Kind of Watching It DVD's: Someone Behind the Door/Lola

Oh hi. Would you believe I have about 6 Charles Bronson movie is my Sleepytime DVD arsenal? The staggering number comes from the fact that I have 2 sets of collections from Bronson. My latest acquisition came from a collection called Charles Bronson Collection Volume 1. There is no 2. There may not be a need.




Someone Behind The Door- 1972- This movie's a mess. Charles Bronson plays an amnesic victim who has the bad luck of getting Crazy Anthony Perkins as his doctor. Perkins does some wacky brainwashing type thing and puts Bronson's hapless ass character in the middle of a murder mystery. Why do I think this would happened to these two in real life too?





Together Perkins and Bronson make for the deadliest Odd Couple, ever. Evil Dr. Jeffries makes Bronson stay at his bachelor pad so he can further confuse him. Anthony Perkins was really good at playing slimy characters like this. Bronson ambled around like a Shemp-like presence and the comedy ensued. Of course Jill Ireland was here, she played Perkins's girlfriend and "The Stranger" thought she was his "wife."Brainwashing's good for you!


Dr. Jeffries Best Move: He put some sleeping pills in Bronson's Tang. Woo hoo! His legs were like rubber, that fool couldn't run away if he tried. In fact that jackass slept like a log even though Jeffries's house was a busy as Graham Central Station. Would you believe Jeffries made the formula for Ambien? He did...



Spoiler Alert: Crazy Jeffries had poor Charles Bronson kill someone for him. Bronson being the stolid acting presence he is was just there, not reacting. We never knew who Charles Bronson's character really was. But I'm going to take the necessary steps to piece together his biography for my sake. Sadly Dr. Jeffries is still practicing and totally has his own website. Showoff....

***


Lola- 1969
Despite his "deep" persona, Bronson always struck me as a guy who'd sign important contracts in crayon and with nothing but an X. Here Bronson plays (gulp) an American writer in love with a young British girl, played by Susan George. How young? 16? Yikes! We all know Bronson had acting difficulties but there was one scene where he was convincing. And that was it. The overriding theme in this was how hot Susan George's character was. She wasn't, in fact she was totally annoying as all 16 year olds are. To add insult to injury, Orson Bean played Bronson smart-alecky friend. No movie can take full throttle Susan George, Orson Bean and Charles Bronson. It was doomed!

The Big Lessons: There's a lot oddly enough. The biggest one here is perhaps the generation gap and the fact that Lola was basically deranged and a big crybaby.

The Verdict: This is ridiculous and despite that fact I cried during the last scenes. (Spoiler alert) They broke up! Waaahh!!!

**1/2 Dotched a notch for Lola's corny ass go-go boots.

I Haz A Sad

Sadly I've been complaining more than usual and that's shocking. Here's a few things that have caused me some mental distress.


If you haven't heard the news, Archway Cookies are closing up shop. Sadly being the 10th best cookie isn't enough anymore. This is the last Archway product I bought this year. It seems promising, some people actually liked this cookie. Sadly, I have a sensitive system and these had me all but crying. The lemon in these biscuits is a world away from what Trini Lopez used to sing about. Whatever is in the Iced Lemonade could clear people out faster than teargas. The smell of these things will linger long after the factory closes its doors.

Update: I'm going to miss Archway Cookies and the way they were so delicately stored on the bottom of the shelves, away from the remotely edible cookies.


Oh good lord, just sends the f....

I won this auction what seems to have been 15 years ago. It's only 3, the Van McCoy and the Lenny White aren't going to be played. I got this for the Blue Magic tape, "Thirteen Blue Magic Lane." Yeah, that happy album. Anyway, it's one of my faves and looking forward to hearing it on tape. Was is the operative word. Ever since the auction closed, the seller has all but exchanged e-cards with me, everything but sending these tapes. It's not like it was a grand transaction, it was 4.00 tops. The wait is insane.

The Hold-Up: The seller wanted to hold these so I could save on shipping for another order.

The Verdict: It's time-stalling BS

What They Better Do: Send these old-ass tapes!

Update: That was a couple of days ago. I got these tapes and they were wrapped in newspapers and pieces of Styrofoam. How ritzy! To add insult to injury, the Blue Magic tape sounds like some kid dragged one of those Radio Shack magnets over it back in 1976. Sounds like shit. Luckily I have the album or else I'd put my foot up somebody's...




David Gregory Named the New Host of Meet the Press- Where were you when the world stopped turning? Yesterday, drunk and Peyronnie's disease sufferer dropped the bomb that Skeletor was going to be new host of Meet the Press. Heavy sigh. It's not like MTP was a bastion of scintillating political discourse, old-school sleep inducers like Garrick Utley and a young Chris Wallace acted as "hosts" before Tim Russert showed up. Still seeing this guy as the host of one of my favorite shows? I don't know...

Review of the Dance Clip: First off, I think this raw camera to TV footage more accurately captures the horror within. Let's hope David never stops dancing.