerald Ford, the Rubik's Cube and the Charleston, that's right the early '90s. While kids were zooming around in their Mustangs and whatnot, this is what I was in, a 1980 Pontiac Sunbird like the one pictured in this auto graveyard. Oh oh, where's the Nu Finish? Mine was painted a faint Poop Brown, the rust-ish color had faded with time. Surprisingly, this car wasn't a chick magnet for me. Believe it or not, it was just about ten years old when I got it. Given the changing times, it looked some much older on the road, especially compared to those sporty Chevy Barrettas and those corny early '90s Mustangs.


The Woe List: Plenty. The pickup on this was horrendous. Those who like their cars smelling good wouldn't have loved this one. The material used for the interior and the seats had an odd odor. Gosh, I miss it!

The Last Ride: Had it for about six months. I was driving along one winter's afternoon and saw big black clouds of smoke. I looked around and said , "I'm glad it's not me." Well, it was. The clutch burned out, other stuff was wrong, goodnight and good luck...



Is it a Sunbird or a Monza: Part Deux

After a year or so of hitching rides, another 1980 Pontiac like this entered the picture. Actually it looked a lot like this. It was the same color and a hatchback too. I got this when it was about 12 years old. This even had a nifty metal spoiler that was able to snap off on the highway. All told, this car was a bit better. It was a V-6 and frankly enjoyable to ride. I didn't have a muffler so it was even more fun. In fact when I did put a muffler on, that's when the trouble began...


The Woe List: Really everything was ok with this car until it wasn't. In about 3 or 4 months the car all but fell to pieces. This one seemed to have issues-a-go-go. The water pump went out a few times. The seals to the transmission leaked, a lot. Sadly, I'd have to carry bottles of transmission fluid around with me just to make it back home. Why those seals never really stopped leaking is anyone's guess...

Part 2: Excuse me, (crying) also I had the "treat" of driving this car without brakes, I had to push it to the floor just to make a stop. Heavy sigh. After a certain point, the door handle to the drivers side snapped off in my hand. From that point on I had to either get in through the passenger side or side through the driver's side window.

Part 3: More issues.... For some reason, the choke started to stick and then I had to get a screwdriver or something, pop the hood, unstick it and then drive off. Good times. Also the ignition switch broke off--had to start it with a screwdriver. Oh the horrors...

When You See Fire Under the Hood, It's Not A Good Sign: Imagine that huh?
This powerhouse started letting off sparks like the 4th of July and one day, let out an official fire. I was unfazed, put it out and again got my screwdriver and drove off. Oddly enough, I just couldn't start the car a little after that. Darn it, I want my money back!