Take A Seat Awards

I was about to do a humdinger of a diary entry about my beloved 8 tracks when more pressing news presented itself. These fools. I'm frankly sick of looking at them, thinking about them, seeing them. It's with love that I offer them to "take a seat" or "sit they ass down." It's their pick, it's all semantics from here...









Jesse Jackson- Now you know... Not many people picked up this story, but this picture puts a shudder in my bones. For the past few years we've seen a slow and steady decline of relevance with Jesse Jackson. On Fox News (off mike) he called for the castration of one Barack Obama. Add that to the fact that he's just been doing something close to nothing for years, I had to nominate him for this esteemed award. Frankly, he's a shoo in and this picture put him over the top.




Recap For Those Who Fell To Sleep The First Time: There's Jackson pictured with that fire breathing dragon Sarah Palin: The Democrat Hater. Instead of trying to uplift the youth, Jesse's getting his jollies hanging out with a woman who shoots wolvesmoose from a plane. Disgusting. The good news? Wolfmeese are off the endangered species lists, so are unicorns.





Cloris Leachman- I've grown callous with the years, totally lost my joie de vivre. How do I know? I don't care about Cloris Leachman on Dancing With the Stars. I get the backstory, she's 199, been around for years but I hate the show and I just don't give a hoot about her cutting a rug. In fact, I implore her to stop before she hurts herself. She's not going to be satisfied until she breaks something and the sound makes Tom Beregon fall out and crack his skull.


Advice: Stop




Joe the Plumber. You know we're near the end times when this blank slate makes front page news. In the third and last debate some derivative guy, Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, nee Joe the Plumber was constantly brought up by John McCain and than Barack Obama. Joe (a 'Publican) ambled over to an outside meeting when Barack was talking with a group of folks. Joe asked a few nasty ass questions and he got on camera. See? He got some face time and a little kid didn't have to fall down a well. Not surprisingly "Joe" has proven to be a testy character, a non-licensed plumber and another scaredy cat running to Sidney McCain.
Shut Up Joe: This fool thinking about running for Congress, Congress?



John McCain-Heard to believe this wreck of a man was asked to be Kerry's running mate in 2004. Great call. Now we see a man who has grown even more repugnant with the years. In his campaign we have a fetid brew of ineptitude, racial politics, and willful stupidity among others problems. In layman's terms, McCain is basically a man who has a personality disorder. His early days pretty much describe him as a prick and that's the one thing that hasn't changed about him.


Part 2, 32, 54 and 5: I hate him.

Daytime TV Stuff

All of this stuff makes me wish for the days of The Flintstones and the Mike Douglas Show. Here some junk, some good, some bad, some horrendous as ever.



The Doctors- When I first saw this, I was elated. I thought the NBC soap The Doctors was coming back. No such luck. This isn't the soap opera but a silly daily medical show brought to us by the two head monster of Phillip and Jay McGraw. Boring? Sure it is. Dr. Phil's boyfriend former Bachelor Travis Stork leads a gruesome crew of real doctors who answer silly ass questions. They wear scrubs like Dr. Oz so they must be real good!


The Worst: The lead doctor Stork is a wooden, leaden presence. He's uniquely uncomfortable being himself. The rest of the doctors almost seem like dreary characters in that late '80s syndicated doctors show, Family Medical Center. The Doctors is a real life Family Medical Center. I have a headache...



Gang War: Oprah Winfrey is reportedly doing a show with Dr. Oz and that's allegedly why the McGraw's green lit their underdone offering. But really a little Dr. Oz a week to scare the shit out of you is one thing. I'm not sure if I could tolerate that face every day.

Verdict: I can't tolerate that face every day. Canceled!





The Bonnie Hunt Show- I have been waiting for this show for a while, years probably. My 15th arrest stemmed from the fact that her 2002-04 ABC series wasn't renewed. I took my aggressions out on the public at large. The show itself is good, and a bit different from the norm. There's no DJ, tossing out free stuff or choking the audience to "sleep" like John Davidson used to. This just an interesting show. I'm biased though, Bonnie Hunt is one of the 10 people in entertainment business I can actually stand.


She's Single: An added benefit is hearing Bonnie Hunt gripe about the breakup of her marriage. I enjoy it too much.



Trivial Pursuit-America Speaks- I was innocently surfing for porn when I heard this familiar voice in the background. It had a whiny tone, sing-songy if you will, a veritable siren from the days of way back yore. I turned around and saw it was one of my favorites, Christopher Knight. Knight as a game show host? Now there's something that makes total sense. He's actually adept at it.

Can't Follow: I have dyslexia and or tested in the "barely functioning" part of a dyslexia test and don't understand this game at all and neither does Christopher Knight.



The Decidedly Grim: Everyone knows I love America's can-do spirit. These shows exemplify America at it's most revolting.

TMZ- I can't imagine a more pointless show. The site itself is barren and frightening enough, now it's in TV form. Here a bunch of sycophants talk and stalk celebrities while their ghoulish master of ceremonies Little Harvey Levin cackles. He also writes gibberish on some glass/plastic structure. Ahh who cares...





We rarely see Levin without that assuredly toxic cup. As punishment for all of the horrible things he says, I snuck on the TMZ set and filled that cup with Clorox Bleach. Ha! Serves you right, drink up fool!






The View- Any decline of civilization at large can't go too far without discussing The View, particularly Elisabeth Hasselbeck. It seems we can't go back to the halcyon days of polite conversation, spirited debate and actual logic. Hasselbeck is clearly full-on crazy now, a sick and demented mouthpiece for the dumbest segment of the Republican base.

After making Rosie O' Donnell head for home, Hasselbeck clearly lost further touch with reality. Never a brain trust, she's actually barely human now, just a toady chipping in with debunked talking points like some evil coo-coo clock. Here's something: Just stop talking.

A Just Punishment: This fool actually got in trouble for making her garish, homemade McCain TV shirt as seen pictured. Good!

Don't Nobody Care About You Ringo Starr

Another one of my heroes has taken a turn toward the dark side. Out of all of the people/entertainers I've idolized, this one hurts, the mostest. In case you haven't heard, Ringo Starr will no longer be signing autographs and the assorted junk people have been sending him in the past 210 years. I guess the one question is why. Certainly Starr is a long way from his mop-top days so this point the mail can't be coming at a fever pitch. Also since he has been doing so long, and clearly with devotion, why stop now? Starr took the time out to speak his mind on a video clip.




Kill that noise fool...



Ain't he something? Carrying on like he's Al Green. If Ringo Starr signed something of mine, I'd totally remove it. Seriously! This is a slap in the face to all of his fans who want their fake Beatles memorabilia signed by someone who drove Pete Best to a life of obscurity.

Verdict: Shut Up Ringo


More Unsettling News: It turns out that Starr turned down my offer at being one of my editors. Ok Ringo, suit yourself, but you'll never get a job like this one. I' m a tough but fair boss too!



Peace and love my Aunt Fannie!

TV's Junk

I can safely say I've had the worst time watching TV in the past few weeks. The worst time ever. Is TV getting worse? I'm actually getting scared. Here's some of the low lights, so far.



ER- You know ER had to kill off another main character. Sure I got an inkling something was up seeing that x-explosion but really. The show's victim this time was Mekhi Pfeffier's character Gregory Pratt. How many ER death scenes do I have to sit through, I'll tell you what, I'll never do it again.

The So-So News: Angela Bassett's going the cast. It's kind of late isn't it? It's like making an album about the twist in 1978.

The Really Bad News: Noah Wylie's going to return to reheat the beans of that always shitty character. Yipee!


The Ex-List- I'd love to know what kind of botched karma/bad luck led me watch something like this. This lady, 33, goes to a psychic and finds out the love of her life is someone she's already dated. zOmG! You know what that means, an endless succession of ex-boyfriends and lessons learned along the way. Gak!






90210- I'm resigned to say that I'm not going to be an active 90210 watcher. That's supposedly the new Brenda character. Her parents are Rob Estes and Lori Loughlin. The family has an African-American son, that's cool. Everything else? Don't care. Kelly Taylor and Brenda Walsh are back, Andrea Zuckerman's kid's around somewhere. And in sad news? Nat is confined to a rolling chair because of a grease fire that a visiting Steve Sanders started.


What's Wrong: My problem with 90210 is the fact that the original show was basically over by the 93-94 season. As soon as Tiffani-Amber Thiessen showed up and Shannen Doherty left, the show was done.





Exclusive!!! I'm going to share my Yahoo messenger conversation with Rush Sanders, he won't mind. He tells everyone hi!

Jason: What's up man, how you livin'?

Rush_Sanders2000: It's all good

Jason: Like, a, are you going to be on the new 90210 show

Rush_Sanders2000: Nah man, can't make it. I've got to go to Sing Sing to visit my son Steve, I---

Jason: Oh noes!

Jason has logged off and began to wail...